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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DD has had a steaming mother of all tantrums tonight.

22 replies

gingerbear · 15/11/2005 22:51

She is 3, I think she was 'overtired' as my mum used to say. but I just didn't have a clue how to deal with her.
She had been to nursery (8.30am - 4.30pm, nothing unusual)- had tea at granny's house and I took her home at 7pm. She fell asleep in the car (big red alert there for a start) and I had to wake her to get her out and into the house.
the tantrum started with her not wanting to get undressed, go to the toilet, or bed, have a wash, even have a drink.
She screamed, stamped her feet and clenched her fists until she was red and sick. It took 40 minutes for her to calm down. She has had tantrums before, but never like this. She scared me. I just tried to keep calm and sat on the bed, but I wanted to cry because I truly did not know what to do.

She came to me in the end and wanted a hug and a love, and we managed a story and a song before she fell asleep still semi-sobbing.

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colditz · 15/11/2005 22:54

Ah! My ds does this if he falls asleep and has to be woken! he is 2.6. He does exactly this - is foul on waking, and then screams and is foul until he finally goes to bed.

Actually, thinkng about it, my dp is much the same.... doesn't like being woken when he hasn't been asleep long.

QueenEagle · 15/11/2005 22:55

I agree with the overtired remark. ds3 is just like this when he hasn't had a sleep during the day and then kips for a few minutes late on just when you don't want him to.

The fact she came to you for a cuddle and you had a song/story before she fell asleep shows you handled it well. I shouldn't worry too much - she will have forgotten all about it in the morning.

Original poster

gingerbear · 15/11/2005 23:01

I had to undress her and wrestle her into her nightie and insist she went to bed - it seemed to make it worse. Should I have just left her? Put her to bed in her clothes? I tried not to interact with her, but I just wanted to scoop her up and kiss her.

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colditz · 15/11/2005 23:30

Sometimes there is nothing you can do to make them feel better, they will only feel better when asleep. You handled it well. I have left ds screaming in his room before because he really didn't seem to want me there at all!

Willow2 · 15/11/2005 23:34

Sometimes just holding them really close to you (in a tight, but calm fashion) can help them unwind. But keeping calm can be mighty hard.

soapbox · 15/11/2005 23:34

You#re brave

I would never have risked waking DS if he fell asleep in the car around about bed time!

I would just carry him in dump him in bed and then wait until he was settled down again before taking off his clothes and putting on pjs while he was asleep

He was similarly bad tempered when roused!

Janh · 15/11/2005 23:44

I think if I had had a really hard day and then fell asleep in the early evening I would scream and stamp if I had to wake up and move, gb! Poor little lamb - awful for both of you but as QE said, she did get over it enough for a cuddle before she fell asleep, and now you have experienced it you know you can cope if it happens again.

(As colditz said, it is truly horrible to be woken when you have just fallen asleep - it must be some brain chemical thing.)

SugaPlum · 15/11/2005 23:50

Your not alone GB!
My son always does the same to me - especially if we've been to my sisters cos he always falls asleep on the way home which is round about dinnertime . If i can i just get him out the car and put him to bed but then when i do that it means he misses out on his dinner and wakes about 11ish really miserable!
All hell breaks loose if he falls asleep during the day and i wake him!! Doesn't bare thinking about .

Callmemadam · 16/11/2005 00:07

Gingerbear, that is an EXACT description of my dd, also 3, when she falls asleep in the car after collecting big sis at 5pm from clubs. Last night was identical. At least she had had tea! I don't have a cure, despite having had 4; sometimes I work through it as you did and wrestle with her, sometimes I have the patience (and time)to sit it out, sometimes I just lose it with her and am completley unreasonable myself!

Don't be frightened of the rage, it's more scary for her to have strong feelings and they aren't directed at you whatever she may say and do. It is a 100% nomal part of her development and will pass as she gets older!

Original poster

gingerbear · 16/11/2005 00:15

Thank you all. I felt like the worst mum in the world tonight. I will have the same potential trap tomorrow night too. I will have to keep her awake in the car on the way home.

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almost40 · 16/11/2005 04:27

If she's had her tea, I would just carry her to bed - and change what clothes you can, but don't wake her or try to get her to change herself. Another idea would be to bring her pajamas to your mum's and change her there, brush teeth, etc. and then get in the car, so that when she falls asleep - she is ready to go straight to bed. We always do this if we have a long drive around 7pm because that is when they are so tired. HTH

hub2dee · 16/11/2005 07:10

Surely you could just sleep in the car, ours ?

Sorry, it's not funny I know. I guess I have all this to look forward too. Good luck tonight ! You'll have to find a tape or CD she really hates and play it on the way home - maybe ask nursery to make sure she has a big fat nap in the PM ?

LunarSea · 16/11/2005 12:57

I just take the view that they don't really come to any great harm if they have the occasional night of sleeping in the clothes they've worn during the day!

With ds we usually find that if we do the car to bed transfer with as little disturbance as possible and then let him settle again in bed, it's isn't a problem to get him up for a wee and resettled again a bit later. Whereas if it coincides with the transfer from car to bed he'll wake properly and not want to go back to sleep.

dexter · 16/11/2005 13:33

Well done for staying calm, I think you did exactly the right thing to sit it out on the bed and be ready with cuddles when she was ready. They do say that kids have to experience all this rage etc to learn how to deal with it.

Maybe, and this is only a thought, her day was just too long. All day at Nursery is simply exhausting for a three year old anyway - then a visit to granny's, then home at 7. You might make life easier for you both if you simply take her home on nursery days? Just a thought.

Hausfrau · 16/11/2005 13:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

handlemecarefully · 16/11/2005 13:38

Ime there is bugger all you can do when they are this worked up. Any intervention seems to fail. I just leave them to it until they are physically spent

Original poster

gingerbear · 16/11/2005 14:11

thanks again.
Dexter, my plan was to pick up DD, however a fire alarm at work (I am part of emergency crew) meant I had to get my mum to give her her tea, and as DD hadn't seen her gran for over a week, she wanted to stay and play.
Usually she is home by tea-time and tucked up safely by 7.30.
Tonight she will be home early!

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dexter · 16/11/2005 14:15

I know what you mean, gingerbear, that day you just couldn't have avoided the late day for her. My son has had some really corking tantrums and I know how you feel, it really is frightening and upsetting to see them like that. I HATE it and always feel I've dealt with it badly! Have been in tears myself when he's snoring away! But as my mum has told me, it's you who's upset - they are ANGRY!

Original poster

gingerbear · 16/11/2005 20:10

Bliss tonight. Home by 5pm, tea nice and early, bed at 7.30.
Much better routine.

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hub2dee · 16/11/2005 20:47

Way to go, o de g.

Original poster

gingerbear · 16/11/2005 22:04

hub, read and digest - and have a memory like un elefant!

OP posts:

hub2dee · 17/11/2005 03:29

LOL. My turn will come !

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