What the P.I.V. am I doing wrong?

[bluegnueboo]

DD is winding me round her little finger. I know this but can't seem to stop it.
She recently begun to refuse to eat her lunch or dinner, doing me a favour by occasionally eating some weetabix in the evenings.

I really hate the idea of meal times being a battle but she's taking the mick now.

Bear in mind this girl loves her food and eats everything and anything the childminder cares to throw at her. C/M always comments on dd's appetite and how un-picky she is.

What do I do? This evening we've had a good half hour stand off on a chicken, potato and pumpkin meal. All foods I know she loves. I've given in and given her some cereal because I believe sending her to bed hungry will just mean she's awake half the night and that doesn't help anyone.

Please, please, please help me nip this in the bud.

She's just about to turn two.

Offer it to her. If she refuses, take it away and do not offer her anything else.

If she's eating well at the CM then she will not starve.

But if she's awake during the night crying because she's hungry I'd have to give her something and what if she decides "cool I quite like midnight feasts"?

Then we're both wrecked and she's still in charge.

Do you know if she will wake up in the night?

Does she drink milk? If so, give her a large drink of milk before bed and that will help.

You either want to nip this in the bud or you don't!

Don't feed her in the night...my friend is still feeding her 8yo like this and it is driving her mad!

It is a power thing. Refusing food is the only thing she can control so she's doing it.

Offer her X or Y so she has some choice, if she refuses to eat, just take the plate away, or eat it yourself. Make it clear that if she isn't hungry then the next food comes out at breakfast time.

My mum used to offer and apple and milk before bed, you could try that. (I don't do this with DD as she hates milk).

Also, try giving her choices or something she decides in her life. Her life at the moment is probably a series of instructions from you or the CM and she's decided the CM will not budge so she's seeing what she can do with you.

I remember when DD started doing this and I was wringing my hands wondering if I was damaging her for life by only offering pasta and DH said "she is so young she doesn't really have morals or ethics, she's like an animal who is trying to get as much as it can for the least effort. She isn't agonizing over upsetting you, she just sees what she wants and moves to it." He was right, as she developed empathy and a sense of "fairness" a lot of this behaviour started disappearing.

Lord this child has choices but I see what your saying.

Right, thank you both. I know your right and I'll grow a spine from now on.

She can have her milk at night as usual but otherwise it's her dinner that I cook or nought.

My DD, 20 months, often (once a week or so) eats nothing for supper - not necessarily in a stroppy way, just pushes it away - stuff I know she loves as well. I just shrug and eat it myself bin it. And she has Never Ever once woken up because of it (she wakes up for other random reasons occasionally, but definitely not food). I do offer her unsweetened yoghurt/fruit for pudding and big bottle of milk though to be on safe side ...