Three yo dd - tantrums in public places

[Besom]

Somebody has swapped my well behaved wee darling for a demon changeling in the last few weeks.

She's 3.3 and is generally fine at home but it tends to be when we're out somewhere. It's often when she's having fun and doesn't want to leave a place. Today it was because I wouldn't buy her some tat out of a gift shop we were in (I had agreed to buy her one peice of tat but she wanted two). It ended up with her scratching and kicking me and I feel so upset about it.

It know you're supposed to ignore it but that's not always possible when you're out. Today I had to pick her up and carry her out of the shop because I couldn't allow her to carry on behaving the way she was in there. I had stood there for some time trying to negotiate.

It seems to be happening every time we go out so am getting to the point of wanting to stay in the house. It isn't just me, she's been doing it with dh and my dad as well.

It's depressing because we've got a couple of weeks off soon and some nice things planned to do with her.

What can we do? Any suggestions welcome.

Pretty common, don't beat yourself up. She is 'exploring her boundaries'. It will pass, I'd recommend sticking to your guns which you seem to be doing. Follow through with consequences. Get down to her level, talk calmly 'e.g. I have promised one piece of tat, if you behave like this you will not be getting any tat' cue removing her if she doesn't improve (which she won't at first!)

Make sure you remember to count down leaving times (10 mins till we go, 5 min, 1 min).

She'll soon start to understand that it won't get her anywhere, in the meantime ride it out and remember you're not a bad parent!

PS also remember that once she's started tantruming you probably can't negotiate with her but I still like to explain in my uber uber calm voice (which actually means I'm trying not to lose it, it goes rather soft). The important thing is then to talk about it afterwards. 'The way you behaved in the shop is not the way that we behave, this is why you didn't get any tat. Next time if you behave well you will get the tat that is promised to you'. etc. If you're doing this already just stick with it, they get the message (eventually!)

Also, if you are going out on nice days out speak to her beforehand (sounds like you are anyway) to say what you expect and what the consequence will be if she doesn't listen. I try to stick to 3 rules that they can remember, slightly dependent on what they are doing (for the beach 1. Must wear suncream and not complain when I put it on, otherwise we leave 2. Do not go near water without an adult, otherwise we leave 3. must always be able to see mummy, otherwise we leave. You get the picture... it helps.)

Thanks senorita for reassurance.

You cannot negotiate with a 3 year old. A 3 yr old canno tbe rational when it comes to what they want/demand.

As Senoritaviva says - talk to your dd before you go out about where you are going and how you expect her to behave. Warn of consequences,..and always,always, stick to them, however bad YOU feel.