4.5 yo 'doesn't like' any other children - normal or worrying?

[emeraldgirl1]

My godson is either totally uninterested in the other children at school or actively scared of them. He's OK-ish with adults that he knows well but has absolutely no interest in mixing at school. At parties he clings to his mum or dad and won't join in. He's not my child so of course I don't want to interfere or bring it up with my friend if it's nothing to worry about - I have no children so don't know if this is just par for the course!!!

But it concerns me that he's not just shy - I've met shy or quiet children and eventually they all warm up to other children, even if they're not the life and soul - but actively withdrawn. I worry for him that he's missing out :( Doesn't some level of sociability come naturally to children? Is it bad if it doesn't?!

As I say I have no children of my own so I'm ignorant here!! It just doesn't feel 'right' to me and I wonder if there's anything I could do.

madamdeathstare - I hadn't thought of that - I don't know, he may be highly intelligent, I'm so hopeless that I'm not sure how you'd know that...!! See how useless I am about children?!

you sound nice, you are right to worry - whatever his level of intelligence.

of course he's missing out, of course it's a problem, of course there's a social instinct.

parties are one thing - shy people can dislike parties. but having no friends at school is quite another. After all, you can always avoid big parties as a teenager - everyone's different - but you need a couple of mates to be happy.

The chances are that he's terrified, wishes he could be a joining in person but doesn't know how to do it.
it's always possible that he's got a bigger social communication problem and just doesn't understand the point of playing - but I think you'd be seeing wider problems if that was the case - I think you'd be describing a more dramatically different child.

do you look after him/spend time with him alone?

I agree with lingle. What's his speech like? Is he often anxious? Does he like older or younger children?

thanks so much guys for your replies - he is a very anxious child yes - his mum calls him a hypochondriac because he does seem to fret and worry about non-existent or minor pains in a way I haven't seen in other children his age... and no, he doesn't seem interested in children older or younger either - I have seen other kids be interested in babies for example, which i think even a shy child would probably be as they're not much of a threat!!

Oh sorry - and his speech - I have a very limited set of comparisons!! It seems... OK. He was a late-ish talker I think. Certainly he's not exactly what I'd call 'verbal' compared to my niece of a younger age but then I think boys are less verbal no?

supersunnyday - thanks so much for your post - good to hear that your friend's little boy is doing better - it is a good idea I think to suggest something like that, a nice quiet activity that he might enjoy and not feel scared by... though I do know that my friend (his mum) does arrange play-dates (is that the technical term these days??!) and stuff but that he doesn't interact with the children on them, just tends to cuddle with his mum. My friend isn't worried - which is good - and if she's not there's no reason why anyone else should I be I guess!! It's just that she has a tendency to say things like, 'well, I only ever had a couple of friends and I turned out OK!!' It worries me though that things have changed a lot since she was a little girl in a nice country town and that her rose-tinted view of a childhood with 'only a couple of friends' isn't going to be the same thing in London in the 21st century!! Besides, he doesn't even seem interested in a couple of friends! Of course this could all change and maybe in 10 years time he'll be falling out of nightclubs! I hope so!!

Anyway I know he's not my child so it's not up to me to worry - hard though when you care about the little thing!

I'm sure the mum thinks about it quite a lot

the key is to walk before you run. the aim is to achieve a little bit of social success, however small-scale.

scared children are often better at games-with-rules like board games and card games. my brother was so like this that he became a cricket commentator!

they are also much better one to one than in fluid groups.

even both watching the same tv programme and laughing at the same time is a start (a nice safe start).