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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

granma smacking

22 replies

tierdmummyofone · 09/05/2011 22:49

Im unsure of a way do let my parents know i do not want my daughter to be smacked they tell me all the time she will become really bad when she older if i dont stop it now and it really annoys me when they say IT DID NT DO YOU NO HARM. My daughter only 11 months is not naughty she just throws a few wobbles now and agian like any other but they get wound up by her throwing toys or screaming yes she does get abit much sometimes but i tend to sit her down or distract her but my parents keep throwing "She needs a smacked bum" in the convo all the time :(
Anyone had this promblem??????
Any advice ??????

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

5318008 · 09/05/2011 23:09

do you see them a lot?

no need to smack, you already know this

if they keep on then reduce your contact with them - undermining your parenting style is really mean

a thought though - they may be feeling, in retrospect, a bit bad about how they parented you and are therefore a bit defensive

Mummyloveskisses · 09/05/2011 23:10

I was smacked as a child but I definately wouldn't hit my own children, at the beginning my mum would say the same as yours ''a smack is a sharp shock and will stop the bad behaviour'' but in my opinion a smack is lazy parenting! If you are against smacking you just have to repeat yourself until your mum gets it... my mum is a loving nanny and would never go against me she thought the advice she was giving was the best... she probably secretly thinks I am doing the wrong thing but I persevered with my way and my DS1 (13yrs) is a well rounded, polite and caring young man whom I am extremely proud of.... nothing wrong with no smacking :)

I do have DD 3.4yrs and DS2 14months too but its a bit early to say how well I've done here :) tantrum city some days....

Good luck and stick with your convictions x

bleedingstill · 09/05/2011 23:24

tell them straight. Do not smack my daughter.

JeremyVile · 09/05/2011 23:27

Are they smacking her?
Or just suggesting that you should?

If they are hitting her and you allow it then you are as bad as them.
If they suggest it, explain to them you dont want to and will not be persuaded so please stop wasting your breath.

Mummyloveskisses · 10/05/2011 00:32

It sounds like they are suggesting it from the OP x

Original poster

tierdmummyofone · 10/05/2011 20:42

If they are hitting her and you allow it then you are as bad as them.

???
I was raised by my parents my dad has smacked my sisters children and she hates him doing so but my dad is a very Uptight nasty man sometimes and if she tells him off he just laughs and say it is what children seem to need these days.

No they have never actually smacked mine she is only 11 months i was just asking for advice to stop the talking about it now so it doesnt happen.
I do not think your comment was fair though i would never say my sister is a bad mother for it. It upsets her too and she only goes round now on special times.

OP posts:

Original poster

tierdmummyofone · 10/05/2011 20:44

but i am sure if they ever actually smacked her i wouldnt allow her round there no more

OP posts:

Eglu · 10/05/2011 20:46

It seems you are unlikely to change your parents minds on the smacking issue. So the only thing you can do is not let your DD be alone with them, and if you think they are going to smack her whick her away from them.

You could tell them that if they smack your DD then they won't get to see her, and maybe that will help. It does seem like they have very little patience for small children.

elmofan · 10/05/2011 20:57

at your mum thinking an 11 month old baby " needs a smacked bum"

naturalbaby · 10/05/2011 21:03

the very last thing a toddler needs is a smack when they are having a tantrum. at this age they really struggle to deal with everything that is going on and that's what tantrums are - they can't cope or understand the situation and that is the only way they can deal with it and communicate.

the best thing i can do to help my toddlers when they are having a tantrum is to give them cuddles and talk to them.

you don't need to explain yourself to your parents - it's your child and you make the decisions. tell them if they aren't going to support you then you don't want to hear their opinion on the matter because there is plenty of scientific research to prove their way is not helpful!

smoggii · 10/05/2011 21:16

Just say to them 'I don't smack you when you pi** me off'

Original poster

tierdmummyofone · 10/05/2011 21:25

smoggii

lol i would probs get a smack for that :)

OP posts:

ffried · 10/05/2011 21:26

no way! no smacking is acceptable, you will be showing her to make a point she should smack! tell them no! in there day it might of been acceptable in this day and age there is supernanny and a million other books and advice out there on how to educate us on proper parenting, it sounds like you already know better though

ppeatfruit · 11/05/2011 10:15

yeah tierdmummy but smoggii is right isn't she?

thebeansmum · 11/05/2011 11:14

The whole 'it didn't do you any harm' argument is so rediculous that it makes me cringe. It obviously has done you some harm - to quote you 'dad is a very uptight nasty man' I would suggest that is a viewpoint of a person who's Father isn't the kind, strong, loving role-model my Father is in my eyes. So there's the harm it's done. Serves no purpose other than humiliation and breeds bullies, I'm afraid. You are doing the right thing OP, like another post says just tell them in no uncertain terms do not smack my child, please.

naturalbaby · 11/05/2011 13:54

lol at smoggii's post!

Davsmum · 11/05/2011 14:35

How can you be unsure of a way to let them know ?
You just tell them that you do not believe in smacking and when they say it did YOU no harm,... tell them that it DID because it affected you emotionally - It must have because you find it difficult to tell them you disagree !

gallicgirl · 11/05/2011 17:38

You know all those parenting programmes you see on tv like Supernanny?

I have never seen any of those behavioural experts advocating hitting a child as an effective means of discipline. A very young child wouldn't understand why they've been hit anyway and IMO it just reinforces the child's view that it's ok to hit someone when you don't like what they're doing.

Point out to your parents that they've had their chance to be parents but now it's your turn and although you appreciate their advice, you will make your own decisions on how to discipline your child and you expect them to follow your rules when DC is in their care. If they can't do that, then don't leave DC with them.

Blu · 11/05/2011 17:50

If your dad smacks your sister's children, and even though she has told him not to, he will smack your children too.

Really - do not leave your children alone with 'an uptight nasty man' who hits small children and laughs at the parents instructions not to.

If you leave your dd with them, your dd WILL get smacked.

Tell them 'different times, different child - you did it your way, I'm doing it mine, and my rule is 'no smacking'. I heard you the first time you said it, I don't agree, so let's leave it there'.

Then if they say it again say 'Can you please not discuss this in frnt of dd? She'll be able to iunderstand our conversation any day now, and it isn't good for her to hear me undermined as regards to her behaviour'. If they do it again, calmly pick her up and say 'when you discuss this in front of her, it's time to go'. Be calm and polite but do that every tie they do it.

jenmelbourne · 06/06/2011 10:02

At the end of the day, other people need to realse that they are YOUR kids. If you're worried about them smacking, then don't leave your kids with them. What you say goes. My MIL gave my DS dairy (after I'd told her that he's lactose intolerant after a bout of gastro). I was REALLY PISSED OFF, and told her that unless she can abide by what I've asked, she won't mind the kids.
They need to understand that they're entitled to an opinion,but what you say goes.

brettgirl2 · 06/06/2011 10:12

I am dreading this coming up, my daughter is 2. My thought on smacking is it might not have done me any harm but it didnt make me behave either. At the end of the day if my parents are going to look after my daughter they need to discipline in the same way as me or dd will be naughty!

Lis1 · 15/06/2011 13:58

My parents wouldn't dream of smacking DS although I think in all my life I was smacked once (probably on the occasion they found it didn't work lol)

OH's mother suggested to me that DS would learn from having a smacked bum and that she used to smack her son's often (possibly that attitude is the reason my OH now doesn't speak to her whatsoever and her other son limits when he sees her). I told her firmly that he will not be smacked as I do not agree with it myself and wouldn't be doing it so nobody else would be either.

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