12 Month Old not doing a lot!! Really worrying now...

[theladyintheyellowhat]

Hi everyone,

My daughter is 12 months in a few days and I know I shouldn't be comparing her to other babies but I can't help it.

She doesn't crawl, she doesn't walk, she doesn't stand and hold on to things, she doesn't pull herself up. She doesn't even try to do these things.

She can roll over but did it a couple of times and then never showed any interest in it again.

I feel terrible about this, but sometimes I could cry for her when friends babies who are much younger pull themselves up and everyone remarks how clever it is, how exciting etc etc..

Please give me some advice or reassurance!

Ds wasn't walking or crawling at 12months, he didn't start sitting until 10 months. Was never interested in rolling over really, hated being on his stomach.
He's now running around the living room :)

Have you spoken to your HV about your worries?
It does sound a little like your more concerned about competing with your friends babies than seriously concerned about her motorskills, seriously, don't.
They all do things differently at different times and what I told myself many (many ) times is that no one asks what age you started walking at your first job interview!

So my advice would be to chat with your HV if your worried but other than that, relax and enjoy her, is she happy? That's the main thing.

Thanks Teddy,

Its not so much competing with my friends, as being constantly reminded that she seems a bit behind when I'm with them.

I called to make an appointment to see the HV today but have been told to wait for the letter about her 12 month check.

How long did it take your DS to be running around the living room?? lol... (sort of praying for you to say 13 months! :))

My friend and i had babies at the same time and mine was quicker at crawling and pulling up. My friend's little one used to sit and laugh at her but showed no interest in copying her. Then, one day, my friends daughter pushed herself up and walked (shakily) BEFORE my 'clever girl' who had been crawling since 7 months. She was walking a full month before my little monkey even attempted it. Try not to worry, I'm sure you DD is just doing it all in her own time! :)

yy I knew that feeling don't worry, like I say he didn't sit up til 10months. He was walking at 14 months. Can't stop him running about now, I miss the days when he stayed where I put him
Seriously don't get into the cycle of comparing and worrying, or it'll be a lifetime of it and it won't be good for your dd. Walking now, then talking, then it'll be reading lists and god knows what else.
You could look at it as getting to keep your baby for longer, once they're walking they never go back :)

My DD is 13 months and the only one from our NCT group not on the move (no interest in standing, crawling or shuffling).

My HV checked there was nothing wrong with her hip sockets (there isn't) and said give her 'til she is 18 months and if there is no sign of any moving, she can have physio to get her going. Some little ones are just slower than others.

My husband walked at 2, and these things do run in families - do you know when you/your other half walked/crawled?

Is she otherwise a relaxed, happy baby? Does she ever seem to be trying to do these things but unable to, or have you just never seen her try? Can she get from lying to sitting by herself and is she happy to sit for a long time without falling over? Does she bottom shuffle? Are her fine motor skills and verbalising OK?

My ds1 couldn't even roll over at 12 months, or get from lying to sitting (but could sit from 10 months if put in a sitting position, albeit he tired relatively quickly until he was over 12 months old, so would fling himself backwards after a while to lie down again...), or get from sitting to standing, or bottom shuffle or crawl, or cruise etc, etc, he also couldn't bash toys albeit his fine motor skills for tasks that didn't require lots of force were very good, he still had a bit of head lag if you pulled him up from his back, he was not happy with the status quo and I was utterly fed up by then with the patronising idiots who told me to keep waiting, because there is a difference between babies that are naturally late doing things and babies who clearly won't do things in the next year or two at all unless they get some help and it was downright obvious to me from when he was very small that he was in the latter category. Physio from 15 months onwards made a colossal difference - he still wasn't doing anything new at 15 months, gross motor-wise, but with help from the physiotherapist showing us how to get him to do things and lots of practising on his part, he was walking by 23 months.

ps gross motor skills delays don't need to mean something really bad, even if your child does need help with them. Now ds1 is 7 and a half (and after another year of intensive physio) he can join in with everything his friends do. He is by far the brightest boy in his year, intellectually, and whilst he will never be even remotely athletic, he enjoys running about and being able to join in with his peers. He has a mild connective tissue disorder, so needed a lot of help initially to build up the muscles around his unstable joints in order to be able to use them properly. Basically, it was a bit of a catch 22 until the physio - joints can't stabilise if muscles are too weak, and muscles can't strengthen up if they can't get sufficient stability around the joints.

