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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Help on exhaustion induced bad behaviour

17 replies

messybessie · 16/09/2011 09:53

DS has just gone into year one. He's shattered. This morning he had complete meltdown.

He very deliberately (and calmly) trashed his room, threw things, kicked things etc.

How do I handle this? I know he's tired but he's not a toddler.

I was going to say no TV after school and make him tidy his room (which I had lovingly
tidied yesterday) but a part of me just wants to give him a cuddle on the sofa and let it go.

Although I didn't feel like that when he was throwing things at me [:-(]

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DecapitatedLegoman · 16/09/2011 09:59

I don't know if it's the right thing to do but in your shoes I'd give him a cuddle and lots of sympathy but also a punishment. Something simple like no tv would be fine. Or remove something he likes for a set period. Talk it through with him when he's calm. You can tell him that you understand he feels tired and that makes us angry or grumpy sometimes but that it's not ok to do this.

I would also talk to him about finding ways to relieve his frustration. Things he can do which are acceptable to you and help him manage his feelings. Maybe exercise, a bath or giving himself time out.

Nagoo · 16/09/2011 10:05

I send mine up to his room to play quietly when he starts. I tell him he's not getting told off ( pre-emptive strike this is) just that he neds 5 mins to calm down.

works quite well for us.

Nagoo · 16/09/2011 10:06

needs.

tsk

Notinmykitchen · 16/09/2011 10:06

What time does he normally go to bed? Can you send him an hour earlier and tell him there is no time for TV because of that. Therefore not a punishment as such, but a consequence of his actions, which will also help him catch up a bit?

Original poster

messybessie · 16/09/2011 10:19

The problem is exacerbated as the more tired he is, the harder he finds it to wind down. Bedtime is always between 7:30 and 8 but sleep has got progressively later and wake ups earlier through the week.

No TV and bed by 7 might be on the cards tonight

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littleducks · 16/09/2011 10:25

I think you are putting him to bed too late, DD is in bed at 6.30 and lights out, hopefully asleep at 7, she is exhausted by the start of year 1. The long wind down in bed (I am reading her chapter books) really helps.

She did still have a meltdown last week, came out of school and kept bursting into tears (because a worm had died/octonauts came before some other programme on tv etc) and put herself to bed at 5.30 without eating dinner (i had said put your pjamas on and eat in them). She then had the fish fingers and mash for breakfast at her request!

BleughCowWonders · 16/09/2011 10:32

'he's not a toddler'
True, but he is exhausted by the beginning of a new school year. Personally I would completely ignore yesterday's behaviour. It's clearly out of character for him so I'd cut him a huge amount of slack for thus week and concentrate on getting the basics right. Plenty of sleep, good food and exercise/ fresh air.
Mine all respond much better this way

Original poster

messybessie · 16/09/2011 10:39

Thank you all.

I'm going to make him help me tidy his room - not as a punishment but as a 'you got it all out, we need to put it away' and early tea, early bath.

Fresh air and food isn't a problem - he has plenty of both but sleep is definitely an issue.

We have always struggled with his bedtime, we've tried earlier but have NEVER got him to go to sleep at 7, even when he was a baby .

OP posts:

Nagoo · 16/09/2011 10:53

I have started bedtime earlier since school started. He's worn out. possibly from walking a mile there and back again

I run the bath at 6 now :)

Original poster

messybessie · 16/09/2011 11:00

Also, I have DS2 who is not tired out from school (as is only 2) so current routine is I get him to bed then have 30mins on my own with DS1. DS2 won't go to sleep before 7 and DS1 wouldn't want to miss his time.

Bloody difficult this 2 children lark!

OP posts:

WoofToYouTooLady · 16/09/2011 12:42

do you do a snack on return from school?

and yy pull bedtime forwards

Original poster

messybessie · 16/09/2011 14:43

We normally go to the park after school and take snacks. Think I might change snacks from cereal bars to crackers/ breadsticks.

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BleughCowWonders · 16/09/2011 16:24

MB - I think you're doing everything right! It'll all turn out fine once you've all settled into the school routine.

Original poster

messybessie · 16/09/2011 17:03

Urgh, had to speak to his teacher after school as behaving badly at school too.

I'm writing this week off!

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legobuilder · 16/09/2011 18:59

and don't forget the old reward chart - if you havent done one for a while it might be worth bringing one back out - offer a sticker/star for "calming myself down and not getting angry" - talk to him when he's calm about what it feels like for him when he feels himself getting upset - ask him if he thinks he could try walking away and taking time out, doing deep breathing, asking for a cuddle etc. and promise lots of rewards for the improvement in earlier sleep time and calm behaviour. my ds is shattered, we've just started school - i'm babying him a lot just to get him through the day (getting him dressed/undressed, wiping his bum, carrying him for a couple minutes etc - stuff i havent done in ages).

Original poster

messybessie · 17/09/2011 08:00

I give up! Brought bedtime forward and he was fast asleep by 7:30.

However, he got himself up and I found him downstairs colouring at 5:30am

I sent him back to bed but he didn't go back to sleep.

He has that jumpy, slightly unhinged tiredness.

Not sure I make it through the day, let alone him

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littleducks · 17/09/2011 08:55

When mine get like this I have a movie night, starting at about 5.30 they put their pjamas on, cuddle up on the sofa with a blanket, watch a film with microwave popcorn then bed. It makes the last hours of the day, which can be several crying fits (and push me over the edge!) go quickly and smoothly.

Whatever you do I hope you have a good day!

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