Please tell me this is all normal toddler behaviour (lie if nec....h

[Hunteragain]

Hello. I'm having a bit if a crisis of confidence. My DD is 20 months old and seems to have reached the terrible twos already. For example:

• has a complete breakdown over the most minor of things. Eh wants a banana, I don't have a banana etc... Crying fit. Throwing herself on the floor etc.

• seems unable to get on with other children her age. She just screams 'noooooooo' at them.

She seems so strong willed. I'm utterly exhausted by the end of the day. This morning we went to a group which was aimed at age 2 and all the other children were sitting silently listening to a story. My dd wouldn't sit quietly and wanted to run in circles round the room. We were asked to leave. Seriously! 2 year olds sitting in silence. What have I done wrong?!?

That's normal ! And no I'm not lying.
Definitely think at this age you have to choose your battles, and distract when it comes to things like banana tantrums. Try to get the distraction in before it all kicks off, but if it does just stand there, ignoring the show. It does pass quicker that way, I find.
Also at this age they don't tend to interact with each other, unless it's to lay claim to each others toys.
It's exhausting all right. Even though my just 2 year old is dropping her nap (WHHHHYYYYY!!!!), I put her up in her cot for quiet time every day after lunch. Or else I'd lose it.
Don't be embarrassed about the baby group thing. Next time your DD will be the quiet little cherub while someone else charges around.

there's no point in getting embarrassed about their behaviour - you may as well be embarrassed because your new born did a dirty nappy. No particularly pleasant but totally normal and developmentally necessary.
You may think I am acting like I have it all sorted. I don't - we're just in a lull at the mo so I can MN.

yy, normal. IME the 'terrible twos' start at about 18 months (with a big bang of tantrums and 'willfulness') and begin to wear off at about 2 1/2.

Such fun . This too shall pass.

Firstly. It sounds normal to me. At that age they don't really play with other children. Might follow them round, but not really play with. Yes, not having a banana can be devistating. They do grow out of that.
If the group was aimed at 2yrs, then you've got 4 months before she's there. They change fast at this age. She may sit there nicely when she's 2.
You haven't done anything wrong anyway.
My dd1 would sit through anything from a year, weddings, theatre etc. she would sit with a lift the flap book, or stickers and not move. She would have been sitting down beautifully at the group you describe at any age.
Dd2 probably wouldn't have sat at 18-20 months, if it had caught her interest she probably would have sat through stories she liked from about 20-22 months. If she hadn't found it interesting then she would have found something more interesting to do. Like running round the room.
Ds I think would probably sit still and listen to a story in this sort of context at round about 3yo. If I was sitting with him and keeping his interest on it. At 2yo he wouldn't have stopped to listen to it long enough to see if he found it interesting.
They're all different. Try again in a few months time, and you may find that she sits happily. If she doesn't then find something that suits her more like music or running round in the park.

Oh yes, totally normal. DD started her "terrible twos" at just passed 1, and is now 3.2 and still going. She is getting better though, and we have coping/calming strategies that really help

You will learn what works for you and your DC. And please don't think there is something wrong just because everyone else was sat quietly - having a curious mind is a GOOD thing, I wouldn't want a DC that just sat all the time

All very normal behaviour. All children are different though and some are more wilfull than others. This has nothing to do with parenting skills just personalty.
Find a group that is more supportive as things can be pretty intense with this kind of dynamic and you'll need people to smile and tell you it's OK! (perhaps talk to the group leader first about how hard you are finding things)

Totally normal. We get the banana tantrums too, as I have the audacity to restrict him to one a day

Yes, normal, dd is like this too. She had a tantrum on the way home as she wanted to be out of th pram but didnt want to walk she wanted me to carry her and her lean over and push the pram which just doesnt work! She ended up screaming all the way home.

from dropping ds off at school this morning that is!

Thanks so much for the replies. Really good to feel like this is normal (I was asked twice yesterday if my little girl was ok....resisted urge to say oh go f off). I think you are right - another group is what's needed. Or maybe try again after the summer. Thanks again. You have really cheered me up.

