Verbally aggressive 4 year old

[Kaz33]

My 4 year old DS1 is so aggressive. He is very vocal and bossy, always telling people what to do. This I can deal with but he is so rude to everyone - especially other children, he calls them yeuch and is always telling me that he doesn't like such and such.

We have a disruptive few years and he hasn't had any settled playmates that he has known since year dot. As such I think that he is finding the social side of school confusing. Now we are settled and he is in a great school.

He goes on about one boy all the time but I am not sure that they are even friends. I have invited him over for a playdate next week to try and help DS1's social life.

But I am very confused. How do I help him settle down? Do I make a big deal of his behaviour, do I ignore it? Have tried both, admittedly not consistencly.

I think some degree of verbal aggression is normal for four-year-olds (boys at least). My DS1 has a pretty stable social life, friends he's had for years. He still greets kids, old and new, with "Hello poopyhead!". It seems to be a bonding thing for boys of this age, using "abusive" words.

I wouldn't make any fuss about this behaviour. They change friends a lot at this age - DS1 is forever telling good friends of his (who he has over lots) that they're not his friend any more. He's not hitting or biting or pushing, right?

Have friends over, and encourage the less violent friendships - we have girls over a lot, as I think some of his male friends are bad influences on him (and he is a bad influence on them, too).

No biting or hitting. He is a great confident little boy who loves school and is doing really well considering he is the youngest in his class.

I think because I found school difficult on the social side I get parnoid as soon as I see DS1 not "conforming".

Ignore it, ignore it, ignore it - will be my mantra. Praise and rewards for good behaviour, being polite to people?

Exactly.

I'd also focus more on interactions with adults, or other kids who aren't being verbally aggressive, IYSWIM.

Playdates are always a good idea.