Tantrums in 9yr old daughter

[Oldride]

Hi, I'm at the end of my tether on how to deal with my daughter's 9yr old rages and tantrums...when she starts there is no reasoning with her, she shouts and screams and takes us a good hr to calm her down. Most of the time is she fine, OK she gives a bit of back chat and can get a bit lippy, but other than that its tolerable, except for the 'meltdowns' as we call them. I popped into Boots today to ask if I could give her Kalms, or Quiet Life or something similar, and of course unhelpful as ever, they said No, did she have ADHD...which having just read the symptoms on line -she clearly does not - and I should see my GP - any mums out there with experiences of 9yr daughter tantrums and a solution please your ideas would be greatly appreciated......

Do you know what sets her off? If it is not getting her own way then as difficult as it is you must nt back down. However you can reason with her and use give and take - that way you meet in the middle. Whatever you do dont shout back at her. Kepp calm and repeat constantly what you want her to do ie go to her room until she calms down - once she has calmed you can then give er a punishment but explain what she did wrong as well as she may not realise. If you can be more specific about why she tantrums I may be able to help more - I teach emotional literacy at a senior school

Could she be heading towards puberty - is this a change in her behaviour or has she always been 'tantrumy'.

My DD was a bit quick to meltdown about a year before she began to show other puberty changes, and in her calmer moments we talked about her feelings etc This eventually led to her going away on her own to her room or somewhere quiet when she felt she needed the space... usually as a stomp up stairs :) .. but at least she acknowledged that the feelings were not easily controlled.

Yes, I have a feeling it is puberty related, no she never really had tantrums when she was a toddler, they have only been in the last 6 months - I've bought her a book called "what is happening to my body" and we have been reading and giggling about it together, trying to help her understand.....its just so hard to know how best to deal with it - but thanks for your advice.

If she starts a meltdown, she needs to go to her room until she calms herself down. Don't ever get drawn into an argument with her as it will just exacerbate things. Keep boundaries firm and consistent and concentrate on the lovely behaviour, rather than the negative. It is normal behaviour.

The problem I have with this is, if we put her in her room and maybe let her calm down we get accused of ignoring her and walking away, which exacerbates the situation evenmore.