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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Please help me stop my ds from hitting me :(

15 replies

olibeansmummy · 09/08/2011 07:37

Ds is 2.2 and for a long time he has hit me when I try to get him to do something he doesn't want to do. It's really getting me down because he does it several times a day. I've tried the naughty step which works for a while but then he does it again, ignoring him but then he just hits and hits and hits, telling him he's hurt me and making me sad which he seems to understand a bit but it doesn't stop him. Please help, it's awful being hurt by your own child constantly :(

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Original poster

olibeansmummy · 09/08/2011 07:38

Sorry forgot to add, he never hits anyone else just me

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BertieBotts · 09/08/2011 07:49

We have had some good success with telling DS "I can see that you are angry, but you must not hit mummy. You can hit the sofa if you are feeling cross." and sometimes it helps to take him to the sofa (or bed or other soft but large, inanimate thing) and hit it with him and say things like "Look! Show me how cross you are!" and then you can usually turn it into a drumming game and it seems to get the frustration out and then the drumming bit turns into distraction and you all end up laughing (in theory!)

The other day DS was so cross that he turned around and bit the stairs before storming off up to his room I was torn between finding it hilarious and being pleased that he'd taken on board the coping technique I'd shown him :)

BertieBotts · 09/08/2011 07:53

And he does quite often need reminders but doesn't tend to need to be physically moved to the intended place that much any more. I have also perfected holding him at arm's length when he is trying to hit, which he really hates, but he's learning that there's no way I'm going to just sit there and let him hit me. It doesn't hurt him, he just doesn't like having his arms restrained (or usually one hand on each shoulder holding him back, which doesn't hurt unless he's pushing against it)

Original poster

olibeansmummy · 09/08/2011 08:00

Thanks I will try doing those things next time he hits, which won't be very long!

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BertieBotts · 09/08/2011 08:15

Good luck :)

Original poster

olibeansmummy · 09/08/2011 08:43

Thanks I think I'll need it, he is NOT in a good mood today!

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gracerowansmum · 09/08/2011 13:59

I too have a hitting 2 yr old. I am interested in your ideas and will also be trying them out. My difference is that hitting is also directed at older sibling and daddy, although mainly me. :(

AngelDog · 09/08/2011 22:23

Bertie's idea of providing an alternative has worked really well for me with my now 19 m.o. and a biting spell a while ago.

Original poster

olibeansmummy · 12/08/2011 10:00

Well so far nothing has worked he just seems to enjoy hitting me . It's hard coz he does exactly as his dad says no problem but won't do anything for me.

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BoysAreLikeDogs · 12/08/2011 10:14

okay

let's have a think about why he's hitting you, what's in it for him:

attention - because it's natural to react to a blow, the parent (you) reacts, and BINGO he's found a way to get attention.

effective method of getting what he wants - do you sometimes give in (understandable, because we all want an easy life, yes?) thus making it worth his while persisting

not doing it to dad - I think this is key; if there is no point in DS hitting daddy because it doesn't work with daddy try to unpick what your partner does/how does he react/does he have a special voice

what sort of things is he hitting you over? shoes on/leaving park?

Original poster

olibeansmummy · 12/08/2011 14:08

When he hits I put him on the naughty step, so he ends up further away from me. I've tried ignoring him but he just hits harder and harder. I don't give in to him. I think it's a power struggle between me and him tbh. He usually hits when getting dressed/ undressed/ brushing his teeth etc so basically he doesn't want to do it and I'm trying to make him do it. I know I need to make him respect me more but how is the question? I have tried talking to dh but all he does is criticise and say I have no control but he won't offer any actual practical advice as to what I am doing differently to him. Tbh I don't think he's that inciteful .

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HoneyPablo · 12/08/2011 14:19

Next time he tries to hit you gently grab his hand and say "No" very firmly.
Then let go of his hand. If he tries it again, just keep holding onto his hand(s) and repeating "No, you don't hit"
If he tries hitting you again, you say "No, you don't hit. If you do it again I will put you on the naughty step" But you must follow through with it.
Just keep repesting the same proceedure, again and again, until he does eventually get it.
In the mean time, every opportunity you get, reinforce the idea that it's not nice to hit- it hurts and it makes people sad.

If you get nowhere with this method you could try falling to the floor and pretending that he has really hurt you. Be a proper drama queen, howl, go over the top. This might shock him so much that he will stop in his tracks and burst into tears. This is when you give him a cuddle and say "You must never hurt Mummy"
Hopefully this will work.

Migsy1 · 12/08/2011 14:23

I have found that only 2 things can work in this situation.
The first, and preferable one is to ignore him hitting as he is looking for a reaction, you could just grab his arm, say nothing and carry on with whatever you are doing.
The second, and this will not be popular with many people, is to hit him back. I've found this gets instant results.

RockinSockBunnies · 12/08/2011 14:25

Something else to try - have you done the REALLY LOUD (at the top of your voice, bellow) 'NO!'. So loudly and forcefully that it would make anyone jump a mile in the air in fright.

If not, maybe worth a try if you're at the end of your tether.

Original poster

olibeansmummy · 12/08/2011 16:49

I've tried shouting and almost growling 'NO', tried hand holding, ignoring etc. Don't think I could hit him back though! I've been pretending to be upset which works a bit, so I'll try hamming it up a bit more! He's only just starting to understand that he can hurt people so maybe he'll get better soon. Thanks ladies

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