9 month tantrums already??????

[pugsmum]

my 9 month old ha started to have tantrums when he doesnt get what he wants or i take away somethin he shouldnt be playing with eg tv remote or mobile phone !!

what should i do when he has a tantrum at the moment i am just ignoring it and mayb giving him a sgort hug if he is very distressed but not giving in to what he wants ...

also he is not eating his dinner at times but will eat his pudding (all healthy homemade rice pud fruit etc) and im worried he will become a fussy eater . should i stop giving him his puds ? and what do i do if he wont eat dinner leave him hungry or find him something else to eat?

at this age I don't think it is fair to put things in his reach that he can get if hes not allowed them - how can he possibly work it out! (IMHO)

I don't think 9 month olds have tantrums. Don't leave things he should have in his reach and let him eat what he likes/wants, within reason. Rice pudding and fruit contains all the major food groups. Keep offering other things but don't make a big deal out of it.

i dont think think that is entirely fair /helpful feedback as he is crying and kicking his feet when he cant have somethin he cant reach for example if he is sitting on the sofa with us and cant reach the tv buttons he will get angry (or so it seems ) or the picture frames on the table that are out of his reach..

also if we are eating without him he will gesture to have some and do the same thing if he doesnt get it or if i sit him down in his play area ....

obviously we do not leave thing in his reach he shouldnt have however if i pick him up while on the phone and he tries to grab it or reaches for the tv remote while sitting with uis on the sofa its a little different??????????????

for the record we eat our dinner after he has his so he should not be hungry.. therefore doesnt need to be fed!!!!!

Have you tried all eating the same food, at the same time?

Couldn't you just let him have a little taste of what you are having unless deeply unsuitable, like very salty or spicy? I don't think it would do him any harm to taste 'grown up' food. Give him a bit of your veg or a chip or a slice of meat to chew on. Or give him some fruit, if that's what he likes. A bit of extra fruit will do no harm at all.

As for wanting what he can't have, I don't think that's really a tantrum. He just wants the nice interesting shiny things that you have - seems reasonable to me. Just take them away and give him a big cuddle. Nice as they look, they're not for babies. Have you tried handing him something he can have as you take the old thing away? That often works well at this kind of age.

If he wants the TV remote because he's sitting with you and you have it, can't you hide it under a cushion or something? And keep saying no kindly. Eventually he will get the idea. This will take ages (and will feel like twice as long) but keep at it! It's worth it in the long run.

My DD is very similar and appears to really "need" the TV remote/telephone etc, we have actually started hiding these things as it became such an issue. I found that distraction worked best so when she starts reaching/grabbing at things she cant have I use a toy or anything else that takes her eye and she soon forgets. In regards to meal times DD always has things off my plate and I quite like this as she has very varied diet

My DD is doing pretty much the same thing at the moment too... she's obsessed with our remotes/phones/anything "grown up" that we don't really want her to play with. I do my best to distract her and rather than take stuff from her, I hold out my hand and ask her to give it to me which she usually does - but then kicks her feet and starts screaming when she realises she can't have it back again!!

My biggest problem at the moment is that she doesn't want to sit in her high chair for meal times. As soon as I pick her up and take her to the chair, she arches her back and starts screaming. If I sit on the floor with her, she will eat quite happily (although its messy!) but she just won't eat in the chair. Anyone else been through this? What did you do? I'm worried that sitting on the floor is getting into bad habits!

Tantrums are just where their feelings overwhelm them really, so I suppose you could call it a tantrum, but I wouldn't think of it as anything negative or naughty. At this age he obviously won't understand if you explain why he can't have something, but a short one or two word explanation is a good habit to get into for later, such as "Hot" or "Ouch" or "Dangerous" or "That's Daddy's" or "Not for touching" and then give him either something similar he can have (I used to let DS play with an old remote with no batteries in) or try to distract him with something so interesting he won't look back! With "hot" as well, I did let him touch some hot things if I was sure he wouldn't really hurt himself - such as letting him touch the radiator if he was holding onto something else, or letting him touch the outside of a cup of tea if I was holding it still and sure it wouldn't spill.

I think they just really want to explore anything and everything at this age and they don't understand concepts like they might break things! I'm also slightly against the notion that as soon as a tantrum starts they have lost all rights to whatever it was they wanted in the first place. I just act as though he isn't tantruming and stick to my original decision - so if he was tantruming because he wanted something he wasn't allowed, say ice cream before dinner, then fair enough, don't give in, but if I had promised him, for example, milk (or not mentioned it but just thought that it was about the time that he would want milk) and then he had a tantrum because he wanted milk, I wouldn't then turn around and say "Right well if you're going to be like that, no milk!" I would still let him have it, though now he is older I do remind him to ask nicely rather than screaming at me. And we nearly always end up having a hug either way and I would say something which showed that I was listening and I understood, even though it wasn't changing my decision, and we might talk about why he couldn't have or do what he wanted, and work out a compromise, like maybe he could have a little bit of ice cream after dinner, or next time we go to the big park we might buy one, or he could have some raisins instead (or whatever I felt reasonable that I would have definitely agreed to if he had asked in the first place). Obviously all this comes a lot later! But it's worth practicing the offering of suitable alternatives early, and also giving really short simple explanations, and validation of feelings ie "You are angry that you can't have the phone" or "You are sad that your biscuit broke in half".

Waffling sorry.

Best thing at this age is distraction. Offer something else in exchange. I have a 10 month old and always try to distract her with other things if she gets hold of something she's not supposed to play with.

My 9mo DS is exactly the same. Its not tantruming, hes just indicating he wants something. We keep the remotes in one place where we know he cant reach. He does try to grab for our mobiles but we just say 'here, hold this' and give him something he is allowed to play with, it totally distracts him and he forgets.

As for the food, he does try to take from our plates even though we all eat together at the table. We are generally eating the same things now but even so he thinks we are getting something hes not and wants the same! I give him a little of mine and say 'you eat yours too'.

Its just them learning and being inquisitive. No need to worry.

brilliant greatg advice guys... i have been putting the tips into practise recently and completly moved the living room round (a few times) as he is getting taller andable to reach different areas that i didnt no he could get into .. we seem to have a great deal of shelves everywhere now lol
th tv remotes are behind the sofa now so he cant see them and have taking to kissing him over and over if he is trying to steel the remote while i am changing channel when we are havin hug on the sofa he tents to just start giggling until i have found my programme !
i find it very hard to eat at the same time as him as i am dieting and also he eats a lot healthier than we do i also keep trying to encourage lumps as he strongly objects to anything not blended at the moment so if i am trying him with somethin he may not agree with meal times can get very stressful and need my full attention and effort lol .. but we are trying to eat around the same time so i start to feed him while my partner does ours and then we swap for his puding (healthy pud) and give him bits from our plate and have back uo finger foods for when we have doused ours in salt or have nothing suitable for him ..
this is all working very well .

sometimes he will object to being put into his hi chair i usually take him straight out if i feel he is going to kick off (so to speak) and get him a to or somethin to chew and he is so worried about dropping it while i am puting him in he doesnt notice he is in his hi chair then quickly start to feed him and he seems a lot calmer .. if we have a real problem that day i may use the aid of fireman sam, loony tunes etc to help distract him..

THanx again for all your help we are adapting very well with minimal 'tantrums ' from him ........ but mainly me and daddy lol

i am dieting and also he eats a lot healthier than we do

Just an idea, if you were to eat as healthily as him would the dieting be helped at all?

Sounds like you are doing well, though, if you're getting minimal tantrums and good luck!