What can your 4/5 year old do?

[MamaMaiasaura]

I've a 4year 6 month old who has just been dx with autism. To me he is the same lovely boy. I've just received DLA forms and there is alot to fill in and a lot he doesn't/can't do and I just thought most children his age couldn't. Can your dc

1. Get undressed fully (tops as well)
2. Dress themselves
3. Be aware of dangers
4. Be safe by road
5. Cut up food
6. Feed themselves reliably with spoon and fork
7. Cope with changes to routine
8. Do you need to settle them in bed and for how long?
9. Do you help washing their hands

10. Do you wipe their bottoms 11. Can they wash themselves 12. Can they brush own teeth

Not got form to hand as dd sleeping on me, but would really appreciate knowing what most kids can do and if they can/can't do other stuff too.

oh mama, i know, getting the dx is devastating, even when you are expecting it. just be kind to yourself.

DS1 is 4.4 and can just about do all of those things apart from brush his teeth. But there seem to be a lot his age that can't do these things independently, I think a lot of them need teaching carefully and don't just happen without parents persevering in teaching them.

Dd is 4.10 and can do all of those things except brush her own teeth because we do that for her so its done properly but if it helps she knows how to do it and understand why it has to be done

MY DD is 4 years and 2 months

1. Get undressed fully (tops as well) (No...needs help usually)
2. Dress themselves (not socks or leggings)
3. Be aware of dangers (not really!)
4. Be safe by road (nope)
5. Cut up food (a little)
6. Feed themselves reliably with spoon and fork (yes)
7. Cope with changes to routine (yes)
8. Do you need to settle them in bed and for how long? (no)
9. Do you help washing their hands (no)

10. Do you wipe their bottoms (only if it's a messy poo) 11. Can they wash themselves (sort of but it takes a long time) 12. Can they brush own teeth (no..I think its reccommended that you help them until they're 6 or 7)

But she can write her name, knows the alphabet and count to 40...she can draw a person and she can hop and ride a bike with stabilisers....

I guess I'd not noticed how much more we need to do and be there for ds2. Feel sorry for ds1 and baby dd as they do lose out in time abit. He's asleep now but dd latched back on (teething). Once I've put her in cot then I go spend time reading to ds1 till 9. I thought everyone was like us.

Re road thing, he will hold my hand and stay close by but then he will also run and cross without me trying to catch up with friend. Only last week did I have to sort dd and while back was turned he'd disappeared into the woods with older kids, and I mean out of sight. They are good kids but ds2 would go with anyone. At the park he was fine till airplane went over then focus gone as the planes hurting his ears and he's only thought is to get away. Right dd asleep. Time for ds1

DS1 is 5.3.

1. Get undressed fully (tops as well)

Yes (for about a year)

1. Dress themselves

Yes (see above)

1. Be aware of dangers

Sometimes, not always!

1. Be safe by road

Yes

1. Cut up food

Not really

1. Feed themselves reliably with spoon and fork

Yes

1. Cope with changes to routine

Yes but needs plenty of notice

1. Do you need to settle them in bed and for how long?

No

1. Do you help washing their hands

No

10. Do you wipe their bottoms
    No

11. Can they wash themselves
    Kind of

12. Can they brush own teeth
    Yes

Thehouse. The form doesn't ask what he can do like that . He can add, subtract, count past 100, order numbers even big numbers. Read, spell (writing is very scruffy), knows more about space than most adults, can order solar system, name the moons of the various abets and describe them, like volcanos or Icey, he can recite lines out of some many films, whizz on the computer. He can't ride a bike and refuses to try, but he can run quick. He also gives the best cuddles and tell me he loves everything about me .

My DS3, 5.3 can do all, but uses a knife and fork - however only because he has DS1 and DS2 to copy, I can't remember exactly but I am sure that DS1 would have scored pretty badly on that list.
Hope you get the support you and your DC needs.

ok my ds4 is 4yrs 2 mths,

1. Get undressed fully (tops as well) yes as long as the top isnt too tight.
2. Dress themselves yes again as long as the top isnt too tight, he seems to have a big head!
3. Be aware of dangers yes i would say he failry danger aware
4. Be safe by road yes if anything he has too much fear of the road
5. Cut up food yes when he wants to.
6. Feed themselves reliably with spoon and fork yes but again when he wants to and its something he likes eating!
7. Cope with changes to routine yes not a problem
8. Do you need to settle them in bed and for how long? bedtime routine of toilet, night nappy, pjs, teeth and story done in 15mins ish and then he goes to sleep, alwasy been good tho as he sucks his thumb, he must have his special blanket and lotso bear tho!
9. Do you help washing their hands sometimes, he can do it but i tend to help

10. Do you wipe their bottoms he does this himself (only recently) but i check and help if needed. 11. Can they wash themselves umm i guess he can, he does in the bath but again i help 12. Can they brush own teeth not very well i just do them for him tbh

i think a lot is that he has to be independent as i ahve 5 children and he copies his three older brothers and is desperate to be a big boy like them :)

DS is now 5 but trying to think back. He has dyspraxia.

1. Get undressed fully (tops as well) NO
2. Dress themselves NO
3. Be aware of dangers Yes, to a certain extent
4. Be safe by road yes
5. Cut up food no
6. Feed themselves reliably with spoon and fork yes
7. Cope with changes to routine yes
8. Do you need to settle them in bed and for how long? does that include reading? if yes 20 mminutes. If not, 5-10 minutes
9. Do you help washing their hands YES if not they are not clean properly!

