What can your 4/5 year old do?

[MamaMaiasaura]

I've a 4year 6 month old who has just been dx with autism. To me he is the same lovely boy. I've just received DLA forms and there is alot to fill in and a lot he doesn't/can't do and I just thought most children his age couldn't. Can your dc

1. Get undressed fully (tops as well)
2. Dress themselves
3. Be aware of dangers
4. Be safe by road
5. Cut up food
6. Feed themselves reliably with spoon and fork
7. Cope with changes to routine
8. Do you need to settle them in bed and for how long?
9. Do you help washing their hands

10. Do you wipe their bottoms 11. Can they wash themselves 12. Can they brush own teeth

Not got form to hand as dd sleeping on me, but would really appreciate knowing what most kids can do and if they can/can't do other stuff too.

I'm sorry to hear about your dx. Hope you and he gets the help he needs.

To answer your questions:

1. Get undressed fully (tops as well)

yes

1. Dress themselves

yes

1. Be aware of dangers

some, not all

1. Be safe by road

yes generally but wouldn't trust him to forget

1. Cut up food

yes

1. Feed themselves reliably with spoon and fork

yes

1. Cope with changes to routine

yes

1. Do you need to settle them in bed and for how long?

no, self settles and always has done

1. Do you help washing their hands

no 10. Do you wipe their bottoms sometimes, when he's feeling lazy/had a squidgy poo 11. Can they wash themselves yes 12. Can they brush own teeth yes

have an 8 year old who only mastered many of the above only in the past year.
Never ever had any inkling that he might be on the spectrum or even need assessment.
you got me wondering now.....

I'm sorry to hear about the diagnosis, especially if it has come as a shock. You might get better advice and support in the SN area, but to answer your questions, my DD is 4.5 and can do everything on the list above except cut up her own food very well. I really hope that doesn't come across as boastful or worry you at all, please remember that every child is different and there are lots of things she can't do that her friends can.

DS is 5,

1. Get undressed fully (tops as well)

YES

1. Dress themselves

YES

1. Be aware of dangers

YES

1. Be safe by road

YES, BUT I LOOK AFTER HIM ANYWAY

1. Cut up food

YES

1. Feed themselves reliably with spoon and fork

YES, BUT STILL A BIT MESSY

1. Cope with changes to routine

YES

1. Do you need to settle them in bed and for how long?

NO

1. Do you help washing their hands

YES, I CLEAN HIS NAILS PROPERLY, STILL DOESNT DO IT 100% WELL 10. Do you wipe their bottoms ONLY IF HE HAS A MESSY POO, BUT NOT GENERALLY 11. Can they wash themselves NO, I DO IT 12. Can they brush own teeth HAVENT TRIED, I PREFER TO MAKE SURE THEY ARE VERY CLEAN SO STILL DO IT MYSELF

My nearly 5yo can:

1. Get undressed fully (tops as well)

Yes

1. Dress themselves

Yes, except he doesn't like to. Can't manage zips, but partually because he won't try

1. Be aware of dangers

Some

1. Be safe by road

Yes, although he doesn't always look it

1. Cut up food

Yes, on his terms.

1. Feed themselves reliably with spoon and fork

yes

1. Cope with changes to routine

Yes

1. Do you need to settle them in bed and for how long?

Yes, reading a story, sometimes lying with him. Less than 30 minutes

1. Do you help washing their hands

No 10. Do you wipe their bottoms Sometimes 11. Can they wash themselves Yes 12. Can they brush own teeth Yes, although I usually prefer to do it as I do a better job. He does it first then I finish off usually

Sorry to hear that Mama. DS1 could do all of those things by Reception age, whether he chose to or not was a different matter Oh and has always self settled, by singing mostly!

While bedtime routine can take nearly 2 hours. An hour is short here . He must get out of bath only if toys are out too as he worries the plug will swallow them, must then have my dressing gown wrapped around him I. His towel as its a "force field". Be read no less than 3 stories whilst eating cucumber and yoghurt. Toilet and teeth clean with nappy on (is mostly dry at night now). Then has song in bed and I lay with him till he falls asleep humming Brahms lullaby. If routine changes - meltdown.

