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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

question about bed sharing

19 replies

RachelG · 23/02/2006 09:19

Hello

Does anyone have experience/opinion on bed sharing?

My 6 month old son has never been a good sleeper. He's breastfed (solids being slowly introduced, he hates it!), and wakes ever 2-3 hours for feeds. However, since the new year he's got worse and worse, waking every 15-30 minutes. There's no obvious reason, and he usually settles quickly with a cuddle. He sleeps in a cot next to my bed.

Anyway, last night I decided to try having him in bed with me, and we both slept much much better. Clearly he is hugely comforted by my presence, and doesn't wake as frequently.

So now I'm torn - do I keep him in bed with me for a while? Will it help him re-establish a better sleep pattern? Or will it just mean that I can never get him back in his cot again? I've read so many horror stories of toddlers who are still in the parental bed every night.

I'm a single Mum, so there's plenty of room in the bed. I desperately want sleep now, but I don't want to make life harder in the future.

Any thoughts?

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hugeheadofhair · 23/02/2006 09:30

Hi RachelG, I have co-slept with all three of mine, but not at the same time haha. I found it much easier for breastfeeding, not having to get up and be wide awake. I breastfed them lying down, so I just continued to snooze while they fed. Moved them up in in the bed when they finished. My DS1 was introduced to a cot when he was around 15 months, would start the night in there and would crawl into my bed around 1 am or so. Gradually that became later until it was in the morning. Just as well because then DS2 had come along (in our bed). He slept there till he was nearly 3 (didn't want the cot), but moved straight into big bed in DS1 bedroom (so they still sleep with someone). Now I've got DS3 in bed (8 months) and I don't know for how long he'll be there. I enjoyed it a lot, especially with breastfeeding. I've never really experienced broken nights because of it. And when you or they are ready, you move them out. It might be a bit difficult for a few days, but I found that no reason to suffer now, IYSWIM. Goodluck and happy sleeping!

FrannyandZooey · 23/02/2006 09:31

If you really can't stand the idea of a toddler in your bed, then yes, I would get him out now. However I think you could be tempted by long term co-sleeping - why not, it's lovely and loads of families in this country and worldwide enjoy sharing sleep together

blueshoes · 23/02/2006 09:34

RachelG, is life necessarily harder just because you share a bed with ds ? Unless he sleeps like a pin wheel and keeps you awake, if both of you are getting sleep, that is a great result.

I took dd into my bed at 5 months for the reasons you mentioned. From waking 3x a hour, she now sleeps through every night. She is still in there at 2.5 years and I have no intention of kicking her out. I love the closeness of her at night and her smiles and cuddles when we wake up. Will be sad to give that up.

I have never tried to get dd back into her cot - so cannot really advise about the "rod for your own back" aspect of co-sleeping. But if you keep an open mind about how long ds will be in your bed, I have no doubt that he will transition relatively painlessly to a bed when he is ready.

kittyfish · 23/02/2006 11:48

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alexsmum · 23/02/2006 11:53

i co-slept with ds1 until he was 3 and i do it off and on with ds2.they are both fab sleepers and ds1 of course hardly ever comes in our bed now-usually just in the mornong to wake me up!
if you get your sleep and lo gets his sleep then go for it!

hugeheadofhair · 23/02/2006 12:09

I agree with blueshoes. The transition out of the parental bed was not stressful at all with my two. DS1 used to come to our bed in the middle of the night for a while, and he was welcome, but we would then put him back in his own bed when he was asleep again. This became later and later, like in the early morning and afther a while it just stopped. DS2, who was older when he left our bed, just did the same thing a few times. No big deal really.

maisiemog · 25/02/2006 23:33

I bf my 15 month old ds, he co-slept and slept in a carrycot for the first 5 months (teeny), the carrycot was used for daytime naps just for convenience. He started to co-sleep exclusively from then, until there was just not enough room for us all, then I started him off for the night in his cot next to the bed and he would wake up to come in with me when I went to bed and spend the night (unless he was jumping all over the place, and then I would stick him in the cot until he calmed down).
He took his daytime naps in the cot for the main part.
We have recently bought a superkingsize bed and taken the cot down, so he is in with us and napping in the bed full-time, and will do until he wants his own room/bed.
He can be a pain in the bum some nights, but I enjoy him and don't want to miss any of his babyhood, so I don't mind too much. He loves a cuddle.
I have had lots of comments about how confident and well-adjusted he is and he is quite easy to leave with babysitters or at creches, just fits right in. I think being so close has made him feel very secure, which I think is the aim of attachment parenting.
So I would say if you can both sleep in the bed,go for it, you don't have anything to lose and you could be doing a lot for her personal development by co-sleeping.

