What am I doing wrong? (7 week old)

[LilyPilley]

My DD 7 weeks just never seems to be happy. Even though she may be exhausted, she's always fought sleep which has resulted in me having to swaddle and rock her to sleep with a pacifier else she will scream. Once asleep, I can't put her down as she wakes within 5 minutes. In my arms, she's very restless and I'm having to get up to rock every so often. Lately she has started fighting when nursing. Lots of searching, tugging and pulling. This has really got me down as she's always been a good eater. I've started using Infacol though DD tends to burp pretty easily.

When she's awake I'm lucky to get 10-15 minutes where she seems happy before she gets fussy. I seem to be stuck in a vicious circle and I just don't know what else to do. Everyone kept saying things will get easier after 6 weeks but it seems to have gotten worse. Reading how other mums get their DC to self settle etc is just depressing. Any advice?

Have you got a sling? This may help as she will be close to you. Some find it very helpful.

By self settling she needs to go down awake. If you let her fall her asleep on you then put her down she will probably wake up. I used to put something against me eg: a muslin and put it in the moses basket, or wear a tshirt then put that over the mattress, (so it smells of you).

Is she getting over tired? The first 3 months are very hard and it doesn't help hearing/reading about so called easy babies.

You're not doing anything wrong. Could she have colic? I know some babies suffer all day as opposed to simply in the evening. I always gave DD colief before every feed and it did a load of good. We also co-slept as I was unable to put her down at the age too. They do grow out of it, I promise!

Sounds like it could be silent reflux? That is just reflux without the massive vomiting that seems to go with it. Have you spoken to your health visitor about it? Could be worth a chat.

I have tried sling and sometimes it works, sometime it doesn't. All depends on how much of a frenzy she's worked herself into. Luckily she seems to be ok at night and sleeps in the moses basket provided she hasn't fully woken at feeds. She seems happiest in the mornings and starts fussing in the afternoons. Some nights are worse than others. A couple of nights ago it started at 6 and I was only able to settle her at 12. I have been reluctant to put it down to colic and have doubted myself instead. At times I feel a failure of a mother in not being able to calm my own baby.

I do make a effort to look out for tired signs and try my best to put her to sleep before she gets overtired. This does however still consist of a lot of rocking and fighting on her part.

MagicFingerGoesPop - what signs do I look for with silent reflux? Every now and then she'll bring up some milk and I have noticed that at times she looks as if she's swallowing. Could this be reflux? I have an appointment with the health visitor next week and will bring it up then.

You aren't doing anything wrong and you need to stop thinking like that, it will only get you down x

I can't over emphasis how much a cranial osteopath may be able to help you. Often babies have a rough time during the birth and can be left with pain/headaches etc, cranial osteopaths are fab at helping to sort it out.

What support are you getting?

You might want to go to someone a bit better qualified if you suspect silent reflux - some HV's are great, some are a liability...

I know it seems hard to believe, but it will get better
x

My Ds was a colicky baby and I used to make up a pint of camomile tea (1 tea bag), cool it with the bag still in and then remove it and put the jug of tea in the fridge, then put a small amount into a little bottle, top up with warm, previously boiled water and feed him it. It sorted him out really well.

My Dd screamed almost constantly with pain which seemed to be in her gut. I only found this out when it stopped after I weened her at 6 months.

It will get better and you mustn't blame yourself; babies are hard work.
Don't forget to look after your own needs and get someone else to take her for a while whilst you have a rest/bath/walk or whatever. I would've coped so much better if I'd had support.

reflux i wish i had found this site when my DD was little,we couldnt put her down,EVER.she slept on my chest,and only rarely slept at all,it was months of rocking shushing and screaming.it all calmed down once she could sit up.and she was much happier in the meantime if she was upright.
what type of sling do you have?an upright one like a hugabub is brill for reflux/colicky/unsettled babys as they dont feel like you are putting them down to sleep,so they dont fight it so much,they sort of drift of unawares...
IF you think she has reflux you may have to fight for the diagnoses,so do your research first,before you speak to the HV/Dr,and then talk to them about what you think may be wrong.
in the meantime,do what ever you can to survive,leave the housework,sod the ironing,and repeat MN mantra....'This Too Shall Pass!'
and it will,i promise.x

It does sound like colic. Babies with silent reflux tend to not feed very well and cry with pain rarther than fuss. Have it checked with your HV though.

