Attacking other children...help.

[LadyPen]

My DS two and half years old shouts loudly 'I DO NOT SHARE'. I understand that at this age sharing of toys is not foremost, he has a large collection of animals and god help anyone who goes near them. I can deal with that and I thankfully other mums also understand when their little one runs to them crying because that little boy screamed at them or more often than not 'roared' at them. Sorry and cuddle later and all is well again. But lately he has been physical with other children, grabing them, pushing and pulling, jumping on them, pushing them over etc. Only children his size or smaller, never older children. I am mortified and apologise profusely, other mums are great but I am nervous about taking him where there are other children. I am a SAHM, he does not have much experience of other children, except one morning a week swimming, which is where the trouble is. Would nursery be a good idea? Does he need to be around children more? HELP or I fear I will never leave the house again!!! Thanks to all :)

I personally would get him more interaction with other children.

If you take him to a nursery and make them aware of the problem they will make sure it is nipped in the bud.

You really need to sort this before he starts school and at his age nursery is a really good idea as they will keep him stimulated all day, which even if you are super-mom you can't possibly do when you have a house to look after.

He will get free hours anyway won't he?

My DS was like this at that age and for quite a few years afterwards .

2.5 yrs is such a classic age for this sort of behaviour and although it may feel like it sometimes, your boy is not the only child of his age to behave like this, honestly!

Don't take him into situations that you know are going to be difficult, that's my top tip. Don't bother with busy softplay centres or toddler groups. Concentrate on smaller scale social situations or on one-to-one playdates with udnerstanding parents, watch him like a hawk and intervene where possible when it looks like he is on the verge of this sort of behaviour.

The classic parenting advice on this sort of behaviour does help a lot eventually, ime. Praise every bit of good behaviour massively, even if it is just him managing ot to punch someone in the gob for 3 minutes . Make a big fuss of the kid who got whacked or is sharing well. Remove him from any situation he doesnt deal well with, tell him firmly once (getting down to hios eye leve; and looking him in the eye) when his behaviour is unacceptable. Be consistent.

I found getting a basic book on child dveelopment helped loads, too. It reminded me that this behaviour is pretty normal (even if it's not massively common), and that small children need lots of help and guidance with learning the social rules - some more than others.

Btw, my DS turned out to have Asperger's (not saying this is the case at all with you boy, not for a minute!) and this behaviour went on until he was about 5 yrs old and still erupts now and then. It can very lonely and isolating, so cultivate friendships with those who are laid back and understanding and ignore the tut-tut-tutters!

You will leave the house again!!! My thought is that he needs to be mixing much more with others and with toys that aren't his so that he doesn't be so reluctant to share. He also could be starting to be told that what he is doing is not good and that it is a good thing to share and play together. apolgies are all well and good but at two and a half he is old enough to be told his behaviour is wrong and that he shouldn't do it. the more he has experience of sharing the more normal it will become to him. try getting him to share at home with you and tell him how good he is for doing it. praise him every time he does share and try giving him things to pass to others so he learns to let go of things. It will come good luck!!xx

Thanks guys, that helps alot, pretty much what I was thinking. I will persevere :)

You need to send a clear mesg that hitting etc is not allowed. Don't make a fuss. Simply/calmly/quietly take him out of the pool and put him on the naughty spot somewhere out of sight of the others if he hits. You may need to practice this at home with other play dates first. Don't bother with warnings for hitting - take a zero tolerence approach. You can say sorry to the other child after event on your boys behalf. The main thing is to reward good and ignore bad.

In relation to toys - i never really bothered with sharing but used the term 'turn' an awful lot. 'yes you are having a turn and when you have finished your turn xxx can have a turn next'