What age would you expect your kids to pick up after themselves without your help

[yawningmonster]

DS has just spent an hour screaming like a banshee at being asked to put every pillow in the house back where it belongs. He was quite capable of getting them all out (6 big sofa cushions, 8 smaller sofa cushions, 12 bed pillows) was warned when getting them out that he would need to put them back. He has screamed that he has hurt his neck, broken his finger, hurt his bottom, is hungry, needs to go to the toilet (I let him do this btw), is thirsty, they are too heavy, I have to help him, it is not fair, why do I treat him like this etc, etc, etc. I did fold up the ten blankets he had also dragged out but flat refused to do the pillows.

So how old before you instigated the you made the mess, you clean it up rather than helping them do it.

I think btw I was being perfectly reasonable about the pillows (maybe a bit unreasonable about giving him two marks on his tv chart (worth 15min tv each so he has lost 1/2 his tv for tomorrow) for 1 shouting at me and 1 for not doing the pillows after the 3rd request.)

3 / 4 (without help, but not willingly! :o)

How old is your DS?

It's a skill they often begin to learn in nursery and reception, by Y1 the only restriction is if something is really too heavy for a group to manage, too dangerous or too tricky.
Some children come to school with that already instilled in them, others have to learn that it is an expectation by their teachers if not their mummies.

thank you both, I thought I was being perfectly reasonable but as he puts on a star performance about most things it can be hard to get perspective about whether I really am a mean old witch or whether he jolly well needs to toe the line sometimes. BTW he is 7!

Some people never learn this. My kids are terrible, but I leave my mess all over, so what do I expect?

I don't mind in certain areas like his room etc but when I ask him to clear up when he finishes and he agrees he are going to then I think he can do it without me helping him and preferably without a king sized tantrum fit for a 2 year old. If something was too heavy then sure I would help but he got it all out so it is definately not too heavy.

Mine are 3&4 and I make them put stuff back. I usually have to be seen to be helping but they are pretty good especially as there is no tv until they have done it

You absolutely did the right thing! If he was 4 I might have let him get away with the fuss but at 7 I would probably have punished the wailing and refusing as well. If he got it out it can't possibly be too heavy. Its also an important lesson that 'Mum please will you help me?' is much more likely to get a response than screaming and shouting.

I would expect children to be putting things away on their own at 4 probably and would be encouraging it from 2. They are definately expected to at school. Sometimes it shocks me the difference between kid's behaviour at home and school, especially when they are such placid nice things at school! (I'm not saying this about your child OP, just a general point.)

thank you wellthen. TBH even if he had asked me nicely I would have still asked him to at least start doing it on his own, he has a tendency to get everything under the sun out with the expectation that he will have help to put it away.