Support thread for speech and laguage delay toddlers...

[Orangeflower7]

Hi, I have a little boy of 2.5 and we have just today had our first speech and language referral appointment as he is not saying many words yet. I thought maybe other parents might be in the same position and would like to share experiences for support?

It took a few weeks for the appointment, which we were referred to by the health visitor. The therapist told us he has a moderate language delay and has given us ideas of some signs to use with him, she has advised us to keep language clear and simple and we will get a place at a toddler group run by speech and language therapists who will observe and support us. Not sure how long that will take as they only have 6 children in a group but there is an option we can go to the next town if necessary. He also had his hearing tested by the hospital audiologist last week and they said his hearing was fine.

please watch this trailer for a film about a family who went through this Arrogantcat. You aren't alone and I'm glad you've ordered the books- It Takes Two is consistent with the Greenspan positive approach that you'll see described in this link.

xxlingle

I too have a partner who just didn't see language delay as a problem...

After many months of doing SALT at home, my partner now says things like 'it's a good job one of us got stressed about this as something got done. Not very helpful, but I've just resigned myself to the fact my partner isn't perfect and sometimes we need to find support elsewhere. He's wonderful on many other things, just not this. So that's why I seem to be on this board rather a lot!!

Once things got scientific my partner was able to take more notice. We've now been told there's a chromosome mutation in DS1 and both parents are undergoing full genetic analysis to work out if it's something one of us passed on (and is therefore probably not linked to the language delay) or if it's something in DS1 alone. On it goes!

Glue ear operation only 10 days away so fingers crossed for that. Once done we will have a better idea of what else might be at play.

Not sure if anyone else has reacted by isolating themselves from other parents too. I found it really hard as we'd recently moved when the problem became apparent. Trying to meet other mums and always having to explain that our child had language delay (and then handle what often felt like insensitive reactions) left me backing away from things more and more. In
the end I realised I got myself into a really isolated position (and really quite depressed) and had to make a huge effort to get out of it. It's not easy and I've asked my GP for a bit of counselling to help me handle it all. Though that seems about as forthcoming as SALT on the NHS :(

Thank god for this thread and lots of other sensible sorts who are also trying to deal with this situation.

cjn - yes I avoid other parents a lot. It helps on the not comparing front. I don't know if it's the right thing to do, but it feels right for me at the moment.

I also moved just before it became apparent that DS had issues.

It's funny really how many similarities we all have.

I am at the point with DD where her problems are becoming apparent. I hate myself for feeling uncomfortable and even a bit embarrassed about her delays.
As we lined up to pick up DC1 from Reception earlier, she was babbling away and doing one of her funny little dances and I felt as if people were looking at her and wondering what's wrong with her.
It's a horrible feeling and it goes hand in hand with a lot of guilt.
We are past the toddler group stage (thank God) but could never relax at them and was always observing DD and feeling either relieved or worried. The comparisons to other often younger children is something I do constantly although I am trying really hard not to.
When I see a child speaking perfectly and interacting well and they're with a mother who's swearing, ignoring them and (judgey pants on) obviously not doing half the work I do with DD, I feel angry and bitter.
Sorry...[shame]

Don't worry arrogantcat, I'm ashamed of many of my reactions to DS and how I think others are perceiving him.

I often err on the side of blurting out info about his developmental delays - possibly to people who hadn't even noticed he was a bit different. I'm working towards not needing to 'explain away' anything about him. But I'm not there yet.

I'm still stuck in a very needy phase where it's as if I want people to understand and SEE how difficult things are for him (and me if I'm honest). My gut tells me I will grow out of this phase when my skin has grown thick enough.

I also marvel at the ease with which other children can just chat away, despite having an older DD who did just that. And, yes, there is still very often resentment and self-pity. I try to remind myself that it's DS with the issues, not me. So what right have I to feel sorry for myself? Helps a teeny bit.

I'm just rambling now - it's like therapy. I know that DS will be more severely affected than many on this thread, so hopefully they won't need to travel this road for long.

lol schobe I remember thinking "how on earth can other people find parenting hard when they have a child they can reason with and who can tell them what's wrong?"

I was bloody right too! Doesn't stop me complaining nowadays when he can do all those things though.

I have a VERY talkative 4 yr old and a speech delayed 3 yr old and I find the two of them to be extremely tricky to manage.
DC1 never shuts up, is bright and articlulate for her age then poor DC2 is so behind and babyish.
I find it hard to juggle the needs of a bright reception child with those of a delayed just turned 3 preschooler.
Whatever I do and I feel I'm failing one of my children.
Right, off to bed. Will come back on a more positive note.

