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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Advice on getting 11 week old to settle... Any appreciated!

17 replies

Bellechops · 12/07/2011 09:28

hi, first post on here and I'm after a bit of advice on how we can settle our 11 week old. She's generally ok in the day with naps, providing I keep an eye on when she's getting 'in the zone' but after around a month of taking well to the dummy and settling on her own, we started an evening routine and putting her down between 8-9 after bath and feeding her part b4 bath then part b4 bed. However, after a week of this working really well she now doesn't want the dummy (trying to suck her thumb but can't keep it in or fall asleep whilst doing it!). Had a really tough week where it takes hours to settle her and it's really upsetting as she seems so frustrated as is tired out by the time she does drop off. Sometimes seems like wind but unlike the day when she can just drift off she seems to get really worked up. She will typically sleep 6-7 hrs and then up once for feed but as with putting to bed, what was once an easier settling process in the night she's now finding it tough to re-settle in the night. I'm probably expecting too much but I'm just keen to keep trying things to help her settle as I feel like I'm missing something.

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SarBearBean · 12/07/2011 13:42

Hi, I was speaking to my cousin about this the other day and she said that 'sleep training' really works wonders. Babies need to be trained in terms of their sleeping and eating habits in order to develop structure and maintain a routine. This will in turn provide you with more time for sleep and relaxation enabling you to perform better as a mother. Don't let your baby sleep for too long during the day so that they're more likely to sleep through the night. You'll need to work hard to keep them awake and active at intervals throughout the day in order to achieve this but it will be well worth it. Hope this helps!

EauRouge · 12/07/2011 13:55

I would read up on sleep training before you do it, it's fairly polarising and a lot of people do not recommend it for babies under 6 months. Babies do not 'need' to be trained, they do not 'need' a routine, it is parental preference.

What you're describing sounds pretty normal for an 11 week old. In fact, sleeping for 6-7 hours is a pretty long time for that age! Sometimes they go through periods where they are fussy due to growth spurts or developmental changes. You just have to adapt and go with the flow, just when you've sussed it out they go and change again Are you BF or FF?

Original poster

Bellechops · 12/07/2011 14:17

Thanks both. I'm still bf and she gets really uncomfy after feeds with wind so a vibrating chair we've got has been great at getting bowel movements post feed! So I've fed her, used the 'pooh chair' then done a bath, change/wind down and tended to put her back on the boob b4 trying to settle her but she's not very happy with it at the moment. Also starting to impact naps as gain won't settle now- have to walk with her, rock etc- which is fine as not wishing her to grow up and b in perfect routine as still small but we had a tough few early weeks with wind/colic and feel we've regressed! Plus we're finding it hard to cope once she's kicked off as she seems so inconsolable. I know that's just part of the deal tho so I'm being a bit highly strung!!

OP posts:

EauRouge · 12/07/2011 14:34

How is she when she's feeding?

Original poster

Bellechops · 12/07/2011 14:58

She's pretty good, always has fed well and has put on weight steady. Just seems to be getting miserable more often. I guess I need to ride it out and keep trying different things to settle her before she knows what works for her. Just have had quite a few people tell me she needs to settle herself and to just put her down... Which is easier said than done as I can't leave her getting upset whilst she's so small!

OP posts:

EauRouge · 12/07/2011 15:15

I've always found it tough hearing a baby cry too. There's nothing wrong with picking her up if you want to, she won't get into any bad habits or anything.

I think teaching them to self-settle is a load of old bobbins anyway. DD1 is a classic high needs child whereas DD2 will happily fall asleep on her playmat without any help from me. Both have been treated in exactly the same way, I think it just depends on the child.

Has she ever had any reflux or colic type problems?

Original poster

Bellechops · 12/07/2011 15:24

Yep bit of colic... Well, what we thought was colic and use infacol but may try coalif as altho a faff to deliver I hear it's good. With ur first did u have to work harder to settle at night too or just nap times? My LO had been dropping if nicely with a bit of help on playmate, sofa etc but has suddenly stopped it, frustrating!

OP posts:

TheBluthCompany · 12/07/2011 16:49

I came across recently - no idea if it really works but could be worth a go.

My DS has recently started finding it really hard to settle again, and he's 5 months. Their needs change and personally I would go with it as much as possible. I certianly wouldnt try to 'train' a baby to sleep or self-settle. For whatever reason they need you to comfort them more, not less. Good luck!

EauRouge · 12/07/2011 16:56

You could also try the magic baby hold.