Uh oh - tears, got to go

Blimey, that sounds like hard work. 2 hrs Our bedtime routine with both DS's takes about 1/2 an hour at most I should think. Mind you it only includes a bath 3 nights a week

DD1 is 4.2

1. Get undressed fully (tops as well) - mostly, unless there are awkward buttons at the back
2. Dress themselves - same
3. Be aware of dangers - yes
4. Be safe by road - yes, but I watch her very closely and hold her hand by busy roads
5. Cut up food - she tries, but not really
6. Feed themselves reliably with spoon and fork - yes
7. Cope with changes to routine - yes
8. Do you need to settle them in bed and for how long? - no, she has 30 mins to "read" then lights out
9. Do you help washing their hands - I try to, she is not thorough

10. Do you wipe their bottoms - yes 11. Can they wash themselves - yes 12. Can they brush own teeth - yes, but I am not convinced she's doing the best job

Hi. As others have said, hope dx means the beginning of lots of support. My dd, 4.5, can:

1. Get undressed fully (tops as well) - yes, although still struggles with buttons
2. Dress themselves - yes, as above
3. Be aware of dangers - some; wouldn't trust her to be reliable re this though
4. Be safe by road - she will wait for me and not try to cross alone
5. Cut up food - sometimes needs help
6. Feed themselves reliably with spoon and fork - yes
7. Cope with changes to routine - yes
8. Do you need to settle them in bed and for how long? - self settles after story; has little music player and is normally asleep when it turns itself off after 15 mins
9. Do you help washing their hands - no

10. Do you wipe their bottoms - sometimes - aforementioned squidgy poos 11. Can they wash themselves - yes 12. Can they brush own teeth - yes, although I will finish them off

I have a 4 yr 7 month DS, he can do the following,

1. Get undressed fully (tops as well)

Yes, mostly, but does get tops stuck on his head and panic at times

1. Dress themselves

Yes

1. Be aware of dangers

Yes

1. Be safe by road

Yes, mostly, but I have to warn him about playing too near the curb at times

1. Cut up food

Just learned in the last month or so

1. Feed themselves reliably with spoon and fork

Yes, but will revert to fingers if he thinks no one is looking

1. Cope with changes to routine

Yes

1. Do you need to settle them in bed and for how long?

Story, quick chat then I leave.

1. Do you help washing their hands

No 10. Do you wipe their bottoms Again, he has just mastered this. 11. Can they wash themselves Yes 12. Can they brush own teeth Yes, but I always do it after he has had a go because I don't think he would be thorough.

I hope that is some help. I hope your DS gets the help he needs

1. Get undressed fully (tops as well) - yes
2. Dress themselves - almost, needs help with tops
3. Be aware of dangers - yes
4. Be safe by road - yes
5. Cut up food -yes

6. Feed themselves reliably with spoon and fork - yes 7. Cope with changes to routine - yes 8. Do you need to settle them in bed and for how long? - not sure what they mean, he gets stories in bed every night but i keave when he's awake

1. Do you help washing their hands - no

10. Do you wipe their bottoms - not usually 11. Can they wash themselves - yes, would rather be dirty though :-) 12. Can they brush own teeth - yes

My DS is 4 yrs 6 mths too.

mama try to get in touch with a local support group and get help filling it in. In our group we shared copies of our forms for support as it is daunting to fill one in, and also you forget simple things that can make a difference to the award, cos you take them for granted and don't realise its "not normal"
Also get your paediatric team to help and think about help from the CAB too.
You don't want to get knocked back as the appeal system is tiring and your DS DOES deserve this benefit nd you need all your energy.
Like someone else said too, put this post in SN for more advice
Good luck

DS is just 5.

1. Get undressed fully (tops as well) YES
2. Dress themselves - He can, he is just lazy sometimes.
3. Be aware of dangers - YES
4. Be safe by road - YES
5. Cut up food - YES
6. Feed themselves reliably with spoon and fork - YES
7. Cope with changes to routine - YES as long as he is talked through things.
8. Do you need to settle them in bed and for how long? - Teeth, nappy, story, kiss and leave (5 - 25 mins depending on story)
9. Do you help washing their hands - NO

10. Do you wipe their bottoms - Yes 'cos he is a lazy bugger and doesn't do it very well. 11. Can they wash themselves - YES 12. Can they brush own teeth - YES but we still do it as a check.

But DS also has to make sure he is out of the bath before the water goes out. I count down from 10 and at 10 will take out the plug. That gives him the push he needs to get out. He isn't bothered about his toys though.

6 months ago would have had slightly different answers. He has grown up a huge amount in this 6 months. School has made a massive difference.

I'm sorry you've had this shock. I had a curve ball like this thrown at me at my last parents evening, but have since decided DS's teacher is a bit off the mark. DS will be 5 in two weeks.

1. Get undressed fully (tops as well)

Yes

1. Dress themselves

Yes

1. Be aware of dangers

Yes

1. Be safe by road

Yes

1. Cut up food

Yes

1. Feed themselves reliably with spoon and fork

Yes

1. Cope with changes to routine

Not easily, needs encouragement/emotional support, can have a full on meltdown if overtired.

