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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Is this normal? DD, 2, rubbing herself through nappy? OMG

25 replies

creativepebble · 13/06/2012 23:41

My DD has begun to 'enjoy' the pressure of the strap and buckle in her car seat, the strut between her legs in her high chair and the strap on her push chair (no surprises she is walking EVERYWHERE as a result). It is excruciatingly embarrassing. She even makes faces whilst jiggling her legs up and down to create movement...! This is not normal, is it?! I know boys can play with their willies but this, for a girl, so young?! I have said not to do it but mainly I am trying to ignore it and keep her busy but that's hard in the car etc. There is no infection or reason to.
I have also tried a few days nappy-less and using the potty (she's pretty good) but she still plays....
DH says not to worry.
Please tell me I'm not raising a problem child! What do I do?!

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Devora · 13/06/2012 23:44

It is completely normal for girls of this age. Mine gets up to amazing things in the bath with her flashing toothbrush...

Seriously, why do you find it excruciatingly embarrassing? Why have you told her not to do it? Your dh is quite right that you shouldn't worry. Just decide not to notice it. If she keeps doing it in very public places you might want to start explaining to her the difference between public and private activities, but keep it to what is appropriate for the context, please don't send her the message that what she is doing is wrong.

Original poster

creativepebble · 13/06/2012 23:59

Thanks for your post Devora, good to know I'm not alone.
I totally agree that I 'shouldn't notice it'. I think I find it so embarrassing because of all the political correctness and talk of 'children re-enact what they see' stuff. May be my own paranoia?
I also know that I don't want to give her the message that what she is doing is wrong as you say. I'm just in the dark with this...

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Devora · 14/06/2012 00:05

Honestly, the little girls in my extended family were rampant at that age. For most of them, they lost interest again quite quickly. One has persisted with great ingenuity and enthusiasm - but then she is an extremely clever little girl

I can't say it enough: completely normal, and if you do a search on MN you will find zillions of threads on the same subject.

sc2987 · 14/06/2012 00:07

I remember using school railings in this way as far back as Y1, so I expect it's also normal for younger children! Nobody noticed the stuff I did in public (or at least didn't recognise what it was) and I just gradually moved onto only doing it in private with no hinting from anyone.

Claire2009 · 14/06/2012 00:09

Totally normal!
DD was almost rubbing/wedging herself around the pushchair straps from about 18mths onwards, now she has gone to stuffing blankets around that area! I think she likes the pressure of it all, I honestly have no idea I found it very embarassing also, but I leave her to it nowadays, as long as she is private about it she is doing no harm!

ZuleikaD · 14/06/2012 08:44

Completely normal - my 3yo DD has had her hand in her nappy or pants for months. Just think of it as advanced self-soothing. We just say 'not in the living room {wherever} DD' and remind her that it's perfectly ok to do it but it's a private thing and if she wants to then she can go up to her bedroom for a bit.

orangeandlemons · 14/06/2012 08:52

My dd strokes her bunny's ears "down there". Often with no knicks on. She seems to like it.

Not sure what bunny's take on it is though

Original poster

creativepebble · 14/06/2012 09:08

This is so reassuring, thank you thank you.
School railings?! Rampant? I may have that to look forward to then... I'm such a beginner, I must be! All this has never occured to me.
I remember playing too but obviously can't remember that far back.
By the sound of it, this may not change once potty trained, I just have to help her learn when it's acceptable and when maybe not may need luck with that

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TheonlyWayisGerard · 14/06/2012 10:33

Another normal reassurance here. DD is slightly younger than yours but 'discovered' herself a few months ago. I don't find it embarasing. All small children do it.

ZuleikaD · 14/06/2012 11:07

I have no memory of it either, but I suspect our generation probably got our hands smacked for it and had to rediscover it later. Either way I don't plan to ask my mother about it!

ShowOfHands · 14/06/2012 11:11

I don't think 'all small children do it' TheOnlyWay. DD certainly has never shown an interest. But it's very common indeed.

DS is only 9mo but more than making up for it. It's eye-watering the stunts he manages when allowed direct access.

