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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

8 yr old wants me to explain my every waking thought and movement, aargh!

24 replies

Pishwife · 31/07/2011 14:53

Perhaps I am feeling this more keenly due to the holidays...

If I sigh, she asks why. If I'm looking in a cupboard and a tin falls over and I say "Oops," she has to know why I said oops, with action replay. If DH pats my shoulder and I say "That's nice," she has to know what was nice, who did it, and can she have a turn.

If I am negotiating a tricky roundabout and I tut, she wants the full story and highway code, plus motivations of other drivers.

Earlier today I saw something in the paper & passed it to DH, saying, "Look."

She intercepted the paper and grabbed it, saying "What is it? Can I see?" and I shrieked "I was TALKING to my HUSBAND!" which was crap of me.

Help?!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

cjbartlett · 31/07/2011 14:55

Have you unconsciously been ignoring her because she's irritating you?
She sounds insecure to me

franke · 31/07/2011 14:58

Perhaps our 8yo dds were separated at birth. It drives me completely bonkers. We are on holiday at the mo and I'm finding the relentlessness of the constant questions and neediness really overwhelming. No advice, sorry, just empathy.

Original poster

Pishwife · 31/07/2011 15:02

What would you recommend, cjbartlett?

OP posts:

lostlady · 31/07/2011 15:03

I get this too! Relieved to know not just me. I shall await any advice with interest.

Original poster

Pishwife · 31/07/2011 15:07

Franke, how do you handle it? I usually answer as much as possible, but when I do need to say "I'll just finish this" or something she is totally crestfallen. She is very chatty around other adults too, which often attracts comments about how forward/confident/not shy she is. I sometimes wonder if a good parent would be teaching her that the world can't always stop for her to be included in everyone's thought processes.

OP posts:

DrGruntFotter · 31/07/2011 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

franke · 31/07/2011 15:25

I think she confines this to when she's at home. In all other aspects of her life she is outgoing, popular etc, but with a slight tendancy to involve herself in other people's business, but not in a way that concerns me.

Pishwife, I handle it exactly as you have described. I handle it better and more patiently when it is just the two of us (not very often). I recognise that what she needs are clear, unambiguous answers and exact timings of when we are going to do what and when. Obv that isn't always possible (for reasons of time or what she is capable of understanding at 8yo) and that's when I get the crestfallen looks and when I begin to lose patience. She's an emotional girl who I think cries far too much but I think this is often linked to what happens in real life not matching up to the very rigid scenario she's concocted in her head if that makes sense.

Sorry this has moved away from your original description but I do see a lot of my dd in your op.

Original poster

Pishwife · 31/07/2011 15:25

Yes, Dr, that sounds like what I'm doing. The upside is that she always tells me what's on her mind if something's wrong!

PC was a bit slow just then and I tutted, which sparked;
-why did you go "tut"
-why is the computer slow
-what happens if it explodes
-could it play the Sims
-do I like the Sims
-do I wish we had a house like on the Sims
-if it explodes, will will buy a new one
-why not
-if we can't afford a new computer then we can't afford a Sims house, can we?

And relax.

OP posts:

franke · 31/07/2011 15:28

Lol at your dd wanting to see what you're eating Drgrunt. At about the same age dd saw me putting in a tampon (sorry tmi). Immediately handed me another from the box saying "Again, mummy"

SageMist · 31/07/2011 15:50

This is how children learn! Dd is exactly like this and it is irritating but I wouldn't change a thing. Come the teenage years all I'll get is the odd grunt, so I'm appreciating the constant barage of questions now!

DrGruntFotter · 31/07/2011 16:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheGrimSweeper · 31/07/2011 18:47

Agree with sage not at all a sign of insecurity just learning. My dd 8 is the same. She has a running commentary going all. Day. Long. I love her dearly, love spending time with her but during the holidays, I just want to cry sometimes.

So now we have a reward system going If she can be silent for a 30 min stretch everyday, she gets a treat at the end of the week. Nothing dramatic -
Cinema, chocolate etc all part and parcel of holidays anyway.

yellowsubmarine41 · 31/07/2011 20:01

My dd's 4 and I was sort of hoping that she'd grow out of this soon.

Sounds like I've got a while to go.