Just another voice in the 'normal' camp!
DD is 2.3 and has been a 'terrible two' since about 1 1/2! She won't sit down and listen at story time in the library (she'd rather run around or read her own book!) and when we go to tumble tots and the like she wants to go on the apparatus immediately and gets cross when she can't. She is improving each week though.
I would start with groups with a more active focus and a little bit of structure before going to the 'sitting down' groups - this is what we've done and she seems to be getting the hang of the structure and being told what to do.
On the plus side, she is very independent, friendly and chatty, although her friendliness with other children mostly consists of running around squealing with them! :)

The only thing not normal in your post is the bit about the group and being asked to leave

A group of 2 year olds all sitting down nicely listening to a story? Are you sure......? I agree that's the only thing I found odd about the situations you described in your post!

And how mean to ask you to leave!

Oh no, it's not normal, I mean my almost-two-year-old never has tantrums... ahahaha.

I need to get my MIL to understand this though - she seems to have entirely forgotten what toddlers are like.

Bet the other 2-year olds had been tranquilised, then glued to the carpet......

"Bet the other 2-year olds had been tranquilised, then glued to the carpet......"

ROFL!

I get banana tantrums too and DD is 19 mo. I posted in this forum when DD was 14 mo saying 'she's having tantrums already! WTF?' and got everyone saying, "yep, welcome to the world of toddlerhood..."

Totally normal. IMO the 'terrible twos' is a total misnomer - it's the six months before they're two and the six months after that are trickiest.

My 20 month old DS sounds very similar to your DD. He will not sit still or 'comply' with activities unless he is in the right mood. When i joined our music group i spoke to the organiser and explained this to them. She was really understanding and is quite happy for DS to run around the room banging on the radiators while the other kids sit in a circle and sing songs. Even though the other mums have openly agreed that DS is usually the worst behaved child at the group I feel really comfortable being there because they knew what they were getting before we joined.
Your DD is developing personality. The last thing you want to do is surpress that, so I suggest looking for a more accepting group instead.

My daughter would have sat still to listen to a story but my son won't. I think the group were expecting too much! Best to take them to things that suit their interests.

"2 year olds sitting in silence. What have I done wrong?!?"

What you did wrong was taking her to a group where toddlers are supposed to sit still - that is Not Normal

My ds is 20 months in a few days. He is very much like your dd, always on the go. I am assured by friends irl that it is entirely normal. Ds1 was clearly not normal, because he wasn't like this at all. Or maybe I blocked that bit out

DD was a nightmare at 20 months- now at 2.5 she's much better. She can communicate much better, therefore I'm able to reason with her and also she's slowly learning sharing, empathy etc. Seriously it'll pass in less than a year.

DD2 just started having tantrums at 17 months - pretty low level so far, but that was how it started for DD1.... It really is normal, and depending on circumstances I either try to distract or ignore. There is a certain satisfaction in stepping over the child as she lies on the floor screaming .

Children at toddler groups DO NOT generally sit quietly in my experience. My children can sit quietly when motivated to do so; but to expect it, and to ask you to leave is, IMHO, extremely harsh.

Being strong willed can turn into a fantastic quality as she gets older, so comfort yourself as she screams, that she will one day be a strong, confident individual with her own opinions. I keep telling myself it will happen, it will.....

I think it's a normal phase that they (hopefully) grow out of. DS is 18 months and very hard work. He also shouts no at other children and pushes them away from toys etc. When I tell him off he lies on the floor to have a tantrum. Glad I'm not the only one with an unruly toddler!

Shocked they asked you to leave!
Your dd sounds spirited and has lots of energy, nothing wrong with that :)

My dd1 would shout 'go awayyyyy' to all who spoke to me or her

Dd1 now 3 and has lots of friends, I have taught (tried) her to say no thank you when she doesn't want to speak to someone.

I recommend activites to burn off her energy and activites to develop her focus like puzzles or books.

You will have a wonderful daughter by the sounds of it!