How do I handle DS behaviour, he is driving us mad.

[manicmummyonadietcokebreak]

long story, but before 27th feb, he was a joy, he had his issues ( never been a good sleeper and toilet training was nightmare) but then, his dad left us and told him it was my fault, then within a week he had a new sister ( he was the baby) now he is the only boy in the house ( ex p always made life girls against boys!) and I'm sure he feels like the odd one out. And let las few months ive been so deprested i just cry 24/7. Every day is a new battle, temper tantrums so bad the neighbours knock to see if everything is alright, as it's/was out of character, if you try and ignor him he screams sooo loud, you can't anymore, this is worse around 4 in the morning or it's when I get the baby to sleep. He insists on me doing everything for him or he screams, from wiping his bum to passing his drink and picking up his duvet if it falls off. Again worse if dealing with the baby. He insists the tv is paused why he goes to the loo, even when ad break and many other things. But the worse thing is that he is becoming very violent :( he regularly squeezes the cats so much they have bitten him, and our 8 yo cat has only ever bitten me one in her whole life, so that must have hurt her. And he bit the baby on Friday! She was on her play mat and he dived at her, sort of growling and bit her hand so hard it swelled up and still has brusied teeth marks :( I really feel for him, he tells me he wants to live with his dad, but he wont even have him over night, but he is making my dd1 (11 yo) lives he'll, she can't sleep and is mad at him all the time and this in turn makes him act up.
He has just turned 4.

First of all, you sound like you have a lot on and could do with some help. Is that possible? Do you have friends or family near by who could come and help out a bit? New babies and siblings are tricky at the best of times but it sounds like he thinks everything is stacked against him.

That said, my DS became a little horror at about 4 - I think 3 1/2 - 4 1/2 is a really hard age - they're not toddlers, we expect them to behave so much better but they are still so little, and get so, so tired and try their best to understand an often difficult, challenging world. Going through a similar thing with my 2nd one. So, age is a big factor I would say. And they do tend to regress a bit, esp at this time of year I find, and this will be double the case for you cause he's not the baby anymore. The new baby is probably (rightly) getting more attention and that's hard for him, esp given your circumstances. I know you know all of this, but I just wanted you to also know that it's pretty normal. And it will be a phase.

But please don't beat yourself up about it - I would try to be consistent and kind. So hard when you're tired and sad yourself, I know. Why not try and make some fun for both of you, nice day out or tea somewhere? It sounds like you both need a lot of TLC - you can definitely make things calm for him again but you might need a bit of help doing it. If someone could help you with the girls for an hour or two, you could concentrate on him, give him some quality time...?

Not sure this is of any help - but wanted to say hi and hope you're ok and get some rest and calm soon.