Jointhedots - my DH never crawled and walked around 10/11 months...

My mum said she can't remember exactly when I crawled / walked... (as I am one of 5) but things none of us did it particularly late.

rabbitstew - she is a really happy baby (or seems that way to me, anyway). She can't get herself into a sitting position, but will sit there for ages if I put her there. She doesn't bum shuffle or really reach for things... I spend about 80% of my time sitting on the floor putting things out of her reach, trying to put her on her belly, or make her stand on her feet but she just doesn't have it in her!! She doesn't try. I bought all manner of walkers and learn and groove table etc hoping she would want to stand against it or start to try and pull herself up, but she doesn't.

She babbles quite a lot and laughs and says 'mumumumum, dadadadadadad, nananananana' etc, but this whole movement thing has me absolutely frazzled. Its all I ever think about / talk about... I even dream of her crawling! lol...

rabbit is right, if your baby seems content then there's probably no need to worry yet.

A lot of the babies born to the mums in my ante-natal group seemed late movers and a couple were just as you describe at 11/12 months, not sitting themselves up, not crawling, not rolling, not pulling up to standing. They were sent to a physio, but only because they were due to start nursery and their mums wanted them walking asap (I live in Germany btw, you can just demand this sort of thing over here). The physio made a dramatic and quick difference, but there was never any suggestion that they wouldn't have done all this stuff on their own, given enough time.

Lots and lots of tummy time is probably the way forward, plus encouraging rolling and tummy shuffling by offering toys just out of reach. If you have a yoga mat, you could also give your baby some time each day to play naked. Also put things on an upturned box so that your dd is encouraged to reach upwards (on her tummy).

Ok, I'm going to disagree with everyone and say that whilst there probably isn't anything wrong, the fact that it's worrying you means you should get her looked at. Don't wait for a letter about the developmenmtal check, ring up and say you are very worried and ask to see the HV. That is her job and she shouldn't be fobbing you off.

Some babies are just slower than others to get moving and if everything seems fine they won't worry until she's 18mths but it may be that there is something that can be helped now so best get her seen.

The only thing that stands out in your posts as a worry is the not reaching out for things. Most 1yr olds whether mobile or not are at the stage of grabbing and pointing at everything. Those that can't crawl often fall over in their attempts to reach or grap objects that they want and they usually shout for them too. Does she do these things?

Again, I'm not suggesting something is definitely wrong or even probably wrong. All I'm saying is that you are clearly very worried and if she isn't trying to grab stuff as well as showing no interst in moving then I would make sure she is seen. If the HV refuses to see her, then see the GP. It can take them months to get through all the developmental checks so you could be waiting until she's 18mths if you wait for the letter.
Good luck, I'm sure she'll be fine but you cannot be enjoying her if you are spending so much time and energy worrying like this.

i know how you feel my 2nd son was really like this, very late on all his movement & i think its normal to be worried if you see they are very behind all the others of their age. i agree with the above poster its worth checking it out even just to put your mind at rest. thats why hv & such services are available, if you have concerns about their development they should see her just to be on the safe side. although i would say i found childrens centre staff a lot more helpful & easier to get hold of than hv so maybe easier to bring up your concerns there? probably she is fine and will move around in her own time but you will feel better to get it checked just incase. mine was only just recently crawling & pulling up at 12 months, and he walked at just over 18 months. i was really worried about both the late pulling up & the late walking, as you say its just hard not to worry when you see all the others, including much littler ones, racing around and doing much more. does not mean youre a competitive mum!

