....I always look for advice online and find myself back here often. I am now at a stage where I need to ask other arents for some advice.
I think I would have to tell you the whole story to give you a proper insight into the situation. I will try and do this as best as I can.
My son who is 9, turning 10 in May. I also have a daughter aged 7. I divorced his father when he was 4 - It was a troubling time. His dad turned to Alcohol he was a very angry and abusive partner. It was not safe for us all to stay there - We moved away somewhere safe. (Moving 4 times within the year)
Both my son and my daughter missed their dad and after months had passed I made sure contact was reinstated. Trouble being this had to be on thier Fathers terms and this was not consistent and upset the children, more so my son.
After offering mediation and getting lawyers involved so he would stick to times etc.... We could not contact him for one whole year. He vanished and responded to no lawyers letters or offers of contact.
During this year I met my partner (Who I still am crazy in love with after nearly 6 years). My new partner noticed the struggle I was going through when he met me and has been a rock for me and my children - More so than thier own father - and still continues to be. He has a very good relationship with both my kids and has been their for them constantly 7 days a week for them the last 5 years - and still continues to be.
Also during the period his Dad was awol my son had loads of behavioural problems and I was often riddled with guilt. (I still am) I put this
down to his Dad not being about, His Dad and I's violent relationship,also
moving house so many times. Starting school was hard for him - he was withdrawn and constantly stealing and lying. Then after a year his Dad turned up out of the blue asking me to give him the children for the weekend. I had no idea where he was living ( turns out it was the marital home) nor did I know what mental state he was in. I set up supervised contact at the local family centre where they saw there dad once a fortnight - This would have broke anyones heart. I did not want this for my children but they needed to establish some kind of relationship with him. I also had mediation during this period with their Dad and it was probably the hardest thing I have ever done. I was scared at first but I knew it was the best for the children and agreed to them staying over every second weekend from the Friday- Sun. This is still in place. His Dad and new partner are due a baby in July and they both recently got married of which my children were a part of.
My son is now 9 has done great at school I think, considering everything that has went on in his life so far. He is behind most people in his class and has very low self esteem/confidence. He behaves in a way I would expect someone much younger to behave. Silly nosies and loads of cheeky comments. He throws things around for fun and if I check his behaviour and send him to his room its.. " So" " Don't care" shrugging his shoulders and pulling faces - drives me mad!! I have smacked him before but that was my problem, not his and it doesn't work anyway - just makes the behaviour worse. He never sits still unless in front of the tv - even then he alaways chews things.. bits of paper, rubber bands, anything he always has something in his mouth..... I don't understand. I must say to him at least once a day - every day to take things out his mouth and put in the bin. He costantly swings on chairs.... over and over again he will be reminded to not do it. He is lying all the time and blaming everything on his little sister ( sometimes she is to blame ) He gets very, very angry and upset when he gets into trouble and never seems to repent ( Only word I can think off!) He has bad eyesight but can see fine with glasses. He smells things a lot and I put this down to his poor vision. He is a complete "figit".
He can be very nasty to his little sister and his siter is starting to encourage his silly behaviour whilst getting herself into trouble. Difference being my daughter takes a telling. Also she can express her feelings, unlike her older brother. He never talks about his feelings and when he does I feel hes just saying things to please me. He is very sly and lying whe thing at the moment -I have no idea whats up with my wee boy... I love him dearly and so deos my partner of whom has had buttons pushed by my son he never knew he even had.
My partner does not take their dads place but he does echo the rules of the house he works hard and is an excellent role model for a 9 year old boy - this is also a bit confusing as I would have thought some my partners grown up positive behaviour would have rubbed off... he takes my son skateboarding, surfing, bmxing... always helping him out. Being there. My son
still chooses to make my partners life difficult.
I have no idea if he is even happy seeing his Dad. I get the impression his Dad is his world and he wishes he could be there rather than here. I can't talk to him about it as most of the time he just gets upset. He is very emotional but can be a happy, kind, loving little boy....This is just starting to effect every relationship in the house and I'm scared as I'm not sure what my next move should be......and feel quite sad and helpless and worry about my boy day in day out.
So sorry to rant on so much and also If it doesn't make sense I apologise. I have never made out to be the perfect parent but I will get to the bottom of this one way or another. Hopefully before I end up in a mental hospital.
Many Thanks and I really do wish advice.
Vics x