Please help me tame my unruly child!!!!

[justtired]

Hi,
I seriously need some help (or supernanny). My DS is 4 and has just started school, ever since he left nursery in June his behaviour has got worse and worse to the point now I dont know what to do. We have tried rewards, marbles in a jar, punishing (taking away toys etc.) but to no avail.

He is rude to everyone, answers back with a real attitude, wakes up at all hours and decides everyone else should get up to, scares his baby brother all the time and thinks its funny, says NO to everything and when you tell him off he laughs in your face. Nothing seems to bother him even taking away his prize possessions and I just dont know what to do. I cant take him out anywhere as he runs off or destroys the displays and I find it embarrassing to tell him off all the time in public because people give you such disgusted looks!

Just wondering if anyone has any tips or advice...im so sad he has gone off the rails like this :(

Have you tried totally ignoring the bad behaviour? my mum is a teacher and she finds that those who dont respond to things being taken away often respond better to a massive fuss being made when they are good and then being totally ignored when they are bad, you tell him he is being naughty, move baby brother away so he doesnt have an audience and leave him too it - will have to start in the house I know but it might help

Also is he frightened of school? my SD's behaviour has been dreadful since starting school and I think its the change of routine, she doesnt respond to telling off either but hates being ignored and usually comes creeping up being good soon after!

One final suggestion there is a bood called bad manners by babette cole its really funny and has farting and bogeys and stuff in it but its about a bad mannered girl who becomes good, SD loves this and we often get it out whens shes acting like Lucrecia the main character!!

I think I have the female form of your DS, shes also four, and also a massive pain in the bum.. Since starting school she's also began sort of 'ignoring' situations she doesn't want to engage with, eg. people saying hello, asking her normal everyday questions, she just doesn't reply.
It pisses me off, but school is such a massive change for them that I am focussing more on the "that isn't polite" route rather than "you are bad" route.
With the bad behaviour, I am trying desperately to stay calm, on her level, to always not accept behaviour that isn't allowed so the boundaries are always consistent. It may be a bit manipulative but when shes been on the naughty step I explain to her that she has upset me and made me very sad, that seems to have a positive effect on her.
Maybe if you stress to your son that his behaviour has to be up to a specific standard (constantly remind him what needs to be done, how he needs to act) and be a team with your partner if you have one, other family, teacher etc. Everyone ask the same of him. Work towards something he REALLY wants to do/go see, keep a pic of it on the behaviour chart.
I find it helps to keep DD constantly busy, and setting her a game to do while I relax, and try and stay good-humoured, grumpiness builds more grumpiness round here! Playful parenting is a good book, even for cynical bastards parents like me
Sorry for epic post

Also forgot to add, sometimes if I see DD 'building up' to a bad behaviour, I drop what I'm doing and give her massive hugs, tickles etc and generally wind her up in a light hearted way. Usually it manages to change her mood enough to avoid a meltdown

Sorry for the late reply everyone but thankyou so much for your replies.

I am giving the 'ignoring the bad behaviour' a go and am definitely going to get that book the mightyskim thanks

Twopeasonepod - sorry your having the same struggles, although i am a little glad its not just me :) briliant ideas thankyou will be trying them out x