Is he behind?

[Brewster]

My friend has a 4 year old boy and I have always thought he was a little 'different'
I dont want to be nosy but I am concerned that there is something a bit 'wrong ' with him.
They are not the most proactive of parents and leabe most things to the nursery to deal with and teach him - they both work full time so dont spend much time with him.
He is very skinny - wears age 2 clothes.
Only eats pasta.
Although I believe he can talk I havent herad hi say much and what he can say I dont believe is at the level a 4 year old should be at.
He is very unadventerous, wont try anything new, is scared of practically everything, cant climb up a slide unless it is a very basic ladder type.
Gets very upset about the tiniest of things.
Is interested in very few things.
Still has a dummy at bed time.
His 2 year old brother is more adventous than him and even teases his older brother!

Does any of this sound like he has some kind of issue?
Thank you

A lot of this I personally don't see much problem with. His parents working for example - lots of children now have 2 working parents and manage to thrive.
For him to be skinny and wearing smaller clothes for his age - again, lots of children are like that. As for only eating pasta - I wouldn't have thought a nursery (which is where I'm assuming he spends the majority of his time) would allow this and would most likely have a set meal plan for the week. Therefore, unless he literally starves all day every day, he must eat something else. If not, then you can add lots of things to pasta to add nutrition.
Also, the dummy at bedtime is a parental issue to be dealt with - doesn't imply there is anything wrong with the child.
I would maybe be slightly concerned about him being scared of "everything" and easily upset. However, some children are just sensitive. But, this could imply there are some issues with him - perhaps through home or nursery. Doesn't neccessarily mean there is though, it could just his nature. But, some positive encouragement could help. Have you tried talking to the parents about ways to help him overcome some of his fears?

Sounds perfectly normal. Nothing you've put here other than possibly the speech sounds anything I'd worry about at all. Re. the speech, often shy children will say very little to adults they don't know. I'd expect the nurser to pick that up if they thought it was a problem.
I'm sure you're trying to be a concerned friend, but the nursery is almost certainly in a better position to assess him.

Are you sure he only eats pasta? Pasta for breakfast? Pasta for lunch and tea? Pasta snacks? If that were true he would be malnourished and vitamin deficient unless on vitamin supplements.

What does he say? Which 4 year olds are you comparing him to? Some children are just quiet in company- no indication of ability to speak and I should imagine nursery would have picked up any speech delay by now.

Getting very upset about the tiniest of things (tiny to an adult anyway) is really very normal.

Being unadventurous and scared of things is personality.

I see no evidence of him being 'behind' from what little you have written.

Sounds concerning to me - but I'm not really sure what you can do about it. :(

I guess you'll have to wait to see if school raise concerns :(

"they both work full time so dont spend much time with him"

I'm sensing that you feel he would be different if you were his mother?

Goodness me - I should have expected this!
Of course I don't think I would be a better Mother to him.

YOu know what....I came here for some advice and help and once again you blimin 'mumsnetters' have come here with your attitudes and nasty opinions.

Why cant women just support each other and realise that some people are concerned about their friends and want to help out.

I am not going to go into anymore details as I will just get stupid replies in return.

It is rare that I have ever come on here and not been shocked by many of the replies the people on here receive when all they wanted was a bit of support and advice.

Trust me - I shan't bother anymore cos it is such a waste of time

OK Brewster I shouldn't have snapped at you, sorry. Maybe you can treat my response as a useful rehearsal for what can happen when talking to mothers on these topics ?

you obviously feel this child is struggling. what you can do is make careful observations about things that are positive and/or quirks/problems that your child has too. So comments like "I remember being scared of X too when i was little" and "isn't it funny how they love playing trains all day?" and "he's quite musical isn't he?" are all good and might make the mum feel she can open up.

Then if she does, be careful about sharing your views ~(after all, you're not an expert) but perhaps say "my mum/sister/friend knew this lady whose son did that too and he went to speech therapy and it really helped him"

So stay ultra -positive but if you get any chance at all, mention the benefits of getting to a speech therapist.

I know many of the concerns you had aren't about speech, but speech therapists are experts in all aspects of communication and would be a good port of call for your friend.

good luck

Thank you lingle

We've all got our personalities and little ways. That's not to say there's anything "wrong". Even if his parents do work full time, I'm guessing they still love their son, find time to play, chat, read, go out at the weekend.
His nursery should tell the parents if they think he has any problems.
My son's preschool spoke to me about my his "poor motor functions" and accused us of not getting him out of the house enough. I was furious, as she assumed she knew everything about our lifestyle, but she was totally wrong. As a result I did not take any of her concerns seriously.
Now he's just finished reception and his teacher wants to refer him to an educational psychologist. I'm still in shock. But his teacher made simple observations rather than assumptions and accusations. She talked about positive things as well.
It's easier to accept things that are hard to accept when it's done with respect and tact.