angry 7yr old boy

[drogo]

Can anyone help. My 7yr old ds is having wild tantrums and huge angry spells. I can't say no to him without him going a bit crazy. He has always had a temper but this has got steadily worse for about a year. We have had a stressful 18months in many ways, and he finds it hard to express himself so i'm wondering whether it's a reaction to all the hard times. I try to stay calm, as I know shouting doesn't help, but it can be really hard. Any tips or thoughts?

A little more info would be helpful....

What sets him off? For example, (as he would see it), an invasion of his privacy/personal space/stuff.

Being made to do certain things, or denied certain things?

How does he act with other kids, with adults, and while at school?

Any particular other issues with development, other than rage/temper?

Hi. It could be a reaction to all the stress - but it could also be because he's 7.... my 7 year old is a bit like this at home at the moment. They're learning to manage themselves and their feelings I guess.

my DS went through a similar phase about a year ago - after I broke up with his dad, moved house, he moved school, then my new partner. I didn't know what to do with him, especially when the temper tantrums started to affect his schooling. I knew he needed help but I didn't want him to start seeing a therapist!
So I tried Sleep Talk with the support of a hypnotherapist. You basically let your DS fall asleep as normal but before you go to bed, you half wake them up and repeat some set phrases designed to address particualr issues (self confidence & believing he was loved & secure for my DS) It was BRILLIANT. I noticed a change within days and haven't looked back since. A close friend tried the same with her DD and got great results too
Good luck

Thank you. The sleep talk sounds interesting -i'll look into it. He seems to be set off by a lot of things - pretty much anyone saying no, also he seems to have low self esteem. His older brother is very bright and sometimes makes my ds feel inadequate. he has struggled a bit at school and I have discovered this holidays he is long sighted, has sleep apnea caused by blocked sinuses etc. He is permanently exhausted from not being able to breathe and from almost permanent infected tonsils. We are waiting for a tonsilectomy (and adenoids) but i'm apprehensive as he had a hernia op nearly 2 years ago and suffered hallucinations and terrified delirium on emergence from anaesthetic which then returned nightly for almost a year. Added to this we moved house, I broke up from my partner whilst pregnant (he walked out) and then new baby arrived. Think he is suffering from major "loss" and feels he doesn't get enough of me. I do my best but am now single mother of 3. Hope this fills in the background a bit! Incidentally he is fine when at school and with grandpa etc., but I can't have his friends over to play anymore as he is horrendous. He's fine at their houses.

Not sure but my DS is 7yo next week and has gone from a passive placid boy to an independent stroppy monster in the space of about 4 weeks.

I just ignore him when he flies of the handle, then give him a look and say 'now try again', I do though give him his own way when he asks nicely and will phase this out when he's learnt to just ask and will be more in a frame of mind for compromise. It's normally really stupid things mind - not gettting diamonds because he wants them!!

The sleep talk thing is interesting - DS has been calmer for a few days despite being knackered. We have had a lot of family parties (birthdays/weddings) the past week. He has fallen asleep on the way home everytime and I've had to wake him to get upstairs. I have been talking to him then.

Poor lad, that's a lot to cope with at 7 - try and get his op done sooner? The sleep issues probably have a huge impact on his behaviour. Great it's not impacting school, he probably tries harder to "be good" at school/grandpa, but feels he doesn't need to make the effort at home where he can let his grouchiness out - not nice for you though. I'd imagine the exhaustion is making it harder for him to process and cope with all the other changes going on.

Make sure you talk to the Consultant and Anesthetist before his op - explain what happened before and he should be able to check DS notes to find what was used on him before - there are various mixtures and they may be able to give him something less likely to cause the same problem again.

I'd also talk to your DS's school. Alert them to his sleeping problem but also talk to them about what he's been through & his behaviour at home. My son's school gave him some extra responsibility eg taking the registers back to the office, helping at tuck shop etc which he took to like a duck to water he loved having these jobs to do & was really proud of himself!

My 7 yr old DS goes in and out of angry phases and can still have tantrums at times. He also has problems sleeping. We work a lot on this with rewards and taking away privileges for angry behaviour - it seems to be working slowly. We also give him more independence which he craves when he shows us he can be grown up.

Sounds like you have had a lot to deal with. Like you say, a bit of special time just with you and him would be good if you can find someone to babysit. A bit of bonding works wonders when you feel you are 'losing' them a bit..

Thanks everyone. I think we are making a bit of progress - me staying calm is definitely a big part of it. Also, now I am making more time for him he seems to realise this is what he wants and actually asks for me to sit with him at night etc. Also doing star charts and trying to praise him for anything he does right. Having said that he's been vile today, but overall I think things are a tiny bit better. Think I have found a hypnotherapist to help with the sleep talk idea, although I'm off on holiday (hopefully will help too) so might have to wait a week or two. I've also been recommended a book called 'The Incredible Years' by Carolyn Webster Stratton. Not quite my usual holiday reading but desperate times...!