My 6 year old daughter is overweight, despite my best efforts. How can I help her?

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, my 6.5 year old daughter is very tall for her age but also a bit overweight. She eats quite healthily when she's at home but I'm aware that my MIL tends to feed her crisps, sweets and basically what ever she asks for when she's at her house. I've spoken to her about it before, but she just agrees not to, then does it anyway.
She tends to eat a lot of bread. It used to be white, but recently, she'll eat wholmeal as long as it's not seaded. She likes fruit but will only eat carrots un desgised. She'll eat most other vedgetables liquedised as soup.
She doesn't have much of a sweet tooth but loves cheese, yogart and crisps.
I'm not a great cook but always try to avoid highly processed foods high in sugar and fat.
She also excercises quite a lot. We love going on country walks together and she does ballet once a week.
I could do with some tips to help her to loose weight and get fitter. Both my DH and I were very slim as children but my mum and her sister were always overweight and still are. Could it be genetic?
Anyway, I'd be very greatful for any advice.

Well milk is calorific too, so offer her water if she's just delaying!

I think I'll start sending her packed lunches to MIL's. That way, she knows exactly what she has to feed her.
There are always sweets, biscuts and crisps at her house in sight of my dd. It's a temptation just being there. My MIL finds it hard to say no to her.

If I say that the Dr is concerned then she might listen.

I was looking at her today, and she doesn't look that overweight. She has a flat tummy, and isn't big around the face at all. She has a squidgy bottom and has a soft look about her IYKWIM, almost like a toddler. The BMI says she's just over, but I'd much rather her be within the healthy range.

It is skimmed, but I know what you mean. I'm too soft.

Try this instead of stabilisers for her new bike. Sure you already realise but its quite easy to pick up second hand bikes, much better value (go to halfords and try some for size first, then look for a good second hand one).

www.amazon.co.uk/Balance-Buddie-Buddy-Adult-Stabiliser/dp/B0058CIXCW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1312143825&sr=8-1

Hi MLL- could you build in some form of exercise everyday into her lessons?
I think you will have to tackle intake and levels of activity.

Is there something you could take up together? I know it's hard when children are physically unco-ordinated, as my DD is like this... but she spends a lot of time just running haphazardly around at playtime with her friends IYSWIM, which of course your DD isn't getting. Are there any soccer or tennis classes near you she could start? or a different type of dance too? (I did ballet, tap, and modern when I was this age)

I remember you posted about this previously (particularly the MIL/snacks issue)- did you manage to make any changes then? (I notice you've changed to wholemeal bread, which is great- particularly if she suffers constipation)

Upping her veg intake will help with that too, and may help to fill her up too if she's having more fibre, though it's difficult if she doesn't like the taste of veggies.

That looks like a good idea! Thanks.

Hi, no my MIL said she'd give her healthy food, lay of the crisps etc but she didn't. She just let her have them when I wasn't around.
I don't think she knows how unhealthy it is to give her 4 rice cakes as a snack, laidened with butter, or 4 yorkshire puddings for dinnder. I think she thinks I don't feed her enough.
It is hard, as I turned into the food police every time we were at her house. It's just one more thing to get stressed about. At ours it's easy, we don't have unhealthy things in the house.

Oh and she'll eat veggies as a soup, liquedised. I tell her it's baby food. (She has a thing about babies at the moment) She'll eat all sorts of vedge, as long as it has plenty of the sweeter ones eg carrots, parsnips and sweet potato.
I should make her this more often. She does like bread and butter with it though.

Vegetables are good. Even bread with butter is good. Butter is "good" fat. (though spread thinly), and even better if the bread is brown. ....

4 Yorkshires! Crikey even I'd be pushed to eat 4 and I looove Yorkie puds!

As QS says bread and butter is fine, but you need to watch the overall intake. Bread and butter with some veggie soup for lunch = good. Bread and butter half an hour before dinner = not necessary.

I know! My MIL says it's because she doesn't eat much of the other things in a roast dinner. I try to tell her that if she only has 1 yorkie, she will eat some of the other things on her plate. It falls of deaf ears though.

So, I'm going to find out about tennis and swimming lessons. My DH loves football, so he can teach Lucy and play with her. I'm cutting the treats to once a week and making a menu plan. Seing the Dr about development, and pleading with MIL to stop feeding her crap.
Sound like a good plan??

Good plan

Maybe you could get some info from the library or local SureStart centre about healthy eating for children for your MIL?

Yes, that would help. I'll also tell her that the doc says it's important to delay her development. If she thinks there are serious medical reasons, then she might be more willing to help with it.

I just realized that your DD is 50% heavier than my DD (6), who is also tall for her age.