Original poster

creativepebble · 14/06/2012 14:42

Totally agree ZuleikaD, but I DID ask my mother and the reply? "Oh dear, poor girl, take her Swimming or something" ... ??!!
Generation difference definitely.

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TheonlyWayisGerard · 15/06/2012 15:28

Maybe it was a rather sweeping generalization on my part Show. Very very common though.

JeanBodel · 15/06/2012 15:44

I agree it's very very common. Any health care/child care professional knows this, so don't worry.

I say this as a mum who was called in for a chat at nursery where they explained to me their strategies for getting my daughter to do anything other than lie in the quiet corner and play with herself.

darthy · 15/06/2012 16:00

My DD used to do this. Unfortunately it carried on in Primary school -she was very anxious as she was bullied (about something else) and the head teacher refused to do anything. I was called into school. The psychologist was called and we were referred to the local paediatric service. The psychologist thought she was normal and defended us, I think we were a whisker away from being referred to social services thought. The head teacher had it in for me as I had criticised her for ignoring DDs bullying. Later on I became friends with someone who took the head teachers son to school each day in her car. She told me that he played with his willy all the time - he was the same age as DD.

FaceForRadio · 15/06/2012 16:11

Thank you so much for posting this thread.

My dd 18months practically gyrates on everything! At first I was like but DP and I just ignore it now. Although in my head at all times I'm thinking 'wee rascal'

I spoke to my mum about it and she put it down to 'learning that she needed the toilet' and would not take on board the pleasure side of things at all.

I'm glad others find this too so can carry on as normal without the worry.

DD seems to do it more whenever I use petroleum jelly on her during nappy changes (we alternate creams), so she's a girl who likes a bit of lube....aren't we all

Oh god, I just mentioned dd and lube in the same sentence

garlicbum · 15/06/2012 16:11

I used to sit on my foot and rock still do it for comfort. My mum told me not to do it in front of other people (I think someone said something to her) - but I carried on doing it at school, as most of the other little girls did

FaceForRadio · 15/06/2012 16:11

too many faces, sorry.

garlicbum · 15/06/2012 16:19

JeanBodel, your post made me laugh! Hope she still loves herself that much as grows up.

doinmummy · 15/06/2012 20:26

I used to do that Garlic
My Dd used to lay flat and rub herself on the carpet. We called it wiggling. eg 'you can wiggle on your bed but not in the lounge'
My sister caught her DD having a wiggle on a bed in a furniture showroom!!

Original poster

creativepebble · 15/06/2012 23:54

Ok. There was a particular tree I used to climb... but I was much older than my dd!
At what age will she (hopefully) realise it's something she should do in her bedroom and not in public, without me making her feel dirty/wrong/ashamed (or whatever negative feeling I'm trying to avoid) by telling her not to do it? It seems like a very fine line. Do I just keep saying 'save that for bedtime?" !

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garlicbum · 16/06/2012 00:29

Does she have a name for it, pebble? Admittedly her method's less easy to label than sitting on your foot or wiggling, but presumably the activity has a family description :) If not, make one up! Then it's a matter of however you choose to define privacy in your family - "It's fine to do this when you're on your own or just with us, but don't do it where other grown-ups can see you"?

It's a pity, isn't it - the first in a long, long, socialising string of Things We Don't Do In Front Of Other People :(

ZuleikaD · 16/06/2012 11:22

We just say 'not in the living room' or whatever. DD calls it fiddling her foof.

Original poster

creativepebble · 16/06/2012 14:12

Hi garlic, no name as yet. Fiddling her foof may work ZuleikaD!
This whole thread has made me feel much more relaxed about it, thanks all.
Basically, I need to chill a bit where this is concerned and just hope she learns the appropriate times very soon!

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MAK37 · 30/07/2015 15:24

Well ladies I am reading this 3yrs after your discussion. I only just joined mn to see if there was any info on gyrating! I have a 4yr old who puts on all of her dressing up clothes to gyrate! are your littlies still doing it or have they grown out of it. I have just said to my daughter it is fine if she is one her own. She keeps taking herself off though and it seems to be getting worse not better..... Oh to worry or not to worry eh?

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