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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

toilet accidents at 5

10 replies

susiepie · 28/09/2011 12:09

my daughter has started school and is pooing and weeing herself in class. I think she just tries to keep it in rather than go straight away. She says she is too busy but I don't know why it doesn't bother her. Am not sure how to handle it - the school has suggested she goes back into a pull up but I don't want her bullied.... has this happened to anyone

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

AKMD · 28/09/2011 12:26

I think the school is being a bit lazy to suggest that she goes into pull-ups. At the risk of embarrassing myself, I also used to wet/soil myself at school when I was 4/5 because we used to get told off for asking to go to the loo before we had been at school for an hour so I was scared to ask at any time. When I had an accident, I also used to get told off so I just couldn't win. I also told my parents that I was 'too busy' because they got cross with me too. If you wanted to go to the loo there was always such a fuss about having someone to go with you or having a hall pass so I was just too scared to ask. I ended up having problems with this well into my teens and you can imagine how embarrassing that was. The fact that I can still remember what happened when I was 4 shows how much it affected me :(

I'd suggest making sure that your DD goes to the loo just before you leave for school and then asking the teacher to make sure a TA takes her to the loos, with a minimum of fuss, every hour thereafter. Make sure she knows that it is never 'naughty' to ask to go to the loo, no matter if it's the middle of the school day or if she has only just taken her coat off, and make sure that the school backs you up on this. Lots of cuddles help too :)

Danilou22 · 28/09/2011 12:58

I agree with akmd. I am a teacher and you do find that some children do just forget to go as they are so busy enjoyng what they are doing or they are embaressed to ask. Def ask them to remind her to go at certain intervals in the day. I would def not suggest pull ups as a teacher because sometimes when wearing pull ups they don't even realise they have been and then the problem goes on forever!

Just another thought but could she be constipated? This can lead to incontinence when they are so blocked up that some of the more watery poo (sorry if tmi) runs down the sides and out can also lead to wetting I believe as well.

Good luck

Original poster

susiepie · 28/09/2011 13:42

Thanks - it's easy for her to go to the toilet as they are in the same room as the classroom but I'll make sure that she knows she can go anytime. I think getting a routine around timings might help.

I've booked a doctors appointment to check if she's constipated.

OP posts:

Tgger · 28/09/2011 23:10

Did she do this before in other settings? Or at home? If not, then it'll be the change to reception. She needs support and strategies not pull-ups! Yes, take her to the loo before she goes in and then maybe get her teacher to remind her at snack time/lunch time etc for a few days.

Original poster

susiepie · 29/09/2011 08:53

she's never been great but nothing like this. Have spoken to the nurse and she thinks she may be constipated as she doesn't like drinking much.

Starting today to give her lots of fluids but hard to get her to drink them - any ideas????

OP posts:

PeggyCarter · 29/09/2011 09:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AKMD · 29/09/2011 10:27

If she won't drink much, does she like juicy fruit? Oranges, nectarines, plums, grapes etc. all have a lot of water in them.

jeee · 29/09/2011 10:29

Also some kids are frightened of school loos. Have you seen the toilets? Could they be putting your DD off in some way?

Tgger · 29/09/2011 20:35

I would do a reward chart/bribes to get her drinking more. Make a big deal of it, put it in a really visible place. A certain number of stars and she gets a treat- then you up the number needed when she gets better, and then forget about it after the behaviour is established.

Tricky as you can't know what she drinks at school- does she take in a water bottle? Maybe a star if she's drunk at least half of it? I would really plug the drinking water thing- it's the easiest and best for teeth, but if that's a complete no then any drinks that she will tolerate just more of them and a bit more diluted maybe than normal?

I guess she could have stars for not having accidents at school too?

Good luck!

tallulah · 29/09/2011 20:58

No advice but mine is doing this too :(

At nursery she had odd months of being completely dry and clean followed by weeks of daily messing/ wetting. We were hoping school would be better, especially since she's only there for 4 hours a day, but it's started again. She's 4.6

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