Please help me get some perspective on this - DS1 at pre-school

[Alibabaandthe80nappies]

DS1 (2.11) started preschool this term. He goes two afternoons a week and seems to have a great time, he always goes rushing off happily and often asks to go on days when he isn't there.

On Monday, he came home with lots of scratches on his arms and so I asked him what had happened, had he fallen over. He wasn't very forthcoming, and said something about him having scratched someone but I couldn't get anymore out of him.

Today I asked one of the staff about it, because if he's attacking other children then I want to know so we can reinforce gentle behaviour at home. Now this is the bit that has upset me.
Apparently he goes rushing up to the other children, huge smile and tries to hug them, and they don't like it so they push him away, hence the scratching. :(

I know he needs to learn about appropriate behaviour etc etc, but he is so little and it breaks my heart to think that I need to try and alter his lovely spontaneous nature already and teach him to be more reserved. I am also :( that he is being pushed away by the other children rather than making friends.

I know I am being ridiculous, but he is my PFB. Please help me pull myself together about it.

Hi Ali
Your poor ds
I don't know what to say, but saw your name on the thread and wanted to come and give my support.
Hope you're ok.

I suspect it's part of him learning about social boundaries,if preschool think they can cope & guide him, then let them (they are on duty, you are off (let yourself be off-duty)).

Thanks Silvery

peanut - you are right, and they aren't worried about him at all, they said he is learning but he is very little - the youngest there I think.
But that then makes me worry about him starting school, because he will be one of the youngest there too and will it be the same?

Argh.

Hi Ali

I'm sorry that this is happening to your DS. However, I can speak from the other perspective as I have a petite 3 yr old girl who is quite "shy" and has a definate sense of her own personal space. She really doesn't like to give kisses and cuddles and does get upset when some of the huggier children approach her. She has never AFAIK scratched another child but she might bat/push them away gently. Her usual response would be to hide her face and run off though or grab hold of me/keyworker.

Perhaps all you can do at this stage is say that you love kisses and cuddles but some children don't like them as much. At this age I think most children are still too young to make proper friends so please don't take it personally.

No need to make him more reserved as I'm sure plenty of people, family etc enjoy his lovely cuddles.

It sounds as though it hasn't put him off, if he is still rushing in and enjoying his time there! My DS1 is very affectionate too, but also still quite dribbly - so his advances are often not appreciated! It hasn't made him any less cuddly with me and the rest of his family and I know that he has friends with whom he will hold hands etc at preschool, but I suppose he does have to learn about other people's personal space and this is the beginning.
They have obviously not mentioned it as it isn't seen as an issue, it's something they deal with every day. I'm sure they are not telling him that he shouldn't be affectionate at all. I'm not sure you need to say anything to him, just show him that his cuddles and kisses are always, always appreciated by you.

Thanks everyone :)

When I went to pick him up yesterday his keyworker said he'd been really good, and as we were crossing the road another little boy came over to say goodbye so that has made me feel better.

I know I shouldn't get upset about it but DH and I were both bullied at school and I would love for the boys to have a smoother ride.

Ah that explains a lot, you are probably projecting some of your negative feelings about school and making friends onto the situation. I do the same as I had a hard time at school and am very shy so am always worried whether or not my daughter likes nursery and when I think she doesn't want to go some days, it's my anxiety that rises as I think it reminds me of school.

I'm sure it will all work out fine.

Dont forget that some of the older ones will be starting school soon, they could be nearly 5. Thats a bit size difference from little 2.11s.

Just thinking how my great big tree trunk of a 4.6 year old DS could react.

Yes, I am projecting for sure

Moving - you are right, some will be nearly 2 years older than him won't they, and with nearly 2 full years of pre-school behind them? I hadn't thought about it like that. I thought some of the other children seemed huge!

Thank you all, it has been a huge help to talk this through.