nightmare 21 moth old

[furlong]

I can honestly say i am not enjoying being a parent at all at the moment,my dd is 21 months old and is having daily tantrums at about most things eg changing nappy,bathing, and if not throwing a tantrum then is whining It seems that whatever approach i take to this behaviour makes it worse,I try and ingore it which i can do for a short time but you kinda loose patience when it is happening all day and this results in me shouting which makes me feel terrible.Or i try and be assertive in a calm way, but this also makes the tantrums worse. I can feel myself close to tears as i am writing this as i all i want to do is my my dd happy,and also change the way i act during this behaviour as i feel my behaviour is not hyelping the situation.My partner used to be really patient,but it is also starting to get him down and i feel we are not as close as we used to be. I am looking for any help or advice about this behaviour,is there any books about toddlers behaviour that anyone could recommend

I feel for you. My DS1 was like this. I remember on many occasions sitting on the living room floor sobbing. It is totally exhausting and soul destroying. All I can say to shed a little hope is that by the time he reached 2 1/2 all the tantrums stopped (almost overnight) and he was a sheer delight.

Some toddlers are worse than others. Is this a sudden thing or has it slowly increased as she has got older?

We also discovered that DS1 had dairy intolerance and when we cut out dairy his mood did improve. How is she eating and sleeping?

Take a deep breath, count to 1 million and smile.
Remember that if you're in a foul mood your tot is going to know about it and it'll be harder to deal with.
The tantrums do pass and pretty soon you'll be finding other things cropping up that you need to deal with.
It's hard isn't it, sometimes I don't like it either. Can your Dp/DH take over a bit to give you a break?

furlong, no advice, just empathy got ds2 22 months exactly the same!!! But also have dd who is 10 weeks!!Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

We also went through this at that age with dd (she's 2.5 now) - she didn't have tantrums but was whingeing all day long - from the time she got up, till the time she went to bed - and then she'd be in hystericas so story time took well over 45 mins! It got so bad that dh and I were praying she doesn't get ill so we don't have to be at home with her (she goes to nursery)... Then all of the sudden, just before her 2nd birthday, it got a lot better, and after her Birthday she snapped out of it. She'd an ANGEL now, with no whingeing, no stress - in fact, she's too good! It must be a phase where just after they can communicate their needs, they "must see" what the boundaries are and test them, then when they know, they calm down and off we go on with our lives... seems like it anyway
To make your life a little easiser my advice would be not to battle with your dd where it's not necessary. We found that if we gave in at some little things, she'd be better and co-operate with us more, but if we kept saying "no" to everything and kept ignoring her all the time, she'd just get worse. Give her things to let her frustration out - like painting - messy, but well worth it at the end. When changing a nappy, tell her she'll be rewarded with whatever (you choose whether it's an activity she loves or a sweetie) - after a nappy change. If necessary, prepare whatever you want to give her prior to changing and call her over... Same with bath - we found to get her in the bath we had to get bath crayons, crazy soap (from any supermarket) and stuff like that. It's a lot of bribing but it does work and it doesn't make your child a spoilt brat - our dd is an example of that - we are yet to have a proper tantrum - she has never had one - since she was born! (Knocking on all wood in the house right now). Just be patient with her and you will be OK very soon.