Help! Bahaviour problems at school!!

[mummylovesnancy]

My (only just turned) 3 year old son started pre school 2 weeks ago and has so far loved every minute. He goes in in a great mood and comes out beaming. I thought he was doing great until this afternoon when I picked him up. The teacher pulled me aside in front of the other parents and said very loudly 'I need to have a word with you' in that patronising teachery voice they use. Embarrassed is not even in it!
Apparently my son has been randomly poking and thumping people in class and laughing when he's been told off. She said it had been going on for a few days and that he was 'not being very nice at all'. I'm mortified. Firstly that some complete stranger thinks it's ok to tell me my son is not very nice and secondly because it's so out of character for him, he's a lovely friendly boy usually!! Sometimes it comes to blows at home with him and his sister when they're arguing over something or other but it's not very often and when it does happen he ends up with 3 minutes on the old step o' doom, which he hates, and that's the end of it!
So what do I do now? I've sat and had 'a talk' with him about not hurting people etc etc but he just doesn't seem to get it and changes the subject! Does anyone have any advice? Has anyone been in a similar situation? I can't bear to thing of my son being branded a trouble maker after only 2 weeks at school! Thanks in advance...

He's only been there two weeks. He's finding out the boundaries. Keep reinforcing that this kind of hurting behaviour isn't nice and maybe do a star chart or similar. 5 stars gets a small toy or magazine at the end of the week, perhaps?

I agree with reckoner he's testing the boundaries but 1) the teacher should have spoken to you where no one else could hear 2) does your playschool have a time- out chair so he has a consistent 'punishment' at home and playschool and 3) my sons playschool when his behaviour went downhill at the end did him an hourly reward chart, so 3 smiley faces at the end of a session ment he'd been good all morning.

Not trying to shift the blame, but has he told you about any of the other children hitting him? My ds had a day where he was hurting the other children, and he had told me about other children hitting him, but said he had told the teacher. When I spoke to the teacher he hadn't. She kept an eye on him the next day and it turned out he was being hit by another child. I think he felt better when I explained to him how to tell the teacher, and could see that she was dealing with the problem. No repeat of him hitting since (yet!)

I think I'm going to have to talk to the teacher tomorrow. The more I think about it the more angry I'm getting. How dare she speak to me like that? And how can she just drop a bombshell on me like that and offer no advice or support? I like the star chart idea with a prize at the end, I think I'll try that one. I think they do have a time out chair but she didn't say whether he'd been on it or not. I also like the hourly reward chart at school, I might suggest that to her tomorrow. I'm sure he is just testing the water, he does somtimes find it difficult to express himself and it's been quite overwhelming for him. I was just so shocked!
Thanks so much for your advice.

That's interesting, thanks blowhole, I'll ask him about it later (he's asleep at the moment, it's wiping him out!).

Aww. It's horrible being told your child's not been nice but the teachers are used to that and should help you. They could give him a sticker at the end of the session to show you he's been good. My kids were always so proud of that, it's only a sticker, but it means a lot to them. I like the hourly reward chart too.

I think you need to stop being so defensive. She did not say your child isn't nice, she said his behaviour wasn't (which is very different, and also true). He's tired and overwhelmed and is acting up - the teacher sees many children doing it each year, so certainly wont lavel your child forever as a troublemaker. Look at ways of working with her to improve this perfectly common situation, but try not to get angry and keep it all in proportion.

Well I personally think I'm allowed to be defensive, I don't appreciate being spoken to like a 3 year old child in front of a bunch of other parents. I know the teacher sees things like this all the time but she could have been so much more tactful about it. My husband and I are going to speak to her in the morning and see what we can do about it. I'm keen to keep things consistant between home and school.

Based on what you said, she just asked to have a word in front of the other parents. It could have been about anything.
I just think you'll develop a better relationship if you don't go in all gun's blazing and give the teacher the benefit of the doubt.

It was her tone more than anything that annoyed me, I felt like I was about to be sat on the naughty step.
Don't get me wrong, I am upset about it but I'm not the sort of person to just beat down the door and give her what for. I want to work with her for the sake of my child, afterall, he's what's improtant.
I was just after advice on how I could nip this behaviour in the bud. My oldest has been a little saint from birth, wouldn't say boo to a goose so this is a new problem for me.