1. Do you need to settle them in bed and for how long?

Same routine every night, story, songs, light out and left to fall asleep, never any trouble since a baby.

1. Do you help washing their hands

Sometimes gets sent back as not good enough! But I just think of this as typical boy behaviour!

10. Do you wipe their bottoms
    No, not since 4.3

11. Can they wash themselves
    Yes

12. Can they brush own teeth
    Yes, but not to my standards, so I always 'finish off'.

All the best with yr DS.

Hope you can find support for you both.

My DS is just 4

1. Get undressed fully (tops as well) - yes, but he does struggle with some tops as he gets his head stuck.

1. Dress themselves - yes

1. Be aware of dangers - some. He knows that the cooker is hot, that he has to hold hands by the road because of cars, etc - he has very awareness of "strangers". I wouldn't say he is reliable on things though as he's easily distracted.

1. Be safe by road - see above

1. Cut up food - with help

1. Feed themselves reliably with spoon and fork - yes

1. Cope with changes to routine - yes

1. Do you need to settle them in bed and for how long? - no, books read, kisses, lights out.

1. Do you help washing their hands - no

10. Do you wipe their bottoms - no, but he's only just got the knack

11. Can they wash themselves - yes, but hates doing his face so I generally have to intervene

12. Can they brush own teeth - yes, with help for the back ones

Long list!

Can consistently do:

1. Feed themselves reliably with spoon and fork
2. washing their hands

Wipes own bottom

Can often do:

1. Get undressed fully (tops as well)
2. Be aware of dangers
3. Be safe by road
4. Cope with changes to routine

Usually Needs help

1. Dress themselves
2. Do you need to settle them in bed and for how long? (varies)

? Washing self, may need muck pointed out

Dunno

1. Cut up food

yes, but not allowed! My job
12. Can they brush own teeth

oops, forgot to say DS is 4y+3m

Mamamiasaura, do post in SN. Whether your DS can do any of those things in terms of function is a bit of a red herring. For a DLA claim, you have to take a much wider view and consider all of those things in the context of a normal family day.

E.G. getting dressed. A child may be able to technically dress, although at this age, items on inside out/backwards, etc., are quite normal, but when you put that child amongst every day stimuli, they might lose that ability.

Mine is 4 years and 8 months. DISCLAIMER - he is my "baby" - also my third DC so a lot of what he can do is as a result of my protectiveness and/or my lackadaisicalness.

1. Get undressed fully (tops as well) Yes
2. Dress themselves No. Probably could but can't be arsed
3. Be aware of dangers Yes I think so
4. Be safe by road Yes
5. Cut up food No but crap fine motor skills run in family
6. Feed themselves reliably with spoon and fork Sort of
7. Cope with changes to routine As long as explained in advance
8. Do you need to settle them in bed and for how long? God yes have to get in with him until he goes to sleep. Sigh.
9. Do you help washing their hands Not usually but do if I want it done properly. This is also the case with DS1 (nearly 12)

10. Do you wipe their bottoms Yes Am trying to teach him this one. 11. Can they wash themselves You having a laugh? 12. Can they brush own teeth Probably could but prefers me to do it

mama, sorry for your DS's dx. my girl (4) has autism as well and would struggle with a lot of things on your list.
re DLA form. just google "cerebra guide" - really, really helpful when filling in the dla form. I could not have done it without it. and pop over to the SN board. many of us over there have DC with ASD :)

Thanks everyone. Will call for cereba guide, had to wait for dla form to arrive as apparantly 2 different ones at moment. Have posted re dx in SN but still finding it all a bit of a steep learning curve and I'm in denial

My son is 4 and 3 months:

1. Get undressed fully (tops as well) No
2. Dress themselves No
3. Be aware of dangers Mostly
4. Be safe by road No
5. Cut up food No
6. Feed themselves reliably with spoon and fork Mostly
7. Cope with changes to routine No
8. Do you need to settle them in bed and for how long? Bath, story x 2, music on, lght off and leave to settle
9. Do you help washing their hands Sometimes

10. Do you wipe their bottoms Yes 11. Can they wash themselves No 12. Can they brush own teeth No

Try not to worry mama. I really do think they are all so different at this age. My son appears behind in many of these areas compared to his peers (but he is way, way ahead in many others), but I do think there is every chance he will catch up and I am not going to worry about it yet!

I should add mama that I am starting to think my son is mildly dyspraxic (rather than autistic or ASD)