She's not at all confident around other adults, but it's only very recently I've been able to go upstairs for a wee in peace.

MrsJRT · 31/07/2011 20:10

You're describing my almost 8 year old tO a T. It's incessant and relentless and infuriating at times. I know I'm not as patient as I could be but sometimes I just want to get on with things without examining the ins and outs of every flipping fart or sigh or glance!

Katisha · 31/07/2011 20:15

In this house it's constant deconstruction of humour. If I laugh at something I then have to explain why it was funny, and preferably go through several action replays. Why did you laugh? Why was it funny? So if I say it again you laugh. No you have to laugh like you did the first time. Why isnt it funny now?

aquos · 31/07/2011 20:25

Sorry to tell you, but my two are 10 and 11 and this behaviour is still going strong. I an longing for the teen years when people say they only grunt at you.

I think I've done the same as Dr. Explaining and including, but now they don't recognise adults personal space, interrupt adult conversation and in the case of my 11yo shouts out questions and answers a lot in class, which obviously gets him into trouble.

Dh and I are coming down quite hard on them now with the interrupting to try and stamp it out, but the inquisitiveness is not a bad thing. It's just very, very wearing when you're with them 24/7.

I use a lot of this to get me through the holidays.

CMOTdibbler · 31/07/2011 21:03

Mine is 5. He is not insecure/shy at all. But life is a constant stream of commentary about everything, and it all needs explaining. At length. Other peoples 5 year olds might ask where babies come from (ds was 3), but I had to explain all about same sex parenting (surrogacy, gamete donation, adoption etc) the other day as he would not give up.
And we went on a boattrip last week on holiday. The other children just sat and listened to the commentary. Ds was a stream of 'why does the boat go to Jersey, what are convicts, why did they build a breakwater, is that boat racing, blah, blah, blah' and I had to deal with it all. Fortunatly dh then had to explain the full details of ww2 and the historical background.

I know he's learning, and he is bright, but sometimes i feel like my ears are bleeding

Jesusgirl · 01/08/2011 23:41

Omg! That's my almost 8 year old ds!!!
It feels like I don't have a right to my own personal thoughts anymore. If I giggle, he wants to know what's funny, I look at something he wants to know what, I cough and he wants to know why and how people cough. it gets really tiring sometimes but I try to answer him and when I've had enough, I just tell him to hold on to that question and ask me later!

I don't think it's insecurity, it's just part of growing up and learning. It does get annoying though!!!

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 02/08/2011 14:29

Mines just turned 5 and has been doing this for ages. It's pretty exhausting.

chickflick · 03/08/2011 16:56

I have a a 9yr old and I get this too! I also think it is completely normal and how else are they to learn? I think it is a sign of security actually as she feels comfortable enough to ask these questions all the time.

Labradorlover · 04/08/2011 19:42

OMG you means there's years more of this?????
Mind you she suprised the midwife as she started babbling before she was even fully out of me.......
I recall being on the bus once when DD was about 3, being crushed by the onslaught of questions. Old lady next to me remarked " Oh, you've got a Why-er" and then smirked.
Thing is, she remembers all the answers too.

Have trained her to not talk to me if I'm having a cup of tea, or ask questions when I've just woken up.

AuntieBulgaria · 04/08/2011 23:43

Mine's nearly four. It's not enough I answer the question but then I get asked a supplementary why, to justify my response.

E.g.: Do you like my jumper mummy?
Yes DD, it's very colourful.
Why?
Well, it's got lots of colours in it.
Why?
repeat to argh

bandgeek · 04/08/2011 23:45

My 6 year old does this!

I sometimes just resort to 'I don't know, ask your dad'

graceandbeauty · 05/08/2011 14:48

No advice on the general chatter and questions, but for the expecting to be included in all adult conversations, I would establish some rules. My dd(10) has always been full of questions and enjoys talking to adults, but lately I noticed that she immediately appears at my side if another adult comes over, and joins in the conversation to the point of dominating it, even trying to finish my stories and sentences or answer for me. I've had to make it clear to her that when I'm having an adult conversation she is not to butt in, she may stay for a few minutes then she must disappear. I also tell her not to listen in, which I know she sometimes does as she asks questions later about what we were saying. I do think there needs to be a slight hierarchy with these things!

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