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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

VERY anti-social 2 year old - any ideas?

8 replies

ConstantCraving · 06/10/2011 20:24

My DD is 2 this month and is extremely anti-social. She is happy and confident at home with DH, her childminder and me, and ok with my parents but freaks out with anyone else. Her speech and understanding are very good - but her social skills are non-existent!

She has never been to a toddler group but goes out and about with me and has always been ok around people. Recently she has become really upset when around people she doesn't know. If anyone stops to chat in the street she starts crying and saying 'oh no! - go away' - it's the same whether they are adults or children. Tonight our neighbour knocked on the door as he'd locked himself out and she had a major melt-down.

We will do toddler groups in the future - but I don't think I should go just now as it would probably be a disaster - but not sure what i can do to help her gain confidence. My grown up DS was always really outgoing (a suprise as I'm not!) So not come across this before. Any ideas? How long is this stage likely to last?

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Chundle · 06/10/2011 20:58

Sounds like my dd who is 2.1 who is only social on her own terms. I have no advice I'm afraid as we have other issues as well (speech etc) and so are going through an assessment process. I would say don't push the toddler groups until she's ready - this is what we were advised x

Original poster

ConstantCraving · 06/10/2011 21:02

Thanks Chundle, my instinct is not to push her with anything at the moment - just wish i could help her as she gets so anxious. not easy to avoid people when they are everywhere!

OP posts:

belindarose · 06/10/2011 21:04

Oh, sounds like my just 2 yr old DD too! Mine is very verbal, but mostly refuses to speak to people she doesn't know well. Lots of 'mummy, don't you talk to that other mummy. Talk to me.' etc etc. Sometimes I'm a bit concerned but she is fine with my friends and mostly with family, although we're a long way from them all so it takes a while to feel confident again. Other times she surprises me, like asking a family at the zoo if she could have some of their picnic yesterday! Fine with her childminder too. Don't know if it's a phase. She was a VERY 'mummy' baby too.

An0therName · 06/10/2011 22:07

does the CM not take her to toddler groups that is unusal - do you have friends with similar age children
but its probably just a phase - childre get anxoius about things and then it goes away

rhetorician · 06/10/2011 22:19

if she is fine with people she knows well I wouldn't worry too much - my DD is 2.8 and while cautious and quiet (relatively!) her nursery just assessed her social and emotional skills as being 'spot on'. For months around the age of 2, she would cling to my legs, hide, and not speak (most of our neighbours thought that she couldn't talk when, like you, her language skills are - I think - pretty good). She's small in stature and I think was just working out strategies to cope with this.

Try to reassure her, and try hard not to label her - this happened a bit with dd. As I say, she's not the most ebullient child in the world, but her social skills are fine.

nearlytherenow · 06/10/2011 22:52

My DS1 was very like this for about 9 months. It started suddenly at just after 2, and I actually found that it made life pretty difficult - e.g. people coming to the door, going to the doctor, paying in shops, even bumping into friends in the street were all major traumas for him. We all but gave up going to groups. Anyway, fast forward a year or so and this is all a thing of the past. He's now 3.2 and although he's still a bit shy, he is no longer terrified in social situations, and will converse with unfamiliar adults fairly happily (children and family / very close friends have never been an issue, and like your DD he's always been confident at home, and very verbal). Hang in there - we didn't do anything special really, just lots of reassurance and a bit of bribery for not making a fuss.

Original poster

ConstantCraving · 07/10/2011 07:06

Hi, thank you all for your messages. i'm glad i'm not the only one to experience this. anothername CM is my best friend and we just aren't 'group' people i guess. Just had lots else to do ... haven't ruled them out - but now is not the right time! I think she's just got so much going on in her head and with her development that she needs everything else to be very same-y to cope with it. DH says just to give her all the reassurance she needs and in time she'll relax - which sounds like your advice. Just hard sometimes because as nearlytherenow says it can make life quite difficult!

OP posts:

belindarose · 07/10/2011 09:21

Yes, I'm just giving DD the space to get sociable in her own time. I make sure she sees me smiling at people and being friendly, in the hope that she'll decide that's the way to do it! I'm dreading tomorrow though as we're meeting my dad and stepmum. She's only seen them a few times and doesn't 'know' them as such. We're meeting at a farm park and I think it might be a day of her hiding behind my legs. Shame if so because she loves that kind of thing really.

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