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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Help! I'm at the end of my rope with 8yr old DS!

15 replies

LeaveYourDignityAtTheDoor · 09/09/2011 09:07

Hopefully someone on here can give me some tips or advice.

DS1 has started lying to us ALL THE TIME. Its getting beyond a joke. He is also being very cheeky to me, answering me back constantly and throwing temper tantrums when he doesn't get his own way.

I have tried punishing him for all of the above and this has ended up with him having his NDS removed, being grounded and his room stripped of all his toys but this had no effect. Its as if he doesn't care.

I have explained to him that I am more annoyed at the lying than the anything else but this isn't working. I have also asked if he speaks to his teacher the same way he speaks to me and he said no. Why does he think its ok to speak to me like that then?

I don't know what else to do. I feel I am constantly shouting and giving him into trouble and I hate it. I know ha can behave as this has only started within the past month or two.

We have tried Triple P in the past and this has not helped.

Is there anything else I can do?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ThePosieParker · 09/09/2011 09:10

I'm with you, I have both an 8 and 9 year old.

Screamy shouty awful.

So calm, consistent and currency.

Keep calm, even when you feel like going nuts,
Be consistent, even write down house rules and punishments
Currency, find the thing that he loves the most to take away/prevent him from doing.

Another gem for us is time. Time to listen, time to cuddle, regroup and special days with just you and him or (if around) Daddy.

I took 8 yr old to a museum and out for lunch, they bought closeness and good behaviour for a few weeks.

ThePosieParker · 09/09/2011 09:11

Oh an dfind even the smallest thing to compliment him on....even if it's just getting dressed quickly. And the day out is his choice....try something fun like ice skating where you'll laugh a lot.

Original poster

LeaveYourDignityAtTheDoor · 09/09/2011 10:29

Thanks Posie

I just feel totally scunnered with it.

I hate all the shouting and I worry about the effect of this on my 9mth old DS2.

I think I need a break.

OP posts:

ThePosieParker · 10/09/2011 16:45

Weird one, but recently I've been hopping into bed with each of my four.....only for about ten minutes, cuddles a little chat and a few compliments, I love yous......sounds sappy, but it really makes them feel lovely and no matter how shit I've been with them all day, I go downstairs thinking I'm not such a bad mother afterall.

Hedgepig · 10/09/2011 17:14

it makes me feel better that we are not the only ones, (probably doesn't help you OP I'm sorry). DS1 has just turned 8 and he doesn't lie but is very cheeky, sulky and doesn't do anything we ask him to do; homework is a battle of wills but he is bright and fully capable of doing it just won't do it. I try to be calm and consistent but invariably flip out and start shouting we are just exhausted, I keep joking about sending him to boarding school (but part of me thinks it would be lovely for the peace and quiet ). I really wasn't expecting this until he hit teenage years.

flack · 10/09/2011 17:20

Oh, I can trump most of that, but not sure I should. DC often squabbling, DC3 in trouble at school and at football club and loads of other minor pants things.
This parenthood shit is hard....

TheOriginalFAB · 10/09/2011 17:23

My 6 and 8 year olds took 4 hours to tell the truth today. I told them if they admitted what they had done, I would say X and then it would be over with. If I found out they had lied I would be cross and they would be in more trouble. No effect. They only owned up because they wanted an ice cream. DD said she had forgot she had done it .

You have my sympathies.

ihatethecold · 11/09/2011 09:23

all i can say is boys have, metaphorically turned me grey
my eldest, now 20 was a compulsive liar, i still have sleepless nights over some of the things he has done in the past and lied about.
my middle boy is also very challenging. he is now 11 and i find myself shouting at him alot. i hate doing it , makes me feel stressed for hours.

he is a lovely kid but it is so hard looking after him,
maybe its a boys thing, i dont know but having a girl really did restore my faith in having children..
sad thing to say but im my case its true.

TheOriginalNutcracker · 11/09/2011 09:32

My 8yr old is exactly the same. He has regular tantrums, several a day, usually if he can't get his own way or something he is doing doesn't work out.

He snaps at me and answers back and generally talks to me like crap. I also asked if he does it at school and he said no.

I have tried grounding him, taking away toys etc but he seems to forget this the instant the punishment is over. He is just so quick to react badly.

I have just mnaged to get him to agree to try a karate class (could be a bad idea). He does no outside activities as he won't try them and hates sport, so I am hoping this will be ood for him.
I also refuse to argue with him now, and either ignore him or answer him calmley.

flack · 11/09/2011 09:54

My girl is the easiest by far, too, Ihatethecold. She has mood swings like the tides, feels like standing in the surf, sometimes it's ferocious & high sometimes it's subtle low and calm. Whereas the boys are... I dunno how to describe!

Off to make the 7yo do some school work...

Original poster

LeaveYourDignityAtTheDoor · 11/09/2011 13:46

Thanks for all your replies. Don't feel so alone now.

The thing that pisses me off the most is the lying. He knows I know he is lying but continues to do it. About the same bloody thing everyday!

It feels like I'm going round in circles and I can't see the end in sight.

Is it me? Am I reason he keeps lying?

OP posts:

TheOriginalFAB · 11/09/2011 13:54

No. I am learning that our children are separate beings to us and we are not in control or responsible for everything they do.

SocialButterfly · 11/09/2011 21:19

I came on here to post for some advice with my 7 yr old. She lies, steals food all the time and hides the wrappers all over the house, she has temper trantrums, answers back, shouts at us and can be generally vile.

She can be lovely but the horrid side of her seems to be becoming increasingly present in the house. She has just gone in to Yr 3 ( juniors) and has recently been disgnosed as dyslexic. Im not sure if she is tired, frustrated or just a bit of a brat!

Can anyone tell me what they do to deal with this kind of behaviour, we have tried naughty step, taking away precious toys, not allowing treats and stopping her playing out - the last one probably has the most effect but as winter is on its way she probably wont be playing out anyway so we wont be able to use it for much longer.

ThePosieParker · 12/09/2011 08:23

Honestly go back to basics, I say as a failing parent not an expert!!, and time to just be positive is really good. Perhaps when she's in bed write down the things you like about her, it's amazing how hard this is!! Look at some baby photos and reminisce about easier times, it then makes it more worth while!!

Responsibilities are good too, pocket money. I recently got mine to clean the house, 20p for the bathroom, 10p to sweep a room, 5p to hoover.....etc. They loved it and mine are nearly in tears about two flights of stairs!!

ihatethecold · 12/09/2011 12:23

my kids get £4 per week pocket money, on a saturday.
if they are naughty they get 10p deducted from their pocket money . its on a blackboard in the kitchen so they can see how much they are losing each week.
i dont give money for jobs as i think they should help around the house without payment. i link the pocket money to behaviour.
they are both saving up for things they would like so they are very aware of how much they are losing.
i then dont have to keep forking out for treats . i really want them to realise the value of money and how it doesnt just appear out of a machine in the wall..

Flip