My 2 year old as good as flicks the Vs at any attempts of authority

[hensky]

Hello, I am new here :)

I was wondering if anyone could kindly offer advice....

My 2 year old is a head-strong little bugger. She bullies her older sister (4) and laughs in the face of authority. I can put on my most terrifying voice (if she has done something really naughty), and it's like water off a ducks back. Today she pinched her sister really hard and made her yell out in pain and then sob. When I asked her to apologise she defiantly said 'NO' and tottered off. Two seconds later she reappeared and did the same thing again.

I have tried all the usual things: naughty step (she is too young and just heads upstairs laughing); taking away her beloved comforter, to which she announces that she didn't like it anyway, etc etc.

What can you do with a 2 year old, who mocks you, laughs at you, terrorises her sister, and doesn't give a flying f@@k?!

She is an adorable child, she is charming, and gorgeous (without getting all mushy on you) And it tears me apart when I have to tell her off - so I wonder, as she doesn't listen anyway, whether or not to bother? What other approaches might work? I need help!

4 year old was easy with discipline in comparision - any threat to take away a treat, or trip to the playground, and she would happily tow the line.

Hmmm....my 2 year old is equally as headstrong as your dd. I don't use a naughty step, but put him in another room and close the door, leaving him there for two minutes. If he doesn't want to say sorry he Stays there for another two minute, and so on until less defiant. It's so much harder when we're out and about because that is the only 'disciplinary' technique I've found that gets a response from him. He can't be reasoned with...yet! It's SO difficult!

Sounds like my 3yo. She is an absolute nightmare at the moment and doesn't give a toss what discipline you use. It's all a big joke. We've tried everything. I've got to the stage where I can't stand being with her now and that's not good. Don't know what else to do. Lurking for suggestions.

MrsSharp, great you have found something that works at home tho? - i am not sure that would work for mine - she would find some mischief while in there...

Are your little rogues second children? - i believe the theory that second children are monsters!

I hate shouting, specially when it is fruitless.

I'm jooining in here! M 3 year old is the same!! She has NO fear and only very rarely get's upset at being told off. She picks on her 6 year old sister and defies me....it's a shock as older DD is so good...like yours hensky she says NO and walks away when told to apologise. But she is very kind and friendlly and charming at other times! Also very bright....is yours? I think bright kids can be hard to manage...

I have tried putng her in another room nand she walks out...I have tried stickers and points...with treats to be earned...she says "don't want it anyway!"

Im waiting for any advice! Thanks for starting this thread Op...hope youdon't mind me hijacking....I'll just listen in!

As an ex nanny, C.M, mum of 3 and yr 1 and nursery teacher .I think comparing D.Cs is not helpful, they're all different. IME 2 and 3 yr. olds are 'testing the water' as you say their brains have not grown enough to understand a lot of things.

just because they talk and walk it's easy to forget how young they actually are so they can't be held morally responsible for their actions.

You just have to supervise them all the time when you know they're tired or hungry and likely to be 'grumpy'. it's an idea to give a plate of fruit to eat (involve them in the preparation ) and talk quietly about fairness to the sibling. That is very important because the older one must know that you are being fair to them .Maybe say to them to tell you when things are about to blow up but don't rely on them and don't reward unkind tale telling IYSWIM.

Another idea is to have a large pad of recyled paper for 2 and 3 yr olds to sit down with you and draw and 'write', they love constructive attention.

ppeatfruit....but surely my 3 year od knows spitting is wrong? She has been told so anumber of times...and s has done it when she is angry...so she knows its a way to get a reaction.

She's testing you isn't she? it's not personal so it's best not to over react ! If you give attention for only that then she may do it more (I like the' ignore the "bad' behaviour if poss. and reinforce the good 'even the small things' philosophy ) I tend to pick my battles or find a more manipulative!! way to get a 3 yr old to do what is required

For example when it's time to get dressed leave plenty of time and get the DC to dress her doll as well so it's a game and or make a story up about a little girl who liked to wear only flowers or whatever, rather than "YOU WILL GET DRESSED NOW" I don't like being talked to like that and nor do DCs.

I really like ppeatfruits approach, I wish i could do that but when you are feeling stresed its hard to not just yell.