From what you say, this sounds like a diet problem rather than a sedentary lifestyle problem, so I doubt if an extra activity will help much. At the age of 6, she eats what she is given and so it should be easy enough to correct. She should not be eating loads of bread, she should not be having any crisps except maybe occasionally, and what exactly do you mean by "She doesn't drink water?". What was she drinking before you started supplying her with juices and what do you think will happen if you stop?

If she'll drink milk, maybe get skimmed instead of semi?

I limit juice for my 2 because of the sugar in it (though I sometimes feel forced to bend with the youngest as he eats virtually no other fruit)

I disagree slightly with CotedAzur (which is unusual). Even if this is not related to a sedantary lifestyle, but to her diet, exercise WILL help, because it will burn off some of the ecxess fat/calories your dd is eating. Exercising is always good, because it promotes health and a healthy life style, and builds muscle tone in children.

Maybe I am particularlary conserned with this because I have boys, but they are lean and strong, and I am very happy about that. They eat well, and exercise a lot, and I know they can have the extra ice cream or piece of cake because I know they are so active. Having said that, they only get treats on a saturday and a sunday, and for extra energy if we are climbing a particularly challenging (for a child) mountain. There is a time and a place for chocolate, even a jelly sweet, and the mountain is definitely it.

Like today, they cycled 20 kilometers to go to the aquapark to swim for a few hours. Of course some chocolate or an ice cream is on the agenda!

Not sure about tennis tbh. If her coordination is poor she may find it very frustrating. Are there any holiday play schemes locally where she could try different activities out to see what she enjoys (Change4life, pre-Olympic courses etc) Do you have room for a Swingball in your garden or a climbing frame.

We are not really disagreeing, Quintessential. Of course, exercise is a good thing in general and will help OP's daughter's weight problem a bit.

My point was that a 6 yr old who weighs over 30 kgs is seriously overweight, not just a little bit above the average, and that an extra activity is unlikely to help much. What is most needed here is a complete overhaul of her diet, starting with the reintroduction of water as the principal drink and considerably decreasing the amount of crisps and bread that she eats.

With that I agree, Cote. My own 6 year old boy is 18 kg, so OPs daugther is nearly twice that!

You clearly care enough to improve the good work you are already doing. The spanner in the works is your MIL. You NEED to sit her down (when your DD is elsewhere) and show her the stats and info about childhood obesity. You obviously rely on her help, but it is not unreasonable for you to ask her not to undermine your DD's health.

Good luck, you've got some good advice about how to up the exercise and if you get you MIL on-side I'm sure you'll succeed.

It's clear from this that the time your DD spends with your MIL is the root of the problem:

mummyloveslucy Fri 29-Jul-11 20:58:43
She doesn't eat that big portions at home but MIL will often say quite proudly that she's done really well this morning, she's had 3 breakfasts. She'll have something when she wakes, then something with the rest of the family, then something else with the students. I work 3 nights a week, so she's at MIL's while I sleep. She always says she's hungry at night, in order to delay bedtime. My MIL will fill her up with bread and butter or yogart etc. I think for us to change things MIL needs to be on our side. She does find it very hard to say no to our DD though. She also has loads of fattening food around the house that almost teases our DD.

This can't go on! Can you maybe have MIL come to your house to look after DD so that you have more control over what she eats? If not, is there any way you can change your working hours, or can someone else have DD instead of MIL? This is way more than "treats from granny" - as well as ignoring your wishes, your MIL is seriously endangering your DD's health. It's equivalent to her chain-smoking in the house while DD is staying - would you tolerate that?

I am probably speaking out of turn, but at the risk of flaming I will speak my mind.

It seems to me that you need a total overhaul and rethink your family/work/school/childcare set up and how this is balanced. It seems to me that your MIL has too great influence on your dds diet, and this is seriously harming your dd. Your mil is quite possibly setting her up for a life of overeating and obesity. Praise because she has had 3 breakfasts? It is outrageous. Overfeeding a child is not good.

Do you need to home educate? If your dd is in school, her main meal will be taken there. If your dd goes to breakfast club, again, school is responsible for her feeding, and not your mil. If you educate her in school rather than yourself, can you get a dayjob instead? Thus eliminating the need for your Mil to look after your dd and feed her like she was an army of soldiers when you sleep.

The root of your problem seem to be your MIL, and I think it might be really hard to educate your mil regards diet, she will think she knows better.

Is there a specific reason you have chosen to home educate, and work nights, leaving your dd in care of mil so much? Can you arrange it differently?

I'm also quite curious as to how OP's DD is homeschooled, given that OP sleeps through three days of the week. Who teaches her and/or guides her learning process?

Think HE is shared between op and her dh, depending on shifts