5 year old says he wants to die !!

[ocdgirl]

my ds hates school so much that he has said a couple of times now he wants to die !! i do explain to him that it's not a nice way to talk and point out how he would miss out out on all the things he loves doing.

I think the main problem is that he has anger problems and keeps getting into trouble at school, this is lowering his self esteem (I believe he suffers low self esteem anyway as he is adopted and feels rejected) I feel the school is really letting him down and jumping on every little thing he does, yet he comes home with a big bump and scrape on his head and they have no idea how it happened (I do another boy pushed him into a tree) even though my son must of cried this other child didn't have to stand by the wall and miss his playtime (i can guarantee my son would of had to even if it was an accident)

I know my son has problems and does need a lot of support and i know that sometimes just like every other reception age child he can be a challenge but it can't always be his fault can it ?

Bumping this for you ,becuse we all need support when we are mums of the very young , going out to school.

Hi I worked with boys like your son who come from LAC backgrounds or suffer from EBD and it seems to me that these issues never get picked up on early enough and are much harder to address later on. It sounds like the school need a proper strategy in place to deal with his behavioural problems bearing in mind his emotional background. It needs to stop being an issue of blame and any bullying toward him must be monitored and stopped because children with low self esteem are such an easy target for other children. I would also say that my own son is five and it infuriates me how often he comes home with a bumped head which the staff are clueless about. I work with much more resilient 11-16 year olds and if they are injured I call their families before they go home. Its common sense! Hope your son starts to settle and remember the first year at a new school can be a very unsettled transition.

I could've written your post! My dd isn't adopted but does have ADHD she is 7. She hates school and is blamed for everything and is so distressed her hair is coming out and she is picking her skin so much it bleeds. Thankfully we have got her in a fab new school from September which she loves. The next few weeks of old school wil be a slog though. Not much advice except try and get the school on board and if you can't it may be worth looking for a better one as my dds self esteem is rock bottom now and it's not nice x

Take his expression that he wants to die as a sign that he is seriously unhappy at school and that the school is not meeting his needs. the school needs to be supporting your son with positive strategies to manage his anger and cope in the school environment, and they need to do it in a way that does not negatively label him, as he is likely to 'absorb' that negative label (see 'labelling theory') and begin to believe himself as 'bad' and act accordingly. So how the school handles this behaviour is not just important in how he feels right now (although that is very very important) but how he feels about himself and school in the future.
First thing to do is to request a school meeting with his year head / headteacher and his class teacher and find out what strategies they are using. Discuss with them how your son is feeling and your concern about the negative labelling of his behaviour. Request that they put in place a support plan for your child, with a future review date where you all meet again.
If when you then meet again things are no better request intervention from an education psychologist, or possibly a change of school.
This needs to be taken very seriously - your son is telling you how he feels. Good luck.

The other thing that I strongly recommend is that you work with your son on him learning how to talk about how he is feeling with you on a daily basis and learn how to express his feelings in more appropriate ways. Have a look on Amazon at books that might help e.g This This Or this
It's vital that he learns how to express his feelings in an ok way. Also the adults around him need to be demonstrating by their own actions positive ways of expressing feelings and resolving conflict.

thanks for your replies, there's quite a bit for me to think about. First i am going to request a meeting with his new teacher before september and hopefully we can prevent a repeat of this year and i am also going to request the help of ss as i think he is maybe having trouble understanding his feelings around his adoption

Sounds like he has a lot going on emotionally, if he is struggling with feelings around his adoption and struggling in school.
How about seeing if you can source some play therapy for him to help him work through his feelings? Your local CAMHS might be able to offer this....you could discuss with your GP.

My 8 yo DD is not adopted, not diagnosed with any behaviour related problems (although I suspect there is something going on), and she has had times where she has been really sad, and talked of dying & self harmed. We asked for support, and got none. But time seemed to help, although she still swings in and out of those dark moments. If I were you I would push for support from the school, and speak to your GP about spport too.