Defintiely have somewhat isolated myself from other parents. I was however not a sociable mum type anyway (and was back in full time job when DS was 3 motnhs old so not much chance for the mother and baby stuff. Which I doubt I would have got involved in anyway). I am working now on the trying not to compare etc so actively trying to resist that kind of thing.

My DH doesn't stop anything and is not really as unsupportive as my post above sounds (was having a frustrated day yesterday and feeling down about the slow progress), but he is just so much less worried (overtly anyway) than I am that sometimes, when I am truly getting panicky and pessimistic, it can be hard.

Hi - I posted on here a few months back. Quick re-cap/update: I have a (now) 2.6yr DS with 10 words and a collection of meaningful sounds. We've established that his hearing is fine, and have been waiting for months for an assessment with a SALT.

I've been following this thread with a great deal of interest, and I wondered if anyone had come across similar behaviour to my DS's? He has no problem with understanding what is said to him, and can follow instructions. He is interactive, social, makes eye-contact, makes his wishes known non-verbally very clearly, is strong willed, a bad sleeper, and is just beginning to play alongside other children. He also does a lot of quite sophisticated babbling that sounds like speech, to the extent that I'm often asked what he's saying. He has a lot of concentration, but will not sir down and look at books (even at bedtime!), and will never, ever join in singing - both things that people repeatedly tell me are great for language development.

I guess I'm just getting impatient with wanting to know if there is a reason why his language skills aren't developing, or if he is simply a very late developer in this area. Does anyone have any similar experiences?

Hello Lukeylou.

What is causing you concern about your DS? Just that he's a little delayed?

He sounds pretty good to me! I would always recommend buying 'It Takes Two to Talk', the Hanen book.

He doesn't sound at all like my DS, but I didn't want to leave you unanswered.

Thanks Schobe. Yes, it is just concern over his speech, and I'm well aware that he does not have the problems many others on this thread are facing - we are very fortunate in this respect.

My DS does not appear to be behind in any other way, but is waaaaaay behind his peers in his speech. He's late even for a late talker, and I guess I just want to understand why... I know of nobody else in this position where there isn't anything else in combination with delayed speech.

The Hannen book is very expensive, and isn't in our library. I keep putting off buying it hoping that his speech will take off soon.

Lukeylou, your DS sounds a little like my DD - does your local SALT run a Hanen course, based on the It takes two to talk? I am embarking on one in a couple of weeks; DD has been diagnosed with an expressive speech delay. Like your DS, she has good understanding and non verbal communication, she has over 50 words but only about half are understandable to most, and she rarely puts two words together. May be worth asking if htere is naything you can sign up for? like you, I was going to get the book, but figured a practical thing might be better.

Hi, I've only just discovered this thread and it is worrying me a bit! I think I've been trying to ignore the issue a bit

DS was two a few weeks ago and 'talks' constantly, but he only uses a limited range of sounds so it's really hard to understand him. I know what he's saying most of the time, his sister knows what he's saying and so does his childminder. I can see his vocabulary expanding all the time and I know he's using phrases like 'no I didn't' and 'my scooter'.
But he's not pronouncing anything properly unless the word happens to have the sounds in it that he can make! Mostly he replaces all consonants with 'd' and the occasional 'm'. he will end words with a 't' or 's' but not use those at the beginning of words. No 'b' sound at all, ever. He can do most vowel sounds, a pretty good 'l' and a 'y' and that's about it.

So he gets by. He's very outgoing, sociable if a bit shy, sings all the time and is very good at making himself understood. He understands almost everything we say to him. People are starting to comment now though, and most people laugh at him. What does it mean if the only problem is pronunciation?

Sorry, I didn't mean to ramble and I know lots of your DC are facing more difficult problems than mine.

Iheartkingthistle (love the name by the way!), there is a grid that the SALT used that showed me (this was for my DD1 who also required SALT) which showed which sounds children would be expected to make by which age - I was surprised that some of them are not till quite late on. Even many of the sounds that my DD2 is 'missing' at this stage, it is apparently not uncommon. Can you get your HV to refer you to a SALT , just to check, or can you self refer (we can but we're not in UK)?

I was, like many, hoping to be told DD2 was just a late talker, but as least she si in the right place for some help.

Thanks, that's really interesting, I will ask the HV. We've been waiting so long to hear anything other than 'd-d-d-d-d-d-dat' I think it is time to get it checked.

Oh dear, I really didn't mean to make people apologetic about their child's relative lack of problems! Please please post if your DC has any type of language delay.

The OP's post describes a child with excellent understanding, gestures and social awareness, but just very few words. I think that was really what this thread was started for.

Lukeylou - can you keep hassling the SALT and/or HV? Make yourself a bit of a nuisance until the SALT sees your DS.

