9 y/o stealing at school

[Increasinglydesperate]

Hello, I'm a long time reader of these boards but never posted before.

DS is 9 and today I was accosted by his headteacher who told me he and another child were caught stealing Moshi Monster figures from three of their classmates' drawers. I am utterly devastated. It's the latest in a long line of difficulties we have had with DS, who is frequently in trouble for lashing out at people who tease him. I thought the violence was bad enough, and feel as though I am constantly on his back over this, lecturing him etc, but this stealing incident is the last straw. I have no idea where we are going to go from here.

DS claims one of the children stole a pack of Pokemon cards from him and he was 'getting his own back' but concedes that the other two children had nothing to do with it, and in any case I cannot see that stealing could ever be justified under any circumstances and have told him so.

He has had a serious telling off from me and DH, and will be made to write letters of apology as well as buying the other children some figures out of his own money. I have no idea how to face the teachers, let alone the other mums. I feel such a failure as a parent and have no idea how to ensure we get him back on the straight and narrow.

Any advice would be much appreciated

imho, it's the age, a lot of them do it. I am too embarassed to list all DD got up to, but she is considered a delight in class type girl (& loves school and says she has lots of friendes) and still... she's just got a greedy streak. In spite of being made to take stuff back to shop & apologise, etc.

I honestly think that if this is a first offense that letters of apology, compensation (paying for more figures) and the stern telling off should be plenty enough for now. Maybe too much. The social grief he'll get for this (opprobrium from peers, especially when he's already unpopular) will be immense, and far far worse than any punishment you can impose, anyway. Perhaps if you can fix some of his other issues his risk of petty theft will subside, anyway. I had a DS who lashed out for same reasons but to be honest I didn't come down hard on him for it because I was teased badly at school and it destroyed my self-esteem, I can understand lashing out all too well. We ended up moving DS to another school (a year ago). He doesn't lash out any more, though not sure that his self-esteem has recovered yet.

V many thanks for your kind words of advice Ragged, it always helps to know others have gone through the same thing and come out the other end