Aggressive ds1 (3.4) - typical behaviour???

[becs1973]

Hi everyone
Just looking for some advice and reassurance about DS1 and his behaviour towards me and his little brother.

Ds1 is 3.4 but has a speech and developmental delay (possibly mild ASD). I'm struggling with his behaviour and I'm not sure how much of it is down to his delay and how much of it is typical 3 year old boy behaviour. He is very aggressive towards me and his younger brother (13 months), he will throw things/threaten to throw them at us, he runs and headbuts me in the stomach (I'm pregnant with dc3), kicks and slaps me, he yells and screams when asked to do ANYTHING including things he would like to do (eg go swimming) any slight change of activity triggers tantrums. Every single tiny little thing is a battle (going out/coming home again, getting dressed/undressed, eating, nappy changes, bathtime etc). I'm sure you get the picture.

The thing that makes me think all this is naughty behaviour rather than mainly to do with his delays is that he can obviously modify this behaviour (eg he does not hit his father, is 'lovely' at nursery apparently .....). What does everyone think ? is this a normal phase that will pass?.... The violence is always disciplined by the way.

I feel bad as I seem to spend so much of my time shouting at him, which I never used to do, but he is exhausting me and some days I can feel tears welling up as the thought of having to deal with him for more hours until bedtime fills me with dread (the constant nausea of my pregnancy does not help, am on medication to help with his)

thank you!

Hello,

I'm not sure I'm the most qualified person to advise since I don't know much about developmental delays.

However, what I do know is that 3 year olds are sometimes naughty, and that they quickly learn who they can wear down with their behaviour. From your post it does sound as though he can behave well when he wants to.

IME it is quite exhausting looking after a 3.4 year old and 13 month old at the same time, and even more so when you are pregnant. How are you feeling generally? Do you get a break regularly enough to give you the energy when he does play up?

DS2 is 3.4 and star charts are working wonders at the moment... also making things a game, i.e. 'lets see if we can put your shoes on before I count to 5'.

hope this helps.

Small children can be quite physical, especially if they do not have the verbal competence to use words instead of actions.

Has he just started doing this, or has it recently got significantly worse?

Why do you think he doesn't do it to his father?