With DD1 it is still a struggle to get her to sleep sometimes. She's so active, she doesn't want to stop even at night. I have taken to long forced marches nature walks to burn up some of her energy. Lots of fresh air and exercise does her good, have you tried taking your DD for a spin around the block in a sling or pram?

Original poster

Bellechops · 12/07/2011 18:12

Eaurouge, walks/march sound good! Yeah we get out at least once a day with the pram and often in evenings. Last night we went for an hr, she dozed then we bathed, fed etc and she was awful, but i think when we've had days where we've been busy and often out and about )ie not much time spent doing the usual feed/change/play at home, she's been better. Trying to run with it- so if she looks ready earlier we try and do things to suit her, last night we did things to aim to settle at 9 but at 10.30 when she finally went..it was exhausting. Thanks bluthcompany, good to know it's not just me and these things happen, just keen to try different things.. Agree training at this stage may not work, just sleep associations and some winding down seems like a good start in making the day/night clear. Sat with her right now and she's enjoying the dummy... I think until she's mastered how to suck her thumb it may b the key!! Worked so well b4 she started trying to ram her hand in her mouth! Fingers crossed for a happier baby tonight.

OP posts:

MoonFaceMamaaaaargh · 12/07/2011 19:57

good advice from eaurouge (as ever)

Webrobbo · 15/07/2011 23:42

We found the sound of the shower against the shower curtain helped settle DD at similar age and older. It was enough to zone her out and allow her to relax or drop off. We'd put carry cot next to bath sometimes. Just watched the Dr. Karp clip, hadn't heard of him but would agree with swaddling, helps in our experience (although talked out of it by a midwife when DD was 2 weeks before realised you don't take all the advice you're given!). The "shushing" sounds like the shower does and seems to have similar effect. Dummy also great for us with DD (only used for night time settling). With DS, 11weeks, who struggles with wind we're using dummy more, plus sometimes putting down on side, using infacol and bed sharing after last feed of day (DH in spare room) and he settles no problem (touch wood!). Agree with others and you that sleep training not required at this stage. We tried this with DD and quickly stopped as wasn't right for one so little, just felt wrong. I hope this phase passes quickly for you.

Webrobbo · 15/07/2011 23:43

OnEdge · 16/07/2011 00:12

EauRouge ! You talk such sense. I have 3, and they have all been treated similarly and all sleep very differently. My youngest could not resist her cheek and temple being gently stroked with the end of a shoelace it shows how desperate we must have been to have discovered that

sophe29 · 17/07/2011 14:44

11 weeks is a tough age especially if she is trying to be a thumb sucker but hasnt the strength or coordination to do it yet. DD did this for ages till she finally found it.
Can I suggest putting her to bed earlier?
There seems to be a really fine line between "ready to sleep" and being "too tired to fall asleep" with some kids. Often its not even obvious they are sleepy.
Its possible she is already in the slightly overtired stage and then getting het-up trying to fall asleep. I know it sounds crazy but it really works with my two. Putting her to bed alert but calm is much better than sleepy but already fretful.
x

sophe29 · 17/07/2011 14:45

ps. It might only need to be 5-10 minutes earlier. My kids go to sleep at 7 and some days I just know getting them down by 6.45 makes bedtime so much easier!

JazzieJeff · 18/07/2011 10:16

Hi! Didn't want to read and run, so thought I'd add my own little pearls of nothin' wisdom

Have you tried starting the bedtime routine earlier? DS goes to bed at 5:30 some nights, even if he has had a nap in the afternoon... and he's 9 months! some kids just need more.

We swaddled until he was about 5 months IIRC, you can get specially made ones from most baby stores, or just a good length of stretchy t shirt type material. I always found he was calmer with his hands across his chest IYSWIM. No idea why!

He also went through a stage for about 2/3 months at about this age when, dead on 4:57pm (I shit you NOT), he would scream. And scream. And scream... I used to have to bring his evening bottle forward to 4:45 if I was to have a hope in hell of getting him to drink it. Then, very little stimulation from thereon in. Low lights, and he used to lay on his play mat and watch Blue Planet on the Eden channel (something about the blueness of it chilled him out... people say stuff about not letting your kids watch TV when they're so small. Honestly, when he was at this age I couldn't have given a damn. He was happy - so was I!), before starting his bath about 6ish, then the rest of his bottle to top him up and down. Baths tire them out so much, DS could never manage more than 10 minutes at that age.

onedge

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