Two year old screams at other children touching 'his' stuff

[noblegiraffe]

My DS is nearly two and for several months now has cried whenever another child touches anything that he's even remotely interested in. For example, if we are at the park and he has been on the swings but is now on the slide, if he sees another child going on the swings he will scream and stamp his feet at them. Or if he goes down the slide and sees another child at the top of the slide, he will have a complete fit.

If he is playing with a gate and someone has the temerity to walk through it, they get screamed at too. And recently, this screaming has taken on an extra high pitch, sometimes with foot stamping, sometimes with full on tears.

It is getting really embarrassing, so many mothers admonish their children assuming they've done something to upset him when actually they have done nothing more than been near something that he wants.

I ignore, I distract, I tell him that the other child is allowed to go on the slide and that he has to wait his turn, but he seems to be getting worse than better. I have never seen any other child persistently behave in this ridiculous way over everything.

It's doing my head in. If we are at the park, my heart sinks if another child turns up because I know there will be a scene. I am constantly apologising for him.

Any ideas how to hasten the demise of this really annoying habit?

He'll get over it - he's two.

They all do that at two.

If he does it outside, remove him from the situation.

You can try the 'I have some buttons, they are mine, would you like to share, sharing is fun. How could we share these fairly' type games. But basically it does come in time. :)

Also, he is an only child, but goes to a childminder 4 days a week so it's not like he's not used to being around other children.

whomovedmychocolate - I know they all do it to some extent, but of all the children that I know, all that I have observed at the park, none of them come even remotely close to his permanent banshee behaviour. It's every five minutes.

We play some 'give the child next to you your toy' games at a music group we go to. He's not very good at it but will at least hand the toy over. But this doesn't seem to have had any effect. We went to soft play today and I could have cried, the amount of mothers that were giving me 'what is wrong with your child?' looks as they comforted their bewildered children who had met the full force of his rage.

I think it is just a phase, some children seem to just do it a lot worse than others.

I meet up with a group of friends regularly and we take it in turns to go to each others houses once a week. When one of my friend's daughters was around the same age we had to stop going to her house for quite a while because she was just the same as your son and it was so upsetting for her and the other children that we just stopped for a while.

he WILL get over it, it'll jsut take time, sadly!

DS2 did it slightly, though not to the same extent and I just used to get all jolly and happy with him and ignore the crying and say "ohhh, look THAT little boy is on the slide now, quick, let's go and climb up the steps ready for YOUR go on the slide" and just try and jolly him out of it a bit.
if that doesn't work then I agree with simply removing him from the situation

Ha - that's your son is it

Don't worry. The mums that are judging you just happen to have gotten placid kids. They all have their bits of development when they are little sods. With some it lasts a few days and others a bit longer. So long as you are consistent he will get through this.

It may be that the childminder is not reinforcing the message so well - perhaps chat to her and check how she can support you getting this across. :)

Dd3 sobs inconsolably if another child even looks at a toy she is playing with. She will howl hysterically if a child is on 'her' swing and refuses to smile at anyone but immediate family and a favourite uncle.

They are all different. I get 'looks' too from mothers with adorable little cherubs, but I can't help the fact mine has a ... Um... strong personality.

Well, it's good to know I'm not alone. I figured it was something that he would grow out of but it's been months and he's getting worse. Thoroughly fed up!

TIY I think it's sad that your friend had to stop having people over, but I can totally understand why. I just hope I don't have to go that far.

normal - it just feels like your ds is worse because it's embarrassing. dd is 3 and is a perfect angel at other people's houses - she shares other children's toys beautifully. When children come to play with her things she turns into a screaming banshee too.
A friend yesterday was telling me about an Olivia the Pig story about sharing. Mummy is teaching Olivia about sharing. Olivia imagines the next door neighbour turning up and taking mummy's car. "I'm just sharing your car. I'll take it now but I'm not going to tell you when you can have it back" says the neighbour. Mummy is furious.
Kind of sums up how a toddler may feel when being asked to share their toys.

Honestly, he is worse, I know, because other children at the park of the same age are not having screaming fits when he goes near the slide or swings. It's not just his toys he is being asked to share, it is anything. Communal toys that he played with ten minutes ago and has since ignored, park equipment, doors, gates. Anything he sees even remotely as his. Which means pretty much everything he touches.

He even has sleep tantrums about it. I've gone into his room at night as he has been screaming, and he is asleep, but stamping his little feet in his sleeping bag.

I'd love to know what age he'll grow out of it.

sorry no words of wisdom, just wanted to say my dd who is just 2 is exactly the same. She is fine with older children but if a child the same age or younger goes on something she is on at the park she pulls a really horrible moody face and shouts no at them. Stamps feet etc. I agree it's really embarrassing and I sometimes dread going to places i know will be packed with small children. I know its really silly and it's only a phase but it's still hard at the time.

