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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

not talking yet

54 replies

tattieboagle · 24/06/2012 22:39

My 2 year old n is not talking yet and has started to be very violent, hitting every one, children and adults. What is the best way to discipline him. (i watch him 4 days a week)

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

tattieboagle · 26/06/2012 21:12

I do intervene when I am there, and firmly say "no hitting". By the way he does just come up to me and smack me, and my dc's for no reason. Does it to his parents too. It is hard to work out why he is doing it as he doesn't talk yet. At a party at the weekend he just kept walking up to children and smacking them in the face

OP posts:

PooPooInMyToes · 26/06/2012 21:13

You will probably need to repeat that a lot before it has an effect!

EclecticShock · 26/06/2012 21:13

Children do not hit for no reason... It's our job as adults to figure it out and work out reasonable effective discipline.

EclecticShock · 26/06/2012 21:15

Again, it's not for no reason... Take a log... It could be attention seeking, avoidance, or because he want something tangible, it could even be sensory. Do some investigation If you want to help him.

Original poster

tattieboagle · 26/06/2012 21:15

RandomNumbers of course I like him, I love him to bits.
I am sure he will grow out of it.

OP posts:

EclecticShock · 26/06/2012 21:16

Is he copying behaviour? Does he see over getting hit?

EclecticShock · 26/06/2012 21:16

That should say... See others getting hit?

pullupapew · 26/06/2012 21:18

What makes you sure he will grow out of it?

EclecticShock · 26/06/2012 21:18

It's generally frustration do you need to teach him appropriate ways to communicate.

EclecticShock · 26/06/2012 21:20

I don't think you are taking on advice being offered to you.

Original poster

tattieboagle · 26/06/2012 21:23

we don't smack, my dc's do the usual pushing and shoving, but are always told "we don't hit"

Have been told today a friends ds went through this, dr suggested a growth spurt in boys often bring out the the boisterous behavior???

OP posts:

pullupapew · 26/06/2012 21:29

tattie you posted a question, have ignored every piece of advice and now said your nephew will grow out of it and it could be a growth spurt.

Why did you post??????

You have tried to get your sister to go to her hv/doctor so you obviously are worried but you are now massively backtracking to 'I'm sure he'll grow out of it'.

Did you just want everyone to say 'oh yes, just get a sticker chart and your nephew will stop randomly smacking other people in the face'??

RandomNumbers · 26/06/2012 21:33

So if he is walking up to children and smacking them he needs closer supervision, the adult needs to be able to intervene, to stop the blow from landing. So as I said, be prepared to parry with arm, body, leg.

Say steady, careful, gently. Model kindness, manners, gentle hands.

EclecticShock · 26/06/2012 21:51

Forgot to mention a crucial point. You say your sister doesn't see a problem wih his behaviour? All discipline must be extremely consistent otherwise it will not work.

EclecticShock · 26/06/2012 21:53

Hitting is not normal and just a phase necessarily... Many children do not do te kind of things you are posting about. Intervention is always a good idea in these scenarios.

PooPooInMyToes · 26/06/2012 22:00

I have no idea why the op is getting such a hard time! Harsh!

hazeyjane · 26/06/2012 22:20

I think at 2, you do have to just keep affirming the 'no hitting' thing, and then distracting. Has he a new sibling or some other reason why he might be seeking attention? I have seen a fair few children going through a hitting/aggresive phase, I don't like the implication that it is some extraordinary behaiour, or that it must have been witnessed and copied!

I'm a little confused as to why you headed your thread with 'not talking yet', when he is actually talking and the actual purpose of the thread is how to deal with the random hitting.

'It is hard to work out why he is doing it as he doesn't talk yet.' if it is frustration at not being able to communicate, then i would suggest trying to find ways to help him communicate (eg makaton, pec picture cards etc) and also watching him really closely to try and work out what he is trying to tell you through pointing, body language wtc (I know that sounds a bit woo, but ds, also 2, is at about 6-8 months developmentally with speech and i find that it is possible to get an idea of a lot of what he is trying to communicate, but it takes a lot of watching and trying to interpret what is going on.)

EclecticShock · 26/06/2012 22:32

At a party at the weekend he just kept walking up to children and smacking them in the face

This is not typical behaviour for a 2 or 3 year old.

RandomNumbers · 26/06/2012 22:41

I would call that a parenting fail Eclectic; once hmm yes ok let's keep an eye on him, say sorry, gentle hands blah blah, twice uh oh, I think not young man, more times, whip him away

hazeyjane · 26/06/2012 22:56

Eclecticshock, I have lots of friends who say that their dcs have gone through hitting or aggressive phases, usually when something has disrupted their lives and they are seeking attention. I have also seen the scenario RandomNumbers alludes to, where a child carries on with a behaiour like hitting or biting, because their carer doesn't intervene quickly or frequently enough.

EclecticShock · 26/06/2012 23:07

I agree hazeyjane, I'm advocating understanding and action. I work with this age group and it is not common.

hazeyjane · 27/06/2012 05:42

Really, I thought it was fairly normal for children to go through some sort of phase where they express frustration and emotion through hitting, pinching biting etc, because their emotions are developing and can be fairly extreme but they haven't learnt to deal with them or express themselves properly.

PooPooInMyToes · 27/06/2012 08:44

It is common! I've lost count of the number of children of friends I've seen go through this. Its common and also distressing for the parents.

It doesn't help when you have others saying how its a parenting failure and that he must be copying behaviour.

I thought this section was for help, advice and support rather then telling people what a terrible job that are doing.

meredeux · 27/06/2012 09:26

If it helps then i can tell you that I had exactly the same problem with my 2 year old (who is now 8). It was frustration that prompted the behaviour. In fact he still gets abnormally frustrated if people cannot understand him/ simply didn't catch what he says but I think its just a hangover with how he felt back then.

Intuitively I felt that I should start teaching discipline when the child could say a few words back, but around the age of 2, I gave up on that and started explaining in simple words exactly what the problem was when DS did something wrong. I think I made more of an effort to ensure I came down to his eye level and spoke face to face than I had with his older brother, but apart form that the rules were the same. It worked.

BTW I was incredibly worried that there was a fundamental problem when my two year old could not speak but I had no access to specialists to reassure me. In the end, he started speaking when he was about 2.9. It turns out that he is quite clever but his ability to express himself, even now, can still be an issue at times and is slightly holding him back at English in school.

PooPooInMyToes · 27/06/2012 09:30

Mine did it when he was about two as well. Usually because he wanted a toy another child had. It was random though so he wouldn't do it for a few weeks and i would think the phase had passed so would back off a little and then he would suddenly lash out.

Naughty me to have committed such a parenting failure

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