Please don't think you are a failure though. I have looked after many babies and some are very easy and some are a royal pain in the arse. lovely as they are.

Yes perhaps silent reflux. I would recommend the craniosacral therapy too.

Also, for settling we had to swaddle and put on white noise quite loud (you can buy CDs or a machine), dummy, and (this was important) tilt the Moses basket / crib slightly so their head is higher by their body a bit. This can help for reflux or just to remove that sensation of falling that babies get. Also we used to very carefully roll up two small cellular blankets and wedge them either side (very carefully and not near the face) to give them that snug sensation they're used to. I know that's not something that's recommended so you have to be careful but really helped us.

We came up with all this after going to a doula in desperation. We still did plenty of cuddling and holding of course but this used to give us a chance to have a little time to sort ourselves out while she had a snooze in her Moses.

You could also try a mechanical swing and avdifferent sling or different position. I would re ommnd a moby or close carrier and do an upright hold.

Oh and every thing Frig said :)

My eldest cried, fussed and needed to be walked around every single evening from 4pm to 10pm from around 2 weeks until 13 weeks. It hit a peak at around 6 weeks (christmas eve he screamed from 7am to 10pm, only stopping to feed).

Everyone said it was colic. I found it the hardest, most exhausting and demoralising time of my life.

Walking helped, going out for long walks in his pram, driving around the block, putting the Hoover on...

In our case, it stopped suddenly at 13 weeks, and he has been amazing ever since (he is 7 years now).

Take care. X

Hi,

My DD 11 months was reflux-y. At her 6 week check I asked about infant gaviscon and GP reluctant to prescribe. I had to hold DD upright for a MINIMUM half hour after feeds- which she had every 2 hours, every night....She sometimes cried for 4 hours every evening (anythign from 2-4 hours from about 4-8 weeks old). I was so sleep deprived and barely functioning. We used the baby bjorn sling. DD did mostly calm in that- particularly if walking was brisk (lap the house!!) . I could NEVER sit for more than about 15 min with her , unless she was asleep on my chest. We had moses basket tilted head up to the point where any more and she ended up in a crumpled heap at the foot of it!! After she dropped 2 centiles on the growth chart at 10 weeks, GP was prescribing Gaviscon, but by then she was settling herself (with the vomitting and being severely unhappy if laid flat, ever as she had been before) so I never gave it.
I would:

• hold upright after feeds, ask re:gaviscon- my friend has just been precribed for her son who's far, far milder than my DD.

-Use sling -don't worry too much about self settling- i fretted myself silly over having a DD who couldn't self settle. It has happened gradually and naturally with lots of scene-setting and prompts- like routine, routine, routine and she goes in her cot fine, sleeps through and is finally having 2 naps a day in her cot.

I go with This Too Shall Pass!!!!!

good luck

also stopped suddenly with us too- one day i was tearing my hair out wondering what to do, the next, almost no crying, one week later, bedtime routine clicked, and MAGIC!!! I had an evening!!!!!

I'll bet it's colic. It's a bugger. Gripe water helps though I suspect it is possibly frowned upon these days! I sympathise - my eldest had horrendous colic and I don't know how I didn't just through him out of the window. Anyway, you are not doing anything wrong, and like all things, it will pass.

I think they have to be 3 months before you can give them gripe water. See that's why I used camomile tea. Negligible caffeine, relatively cheap and easily made and it relaxes you. I found it excellent. Just make it very weak for them. Ds loved it and it sorted him out.

Definitely check out the reflux issue, but if that doesn't go anywhere, some babies do just cry a lot. DD1 was like that, very hard to settle her, wouldn't nap without either constant movement or on the boob, a lot of crying. I spent every evening bouncing on the yoga ball until midnight while she intermittently screamed, fed and napped. It was very very hard. Don't worry about self settling, some babies can learn to do it very easily (cue smug parents) and some babies just can't learn to do it until they are considerably older. It's not because you're doing anything wrong.