Boys playdates, guns......don't want to fall out with anyone

[tryingtobemarypoppins2]

DS is 3 and I have really tried hard to avoid letting him play with guns....I just hate to see children playing with them. But lots of his friends do and so when we are at playdates I just don't know what to do. I really hate the 'Kill kill' stuff that is said, but their mums are really not that fussed....should I be more relaxed about it??

Probably. I don't like them either but guns in all their guises are out there for our kids to see. The best thing in my experience is to tell your own ild that guns are bad because real ones hurt people a lot...very badly and so playing games with them is not so nice...my DDs wre playing "guns" with their cousin erlier...as it was my house I removed the sticks they were using and said "We don't like guns..they kill people"

But mine are older...6...and that's easer to explain than to a three year old. WHy dont you try distraction?

Sorry but as a mum of 4 aged 11 to 4 it seems unavoidable!! They just love to play guns..even lego and toilet rolls can be guns. I, however, remember driving my Grandad mad being a "professional" every Sat night...never did me any harm...am a pascifist

I'm pretty relaxed about most things with mine-kids have played games of cowboys and Indians with guns and bows and arrows for years. I wouldn't get out a replica gun or anything for them to play with, but if they were using sticks/Lego etc. I'd be inclined to just let them play it out. I think the problems come in if they are seeing guns in video games or films with a high level of violence rather than just role playing with peers of a similar age

Thanks for your thoughts, the trouble is if I say anything at play dates I am going to offend the other mum. Distraction is always tried but they are so drawn to gun games!

Difficult one as i entirely agree with you and have a 7 mo DS who i will discourage from playing with guns when he's older. I think i've resolved to make my feelings known to him about guns and i won't be letting him play with any in our house. But i'll be a bit more relaxed if/ when it happens elsewhere - i.e. realise it's happening and still make my thoughts known, but accept there's little i can do about it happening outside of my home.

Hmmmm, I don't bother about it unless I am asked to join in and then I don't as "guns are not nice, they hurt and can kill people".

They will use their fingers/sticks/whatever so banning guns works a bit but then with peers it seems it's just what they do.

Some of my DS's friends play playstation/DS etc games with guns that I would be horrified if he did. This is barmy for 4 year olds (IMO!). Their brains are not designed to cope with it. However, that's their parents' call. I would step in if he was offered to join in on a computer etc on a play-date but imaginary games I would not bother about.

There are some good suggestions in Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen. He says banning gun play doesn't work - they just play it in secret. He reckons the best way is to join in and redirect the play in less violent ways. (He's a pacifist himself.)

It's difficult at other people's houses though.