Four year old DD is so ANGRY!

[akaemmafrost]

I am not at my wits end or anything, I usually cope ok with it but my dd is just so tantrummy and full of fury that it does quite worry me really.

I posted about her about 8 months ago, about horrible tantrums and was assured it was normal.

Eg today I said we were going to walk the dog, cue screams, throwing herself around, threats to hit me, this is becoming more common. I do not smack btw, never have. When she threatens me I put her into time out, in which she calms down. She threatens to smack her brother as well, if I ask her to say sorry, she scream "SORRRRRRYYYYYYY!" in the most aggressive and non meaning it way possible. Not all the time but quite often, she would NEVER spontaneously apologise.

On a good day she is the most sunniest, happiest, co-operative little girl you can imagine but on a bad day and I always know within minutes of her opening her eyes what kind of day it will be, honestly she is impossible.

Funnily enough she is adorable at nursery, I have never once been called aside for "a little word" at the end of the day or anything like that, only good things to say about her.

Alot of her "episodes" seem to be triggered off by leaving the house, moving on to a new activity etc. I do give her five minute warnings but even these are met with screams of "100 minutes, not five minutes" and she will scream and scream this sentence becoming more and more upset until I agree or just bundle her out the door.

Anyone got any ideas? Even just on how to handle her. I confess, sometimes I lack sympathy and patience and just bundle her into doing what I want ie, "ok we're going, you stay here then" and walking off, which reduces here to hysterical fury. The non stop negotiation is exhausting.

Is there something she is angry about? My DS is very angry at the moment but he has plenty to be angry about. I'm trying to get him to express his anger in a more constructive way rather than tantrumming at the slightest thing. We are doing lots of physical play, lots of role play with teddies and also lots of cuddling, talking and listening.

As for the leaving the house thing, have you tried an hourglass or something like that where she can see the passage of time and prepare herself for leaving. Or count down each minute out loud. Maybe saying 5 mins just doesn't mean all that much to her yet. For my DS I use the tv . "We are leaving as soon as this programme ends." It doesn't seem to matter if he is watching it, we just have it on in the background, but he understands the programme finishing more than minutes. (Probably because I forget so 5 mins is very changeable!)

interesting about the hourglass suggestion as I was just about to suggest a timetimer (www.timetimer.com).

But with both of these, you need to use them extensively for neutral or positive transitions before you try to use them for transitions that she doesn't like.

good luck