4.1 yo DD won't wipe her own bottom

[Noomininoo]

My DD1 will be starting school in September & in preparation for this we're trying to get her more independent in going to the toilet by herself. The problem is that, although she will quite happily go by herself all she will do is sit down, wee, pull her pants up again & toddle off. No wiping, no flushing no washing hands

When she's only had a wee she will (reluctantly) do all these things if we are stood over her telling her to do them (which kinda goes against the point of trying to get her to do it all by herself). When she's had a poo, however, she will just outrightly refuse to wipe her bottom at all & will insist that we do it.

We've tried just about everything we can think of; turning it into a game, being playful about it (eg singing silly songs about it), peer pressure ("your best friend X can wipe her own bottom"), threats ("You won't be able to go to school if you can't wipe your own bottom") and bribery ("If you wipe your own bottom you can have a chocolate"). The only one thats given us even a tiny bit of success is the bribery (as DD1 is a real chocoholic just like her Mum! ) but even then its only usually after a 20 minute argument/negotiation with her whilst she's sat on the toilet whinging & being stubborn (again - another thing she gets from her Mum ).

So - any tips on:

a) getting her to reliably wipe, flush & wash hands by herself when she's had a wee?
b) getting her to wipe her bottom when she's had a poo?

Thanks x

Forgot to mention - she's recently just had a urine infection which I'm convinced was caused by her poor toileting skills.

Also - as a bit of background - she was a bit of a nightmare to potty train. We took her out of nappies when she was 2.10 yo (after several unsuccessful earlier attempts) but was still having regular (almost daily) accidents until she was about 3.8 yo. Even now we still get the (very) occassional accident & she's nowhere near being dry at night yet (pull up saturated every morning)

Any advice gratefully received...

When DS turned 7 , we told him that we were absolutely not going to wipe his bottom for him any more.

He's never been a fan of doing a poo at school, but he managed well enough when he had to. 4.1 is very young.

Dont really have any advice about how to get her to wipe her own bottom but my son is nearly 6 and is in Reception and at home, we still wipe his bottom for him. He does it himself at school but never good enough and always has some in his pants or on his bottom when he gets back from school.

Could you try a reward/sticker system for wiping her own bottom as an incentive?

Star xx

MY DD is 5.1 and is only just successfully wiping at the back.

A year at school has forced the issue, but untill recently she wasn't doing such a clean job and was getting sore in front where she hadn't wiped enough.

We've convinced her to say when she's sore so we can put cream on, otherwise she won't wee 'cos it hurts'

TBH I think it's a developmental thing, your DC isn't the only one going through this, but most parents don't talk about it.