Most HVs, doctors, etc, are happy to refer if you ask them to once your child reaches 12 months old and still can't get to sitting or move about (still takes months to be seen, though....). It's all very well waiting until 18 months if your child is bottom shuffling or moving about somehow, but I think it's silly to wait that long if your child is literally immobile and it is bothering you.

The most annoying thing when I finally saw the physio was that she said, "It's a shame I didn't get to see him sooner." Huh! As if I hadn't tried!!!!

ps physio did say that weight bearing in some form is very important for healthy bone development (not to mention "socialising" with other toddlers, rather than being terrified of them because they can push you over and you can't even get yourself back upright again if they do...), so ideally you want a child walking before it is 2 years old. Nothing to worry about at 12 months, but that's another reason why I wouldn't necessarily do nothing until 18 months, particularly given the waiting lists for children to actually be seen.

What happens if you stand her up, supporting her? Does she bear weight on her legs, or just sit down again?

For what it's worth, here's my experience:

My first child was walking and talking at 12 months. My second never crawled, bottom shuffled at about 14 months, walked at 17 months and started talking at about 2 years. My third started moving around on his bottom at about 16 months, finally started walking at about 22 months and has been very sparing with his words until about two months ago (when he was 30 months old). Then he really started in with huge long sentences of well articulated words.

You'll here this so many times but they really are all different and really do do different things at different times. One of the hardest things about being a parent is learning not to compare your child to others. (Even harder is learning how to deal with ignorant/malicious/well-meaning comments about your child from others!)

In my area, you wouldn't get any type of referral for not walking until around 2 years because the health authorities just don't see it as a problem until then.

My advice would be to relax and enjoy your daughter's babyhood. In three years time I guarantee you'll be wishing she'd stop charging around and chattering all the time!

NB even if she does stand when you stand her up whilst supporting her, you need to check whether she is doing this by locking her knees back in the wrong direction (making the legs look like a couple of bananas! probably something a normal child's knees wouldn't do in any event), or whether she can still bend her knees in the right direction. The former stance would make her utterly immobile, unable to move even to sit herself back down unless she fell backwards like a log, and the latter would be normal and would enable her to bend her knees to sit down again.

The problem I have with MmePamplemousse's advice is that waiting until my ds1 was 2 before I did anything would have hugely delayed his development in general. Even with physiotherapy, he was barely physically ready for school and continued to have physical difficulties and pain as a result of his hypermobility until another bout of intensive physiotherapy when he was 6. If we had done nothing, even if he had eventually managed to move about, it would not have been in a way that was any good for his joints and would have resulted in a lifetime of pain from the damage caused (which he may suffer in any event, despite all the help he has had to build up the right muscles to protect his joints). Yet I was still initially told to wait. People are all too happy to tell you to wait without actually bothering to examine your child.

Rabbit Thx for the clarification re the leg locking. The reason I asked is that the physio explained to me that some children have problems with transitional movements, so they can sit when placed in that position, but cant go from lying to sitting, and similarly they can stand, but can't pull up. Some children can actually walk, but can't get up. I just wondered if that could be a factor.

I saw a physio last week with DS (12mo) on a Paed's referral as she was concerned he wasn't pulling up (they panic early in Asia ) and is an enthusiatic bum shuffler (cant crawl). All fine, but was still useful as she gave me some advice on how to encourage him without forcing- apparently bum shufflers tend to be a little cautious. A week later and he's cruising and pulling up.

My DD was exactly the same. She sat from 6months to 16months when she started crawling. She didn't move at all before 16 months and also only rolled once or twice. She hated being on her front. She walked at 18 months. She was diagnosed with low muscle tone and given physio from about 12 months. She was pretty happy and sat playing for long periods.

She's now 10 and there doesn't seem much wrong, but she finds it hard to sit for long periods on the carpet and can be saggy when tired. She's a great swimmer, runner and cycles etc.