Babydaze · 26/02/2006 00:55

I don't see anything wrong with co sleeping with a baby. Obviously so long as you (or partner) are not on medication or haven't had alcohol. My DD regularly slept in our bed until she was 7 mths. Then when we put her in her own room she's started to sleep through the night by herself. However on the odd occasion when she wakes in the night, I'm happy to take her into bed with us. It's only natural.My own midwife recommended co sleeping. She said as long as you sleep facing your baby, you won't roll onto her. It's true.Don't worry too much RachelG. Do what feels natural for you as a mum, you won't go far wrong.

Chandra · 26/02/2006 01:06

I would add that it also depends on the baby. We tried to co sleep but after several ocassions when I found him well under the duvet (at my feet to be exact), and the day that I woke up with him under my legs and took me a while to wake him up (I thought I had axfixiated him!), we decided that co-sleeping was not for us, and felt able to relax in the knowledge that he was not going to get himself into trouble. But if you have a baby that doesn't moves much at night, I don't see why not.

Cristina7 · 26/02/2006 07:54

Since your baby is so young and you're single, i'd say take him in your bed.

Cristina7 · 26/02/2006 07:56

BTW i also found grobags helpful, DD sleeps v well in them and i don't worry about bedding coming off.

P0SSUM · 26/02/2006 08:22

i dont co-sleep and never would....just not for me. i think that consistency is fair on the kids. so think about it. if its for you, then go for it. imo i dont think its fair to start, then decide a couple of months later that you dont like it and then go through all the angst of cc or whatever.

saadia · 26/02/2006 09:06

We started co-sleeping with ds1 when he was born, and now that he is 4 we still are. TBH we have never attempted moving him but I think he will now find it very difficult to get used to sleeping alone,

Ds2 (age 2)has been in the cot since birth, and at night prefers sleeping there. Sometimes he cries at night and I bring him into the bed but once he's settled he asks for the cot.

I think if I were you I would co-sleep as you will get better sleep, but it will be something you have to deal with later. Depending on your ds's temperament it may not be too much of a problem though. I haven't got to that stage yet with ds1 so can't say, but I imagine I will have a struggle on my hands.

hermykne · 26/02/2006 09:10

rachel i think your baby is still a baby and misses your comfort at night. he could sleep beside you but if he settles i would lift him back into his cot. to get him use to waking in it. does he nap in the day for you in a cot? i wouldnt worry abut him sleeping in the bed with you now , in a few months he will settle and you'll have your bed to yourself unless its what u wnt

Debbiethemum · 26/02/2006 09:25

Rachel

Can I also say, if you co-sleep now, you don't have to still be doing it at 3. I co-slept with both of mine and shifted them into their cot full-time when I stopped breastfeeding. Easily & without controlled crying. (Sleeping thrugh was a different matter). I kept the cot though and they would use the cot for daytime naps so was always happy in there & they would start the night off in the cot, just came into our bed when they woke up for a feed and tended to stay for the night. If I was still awake when they finished they would sometimes go back in the cot - if I had the energy to move them back.
As the feeds in the night reduced, they just ended up sleeping for longer in the cot so it was quite a natural transition.
Go for it

fairyjay · 26/02/2006 09:32

My ds was in his cot from when we returned home from hospital, and still loves his own bed.

My dd (a yr younger) slept in a carrycot as a small baby, in the nursery, but would wake up sometimes over 20 times a night, just wanting reassurance.

She moved into bed with one of us (usually me!) for about 50% of nights. At 12, she still asks to sleep with one of us on the odd occasion, if she's ill or worried about something.

Doesn't worry me in the slightest. She's a happy, confident child, who just needs cuddles.

ruty · 26/02/2006 14:08

i had terrible problems getting ds to sleep as a baby, until at 3 months he started to sleep with us. bliss! He still sleeps with us at 17 months and still breastfeeds a bit at night, but he and i both almost sleep through it. However, we have an open cot beside the bed and he can roll into it if he feels like it, which he does occasionally. my own worry is if we have another baby what we'll do then !

RedZuleika · 26/02/2006 14:22

As my MIL said, you don't see many 16 year olds still sleeping in their parents' bed, do you? The idea being that even if you are 'making a rod for your back', at some point they'll grow out of it.

We have a bedside cot, but DD (four and a half months old) wouldn't settle in it initially. Co-sleeping, she slept fine, waking only for feeds. Now she's a bit bigger (and a bit of a disruptive sleeper, to be honest - lots of grunting and flailing of limbs), I have shunted her back on to the bedside cot without any problems. Initially, I did have to warm the bottom sheet with a hot water bottle before she got in. She wakes at about 4am and I take her back into bed with us then. That allows me to do the bulk of my sleep spread out, comfortably, but still get in some cuddling. And since she sleeps fine in her cot for most of the night and goes back to sleep straight away when brought into our bed, I'm assuming it's working for her. And I do like watching her wake up .

fairyjay · 26/02/2006 17:38

RZ
I always used to say the same as your MIL - but dd is now 12, and still likes to spend the odd night with me!

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