10. Do you wipe their bottoms Yes 11. Can they wash themselves No 12. Can they brush own teeth Yes but we do a quick brush after to make sure.

mama he sounds lovely. My DS can't do a lot of those things but he is currently being assessed for HFA so I guess he's not the best comparison. Just wanted to say that whatever he can/can't do, he is still your beautiful little boy who loves everything about you .

skidd thanks. How old is your ds? Hole all goes well. II thought it was just a check to say "we've checked and all ok", you know belts and braces. Didn't expect dx then and there. He is the same lovely quirky boy. My worries are him, but how others may treat him. People can be utter bastards.

My worries are not him

My DS has ASD too - he is 5.4

1. Get undressed fully (tops as well) - No
2. Dress themselves - No
3. Be aware of dangers - No
4. Be safe by road - Not really
5. Cut up food - No
6. Feed themselves reliably with spoon and fork - No
7. Cope with changes to routine - Not well
8. Do you need to settle them in bed and for how long? - It takes about 2 hours, then he is awake for about 1-2 hours in the night,
9. Do you help washing their hands - He wont wash them.

10. Do you wipe their bottoms - DS is still in nappies. 11. Can they wash themselves - No 12. Can they brush own teeth - Just about, but only the front ones.

Sorry if that isnt helpful :(

1. Get undressed fully (tops as well)

Yes

1. Dress themselves

Yes

1. Be aware of dangers

Yes to a certain extent.

1. Be safe by road

Yes.

1. Cut up food

Yes

1. Feed themselves reliably with spoon and fork

Yes

1. Cope with changes to routine

Yes

1. Do you need to settle them in bed and for how long?

We have a bed time routine. Chocolate milk, put on PJs, toilet, wash hands + face, brush teeth, say goodnight to whichever parent isn't putting her to bed (DP and I take turns), read her a bedtime story then hugs & kisses. Probably takes... about 45minutes.

1. Do you help washing their hands

No 10. Do you wipe their bottoms No 11. Can they wash themselves Yes though sometimes I have to remind her to wash some body parts. 12. Can they brush own teeth Yes.

He sounds lovely, similar to my DS in some ways (also very interested in space). And yes, your DS is still the same lovely boy. The forms must be really annoying.

There's only so much you can control and this is true for all kids, autistic or not. It must be a shock to have the dx but hope it will be a help rather than a hindrance in time- re getting support, understanding his needs etc.

In answer to your question, well DS is a year older and can do most of those things, although I'd still watch him carefully with roads. I also brush his teeth and he's not brilliant at doing them himself. Finds cutting up food difficult (prob cos I do it...). He was pretty bad at changes to routine until 4 I'd say then it improved gradually.

1. Get undressed fully (tops as well) - yes
2. Dress themselves - yes
3. Be aware of dangers - yes she's very sensible!
4. Be safe by road - yes
5. Cut up food - yes, unless it's something tough like meat
6. Feed themselves reliably with spoon and fork - yes
7. Cope with changes to routine - yes
8. Do you need to settle them in bed and for how long? yes, probably about 20 mins for story and cuddle
9. Do you help washing their hands - no

10. Do you wipe their bottoms - no 11. Can they wash themselves - yes, when I remind her to! 12. Can they brush own teeth - yes with supervision

DD is 4.11

My 5 year can do all the above, but sometimes doesn't want to if tired etc. Loves eating with fingers but can use knife and forks well. Can get undressed but not if something is quite tight. She can cope with changes to routine but gets upset at broken promises (eg. You can have x for tea, then I forget and make something else).

mama, my DS is 4.5. Completely agree that it is not him but how others treat him which can be utterly heartbreaking. My DS loves dressing up as a girl and is obsessed with princesses so you can imagine that doesn't go down too well - he is pretty oblivious to other people's reactions but it still awakens the lioness within when I see other children smirking, name-calling, or worst of all recoiling

I reckon you will need a good while to get your head around the diagnosis - it is a massive deal and not something you can just take on board immediately. I would really recommend the SN boards on here - people really properly understand what it's like. I am mostly a lurker but I find it massively comforting that others are having the same rollercoaster of emtions as me.

Good luck to you and your lovely DS

My dd2 who has just turned 4 can do all those but her perception of danger is shaky (actually tho I think she perceives it but doesn't care much!) and she needs changes to routine explained thoroughly or she can have a meltdown.

My DD is 4.9yrs old can do all of the things listed. Doesn't like wiping her bottom...but that is more of an 'ick' thing than a capable thing.

My DD is 5

1. Get undressed fully (tops as well) can but chooses not to
2. Dress themselves can but chooses not to
3. Be aware of dangers not really
4. Be safe by road what 5 yo is safe by road?
5. Cut up food yes
6. Feed themselves reliably with spoon and fork yes
7. Cope with changes to routine no. Instant meltdown if I go the 'wrong" way
8. Do you need to settle them in bed and for how long? getting worse - now up to 2 hours of "I need a hug/ I'm scared/ wipe my bottom"
9. Do you help washing their hands yes

10. Do you wipe their bottoms yes (wasn't doing this for any of my other children once they were out of nappies 11. Can they wash themselves yes 12. Can they brush own teeth yes but to ensure they are clean I supervise, and/or do it myself

Hi. My son turned 5 in March. He can do everything on the list BUT whilst he understands road and general danger he can still be reckless sometimes, plus whilst he can cope with change, he's not a big fan - takes him a day or to to adjust (so going away for the weekend can be a bit fraught)

My dd1 is 4.10. Yes to q 1-7 and 11,12. No to 8-10. She has always been quite independent though. I know plenty of 4 year olds who needs help with most things.