Sorry, yes. I didn't meant to say don't bother to get a health visitor to have a look. I did get my third child checked over at about 15 months and then again later on. The hv was very understanding, checked him over both times, and said that we should both keep an eye on things but that the medical authorities (in our area at least) wouldn't consider any kind of specialist examination until 24 months. Certainly a hv should be able to quickly distinguish 'normal late development' from a real problem and advise accordingly. But I would like to repeat that is is most likely that your daughter is completely normal.

THeBride and Silkenladder could you be a bit more specifc about the exercises you were given to encourage your LOL? It's really interesting and helpful

My dd didn't crawl till she was 13 months and didn't walk properly till she was 19 months - way behind all the others in her nursery or my friends' dc. She was just a happy placid baby but I agree that it can be worrying when others' dc seem so much more active. I took her to the gp at 18 months and she said that even walking at 2 years is within normal parameters so I wouldn't worry too much yet.

Also, I did notice as she got older that my dd's fine motor skills (scribbling and the like) were quite good - maybe your dd is focusing her attention on other things?

But I agree that it can't do any harm to see your hv.

The Bride - If I try to stand her on her feet she lifts her legs up so she's in a sitting position in the air! I sometimes hold her against me and try to put her feet on the floor but she will just crumple to sitting...

What was the advice you were given on encouraging??

A lot of people say to me 'oh, maybe she'll just get up and walk and not crawl at all' but the thing is, she hasn't got it in her. She is my first and I don't have the greatest experience of babies but surely if she can't support her weight then there is absolutely no chance of her 'just getting up and walking'.

I'll have to wait until tomorrow to call the hv now, unless I just take her to the GP? (Dont want to waste thier time though :s)

I had a friend who has now emigrated so she may not see this thread. Her daughter did just that lifting her legs up when she was lifted so she was in a sitting position in the air. She never crawled and only bottom shuffled from about 20 months. She could never be persuaded to take any weight on her legs until she was, probably, 21 or 22 months old (I can't quite remember, but it was after she started bottom shuffling). My friend was very worried but her husband was a paediatrician and was obviously satisfied there was nothing intrinsically wrong. The little girl started walking about a month after her second birthday and now (a year later) runs, jumps, climbs, rides a tricycle ? it's just anecdotal but might be comforting.

THeBride and Silkenladder could you be a bit more specifc about the exercises you were given to encourage your LOL? It's really interesting and helpful

To be honest, nothing very exciting. For me, it was really about getting the endorsement that I shd be encouraging, and also that it's okay to let him get frustrated and have to figure things out for himself (like how to sit down again once standing). I think I was so worried about forcing him beyond his abilities that I went a bit too much the other way, and of course, now he's an expert bum shuffler (He's asymetric so really fast), he's not really interested in learning slower forms of getting about so needs a bit of encouragement to learn.

A couple of specifics

• In helping them pull up, she told me to basically move his limbs to recreate the movements he would have to do, so getting him onto his knees from sitting, then one foot up, then the other.
• Once standing holding onto the sofa, to use puppets/toys etc to encourage him to cruise along
• Encourage him to play standing holding onto things to strengthen his side to side stability- at the moment he's quite wobbly in the hip area although his legs are strong so he wouldnt have the balance to walk
• when they're doing supported walking, let them hold your hands, rather than the other way round, and keep your hands at shoulder height so that they are balancing themselves, rather than you creating upward tension by holding their arms above their head.

Also, walkers are not the work of the devil so long as they're the push along ones.

thelady The advice I got would only work if they can bear weight, but just can't be bothered . So my son would stand up/stay standing if there was something he wanted at that height, but would not do it routinely- i.e. no real interest in trying to walk. He'd rather just shuffle around.

I would call your HV and have a chat, as I'd agree that if she can't bear weight, then it's difficult to know what to do by yourself to encourage her.