Settling my 4-week-old to sleep

[Buranda]

I am totally knackered and teary all the time and struggling to be honest and could really do with some sympathetic mums. Every time DS cries I panic about what he's crying about. Plus it doesn't help when some of my NCT ladies keep banging on about how amazing and good their babies are.
Currently it can take me from 20-45 mins to settle my DS to sleep, during the day and the night and that's me rocking, sssshing and holding him. Sometimes I've spend so long doing it, he only sleeps a little while and then he's due a feed again!
I'm not alone am I? Will this get better?

no you are not alone at all, mine was like that at that age (now 14 weeks) i just found that he wanted to be near me.i used to get him to sleep on me then put him in his basket sometime he would wake and i would start all over again and other times he would sleep. i did find that if i put my top i had been wearing the day before wrapped around the mattress of the moses basket helped as he could smell me and thought i was there. might be worth a try.
But this is normal. i know how you feel i suffered with PND but after about 6 weeks it got soooooo much better. your doing fine :)

Definately not alone, the turning point for me was when I just decided that DD obviously needed to be close to me and I just went with it, she napped either on my lap or in a sling during the day and co-slept with me during the night. I found that we both got a lot more rest than when I was constantly fighting to get her into her cot/basket.
Just to add, this didn't make things more difficult later on as she is now 10 months old, sleeps in her own cot in her own room and the transition was absolutely fine as she is now clearly ready to sleep without me.

Mine is just the same but I find she sleeps ok for a patch in the day so I go for a snooze then if I can, makes the night easier. My first was the same, she was an excellent 12 hour a night sleeper in her own cot after a few months so it does pass.

Number 1 was like that and it was because she was hungry. Have you tried just giving him another feed (or more formula at milk time?) I agree with the other posters too, sometimes they just want a cuddle and warmth.
Do what you need to get a bit of sleep to keep your sanity, i moved into the spare room to share a bed with DD. Worked well for me.

Ignore the other mums! Does your baby sleep on the move? I'm finding that going for walks is helping. Though I don't get to sleep the fresh air makes me feel better. I know what you mean about wondering why the baby is crying. At seven weeks I have concluded that our girl is almost always hungry. If not, she is usually overtired and wanting to sleep. No one knows your baby as well as you do and you will get to know the warning signs.

Congratulations!

The only thing i remember that worked for me was a dummy - both my boys were very sucky babies, found it hard to settle without sucking. I don't think I ever really worked out why they cried - hunger/tired - I found this all very confusing! Even when I cuddled and cuddled, rocked and held etc No 2 still wouldn't settle - he had to suck. Got rid of dummies after a few months so not dependent.

Poor you! You're definitely not alone. My first never napped during the day unless I was pushing him around in his pram - worked for a while but meant I got no rest which I really needed as he didn't sleep well at night either. Eventually he got better when I weaned (early at 17weeks) so clearly he was a hungry baby - and no, I never figured out the difference between a hungry cry and an over tired cry. Now onto baby 2 at 4 weeks old and it's just taken me 1hr 20mins of bf, winding, patting, putting down, picking up to get him settled.... And he'll probably wake up in another hour :-( but I know it WILL pass. It's just a phase as he gets used to the big world. So hang in there, do whatever it takes to keep your sanity (it helps to talk about how you're really feeling) and know it will get better. You are not a bad/incompetent mum for not bring able to settle him instinctively. As for the other NCT mums, they are probably lying :-)

Thank you ladies. It makes me feel so much better. All your kind words have me welling up! Talk about emotional! Today has been particularly bad and now I think DS is going through a growth spurt. I don't know the difference between a hungry or tired cry either! So I've just fed him again and gone for an hour long walk! I'll keep at it!

plod on Buranda, it's a slog but it will get easier I promise

[hands over chocolate box]

here's a piece about cues, from the Analytical Armadillo

I was always told if you hold them too much they will be cling, spoilt etc. Once I stopped listening to the advice which I felt wasn't right for me my DD is much more settled and happy

I felt just like you do now, its extremly hard to do when your sleep deprived The best advice I can give is either ask your mum to look after your baby while you catch up on some much needed sleep, it will make you feel so much better

Also my DP helps by doing one of the night feeds, or looking after DD while I go for a sleep

It will get easier, my DD is starting to get better now at 8 weeks

IGNORE THE NCT MUMS!! I read/hear this so often - I don't know why people feel the need to varnish the truth when they're having coffee with other mothers, but it seems to be universal.

Try feeding to sleep - make sure he goes to sleep with a full tummy and he'll sleep longer. Have you tried a sling? Babies love being near your heartbeat and warmth when they're this small. I only have an 18m gap between mine and DS lived in the sling for about four months because I was chasing my toddler around (and because he loved it). It was only when he got too heavy to nap in the sling that I started putting him in his cot for naps. He was fine with it by then because he was ready to sleep alone.