Can your library order in the Hanen book for you? It does come up on ebay but probably still around the £20 mark. You could always start a thread in the SN section to see if anyone has an old copy they no longer need.

The several mentions of HVs on this thread made me realise that, although I am paying for my DS to see a private SALT, I probably should be acessing NHS services including an HV as well (doesn't seem to be an automatic HV service in my borough, certainly no-one ever offered and I had never seen one apart from at the weighing clinic when he was tiny). So I contacted local HV service via email, she called me back, very nice, and DS is going to see her tomorrrow for an assessment. I am very anxious about it though.

PS we have decided to start trying Makaton, my SALT has taught us a few signs and I have got the first basic book for Makaton signs. I don't know if it is going to work however, he doesn't really seem to pay any attention to the signing at all (but we have only been trying it for two days, and not even fully into it yet so I suppose I should give it a chance!)

We've been waiting to see a SALT for 5 months - all we've had so far is a letter from them confirming DS is on their waiting list. Maybe it is time to make a bit more of a nuisance of myself!!

theDudesmummy - good luck with the signing. The only reason we haven't really pushed that is me to be honest. I'm utterly hopeless at remembering the signs. MUST make more effort.

Try not to worry about seeing the HV. In your shoes, I would probably keep reasonably quiet about the private SALT. It sounds very cynical but I wouldn't want them to find excuses for not using their own SALT as well.

However, if the HV is not proactive enough for your liking, you could bring in the opinion of the private SALT to back up the fact that you strongly feel he should be offered some more support. Ask about Portage in your area, hearing tests (can't remember if you've had those done) and even referral to a paediatrician. I would push for everything but I know my views are coloured by my own DS.

Thanks Shobe. I have already told her about the SALT on the phone, but I am probably going to be angling for peadiatrician referral in the end. I am prepared to go private for that too (and I think BUPA would in fact pay for a private paediatric developmental assessment, at least as a one-off) but I do feel I am also entitled to be, and should be, plugged into the NHS system in order to ensure that if more things (statementing etc) are needed down the line we are already in the system as it were.

Yes I have done the hearing bit, he did have glue ear diagnosed, and had grommets put in in July. I was hoping for a magic improvement after that but it has not, much to my dismay, really materialised. It has been difficult and disappointing that the hopes we had for the effect of sorting out the hearing problem have not been realised.

The Makaton is quite fun really, my teenage stepdaughter would only talk to me in Makaton signs before going to school this morning. I hope we can all give it a good try. But as I said, he doesn't really seem to have noticed it yet!

Just found out from DD's preschool that she will be visited by SALT tomorrow. Am a bit disappointed to find out that she will only be seen for therapy once per term.
Anyone know if this is standard? I have a 3 yr old who can barely speak! It just seems totally inadequate to me.

Hi, I have been lurking on this thread for a while now. I have a DD who is 3 next month, she has a speech delay due to glue ear (we hope) and had grommets fitted and adenoids out in May.

Before the op she had around 100 words and would not link any together, now she has around 500 (at a guess) and is starting to link 3 words together eg 'there dummy floor'(meaning there is my dummy on the floor). She has had private speech therapy every week for half an hour which is a painful experience due to her lack of concentration sometimes and it is crippling me financially!

I feel like we are making slow progress although I know she is very far behind her peers who all seem to be chatting away.

I just wanted to say to thedudesmummy that it has taken us 5 months after the grommets op to get to this stage, so I don't think there is a 'dramatic' effect after the operation and it takes time for things to start improving.

The surgeon explained to me that my daughter wouldn't have been able to hear properly for some while and while all her peers would have been taking in sounds and processing them and learning to say them, she hasn't had that opportunity. Sorry I didn't explain that well, but hopefully you get the jist.

Anyway, I worry everyday about my daughters language development and I don't like being around kids younger than her that can speak fluently - it breaks my heart. I just hope that she catches up before she starts school in 2013.

Arrogantcat - god that's extremely poor isn't it? Sounds like it probably is fairly standard I'm afraid. My DS wasn't seen at all - they put ME on a course so that I knew how to speak/interact with him. Hence my insistence on seeing a paed and anything else that was on offer.

We could have afforded some private SALT while I was still working. But I've had to give up work because of DS' issues and his old nursery not coping too well. Ironic.

Sammy74 - are you sure your DD is as behind as you think when she's not quite 3 yet? She sounds close to the normal range to me, but I know how worrying it is obviously. Going from 100 to 500 words and starting to put 3 words together in such a short space of time sounds fantastic to me. And she must have 2 full years until she starts school. Sounds like you've done a fantastic job of getting her what she needs to catch up fully, fingers crossed.