My DD is 4 and still has irrational meltdowns. You're not alone.

Most kids grow out of it and if not you get used to the judgy looks. I could throttle the people who think I must be an indulgent mum or something (they seem to ignore that I have managed to raise DS to be beautifully behaved). Yesterday we had a two hour meltdown because I walked up the garden steps in front of her and not behind her (sigh).

Thanks for the solidarity. :)

Still having meltdowns at four? I could cry!

My little girl is 2 1/2 and does the EXACT same thing! She will share when asked, but when it comes to another child taking her toy without being asked to share, its all over!
I think it all started with my nephew (who's 1 1/2) just taking her toys because he doesn't have the words yet to ask for them. Now when another kid even looks at her she starts screaming, thinking that they are going to take her toy.
I have found that she does better with older children who take her under their wing. It's the little ones she has trouble with.
She is also possessive with me. We have a girl in our play group who is 1 and is learning to walk. She will use me to try and stand up, and my daughter flips out! She doesn't want anyone to touch me or her little brother ( 7 months).
I am losing my hair over this too, you're not alone! EVERYTHING is a phase, is what I have to keep reminding myself.
Praying that it gets better, SOON!

I have a nephew who does this, it drives me nuts. The others are fine a will share but he wont.
If he says "thats mine" - we take whatever it is away from him and say "if you cant share you dont have anything". If he does share he gets lots of praise and a biscuit or 'getting to start his lunch first' etc for being so good at sharing.

He has just turned three. Its working :-)

My daughter tried to stop a little boy looking at the same animals at the zoo last week ("MINE!"). Yesterday she didn't want a boy to listen to the same music. She pushes kids away quite roughly. She is 2..... It's a nightmare.

remove remove remove. Screaming means The End Of The Fun.

Hi @noblegiraffe 👋 I know this thread is really old now but the way you described your son is exactly how my son is behaving at the moment. Park trips & soft play trips are so stressful because he believes everything is his. He will shout “me” or “mine” whilst running towards a child who has dared to go on the slide or picked up a toy he played with over ten minutes ago. He’s the same with the gate at the park etc so I saw so many similarities in my son & what you were writing. He has started being quite aggressive with other children which i’ve been trying to change for so long now. I watch him like a hawk wherever we go but it breaks my heart when he acts like this. He’s such a bright, funny & loving boys but this behaviour makes me want to hibernate.

Did your son grow out of it? Any tips?

Thanks so much!

Crikey, this thread! DS is nearly 10 now and I don’t remember this phase at all! Sit tight and this too shall pass, I guess.

He got a sister at 3, and I remember him being such a sweetheart about sharing things with her. Whatever it was, he really did get over it.

Thank you so much for responding! It does fill me with some much needed hope. I guess i’ve Just got to ride out this stage & keep doing what we’re doing. I’ve never met or heard of a child doing anything similar to my little boy so comforting to know you have a kind & gentle ten year old 💛

Hi @MumB29 my boy is almost 2 and is the same, so you’re not alone! It’s very stressful when we go out.
Anyway I just read through this thread and saw the update from @noblegiraffe so that’s a relief, they will grow out of it!

So nice to find a thread that is exactly what we are going through and see you'd forgotten it happened!
I wonder (anxiously) if only children are more prone to this as they don't have to share so much?

@ Lettherebelight, well you have a point of course, but dont forget all DC1s go this for a year or two. Some posts have said he will grow out of it, which is true, but only if you keep the pressure on to share. I have seen parents, particularly dads, showing sweets and fruit to a LO and then eating it in teasing way before giving the child some, to help strengthen the sharing. You may have to go over it often, I say to my LO when he's on the swing that we might need to come off to let the other children have a go, and again reminder him when it is free that they have been kind enough to let us have a go. Make sure you keep the sharing phase up, and he will stop acting like a banshee.

nationalsocialanxietycenter.com/2019/07/16/social-anxiety-in-toddlers/

My daughter is the same.

This resource helps, along with extra sensitivity to emotions and empathy and wording emotional phrases...Are you mad or voicing I'm mad/sad/tired/hurt/upset for them to repeat and asking when a bit more calm if they'd like a big hug since they were (repeat strong feeling and state it's ok and that emotions are big sometimes and asking if they feel ok now or better) also teach stomping screaming in a pillow and hugging stuffiest or listening to music etc.

I hope this helps! Glad it is a phase, the night screaming is the worst.🤗

DD used to stand on top at the top of the slide in the playground when she was two ordering kids off "her" trampoline. And most of them used to get off it. Mortified! She's nearly four now and is very sweet most of the time. A miracle!

I'd say the low point was when she was two and a half and slapped a boy three times her age at Center Parcs cause he went past her on the wobbly bridge.