5 going on 13!!

[Jezabelle]

My just 5 year old is fiesty by nature but is also very caring and quite sensitive. Over the past few weeks she's been really tired, because of school I think. I know she's anxious about moving up to year 1, (she has a lovely reception teacher and the yr1 teacher is a bit . . . um. . . grumpy!)

She has started making a wierd noise at the back of her throat loads. Like an anxiety related habit I think. But, the main reason I'm posting is that she just yells at me quite a lot at the moment. Ie, she's cut her finger and I ask her to wash it and she'll just go off on one yelling that it hurts and I shouldn't make her do it and it's not fair etc. She's a bright girl and understands that I am asking her to wash it for her own good. It's like she gets incredably angry and emotional all the time.

I find the way she talks to me unacceptable and try to keep calm. I will warn her that she will have to go to her room to think about things if she talks to me like that again. This rarely makes a difference and I do follow up with sending her to her room. I find it really upsetting to see her so distressed but find her behaviour and attitude so rude and unpleasant.

Any suggestions??

Ahhh, sounds horribly familiar I'm afraid. Perfectly normal if my girls and their friends are anything to go by. I use a 'zero-tolerance' approach sending her for a time out for example) and follow it up when all is calm with an explanation about treating those we love kindly etc. My two respond very well to consistantly applied behaviour charts in which good behaviour is praised as often as possible, but they do have to be rigorously followed in my experience. It helps them to focus on exactly what behaviour you are trying to change, you can even ask them for help in drawing up the rules. Good luck, it does calm down a bit...

My son made that weird noise too when he was about 7 after stressful event in family. Lasted for months, drove me insane, wss convinced he must have growth in his throat. Gp, schoolteacher, everyone told me to ignore, don't comment - v difficult - but you know he just stopped overnight.

My kids are both fiery and also speak to me like that....but not to DH.

DH works away all week so he's not here to back me up and they know because they wear me down, I might give in. I try not to but it's very hard.

I tend to do the 1,2,3, then punishment (if I get to three, you won't watch tv tomorrow) type thing. Then when they're calm, I talk to them and try to explain why they've upset me.

With your dd, I would perhaps just ignore her a bit when she's screaming;at five yrs, they hate to be ignored.