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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Is Co-Sleeping rare?

87 replies

DuelingFanjo · 04/03/2011 22:44

My DS is almost 11 weeks old and, apart from the first 9 days when he was in hospital still, he has always slept in bed with me. I left hospital with leaflets on how to co-sleep safely but also feeling that it was mostly not recommended; the health visitor told me it was an un-safe thing to do. Still, I prefer it that way, I am breastfeeding and my son sleeps from 11pm to 6am most nights.

I always thought co-sleeping was something a lot of people did, certainly seems so from what I read on mumsnet, but out of my NCT group (7 of us) I am the only one who is co-sleeping and some of the women have their babies in cots in a separate room already.

I am trying not to let it bother me,I know it shouldn't matter - each to their own etc, but some times I wonder if I am going to be setting myself up for sleep disaster in the future and if I'm actually doing a really unusual not to mention frowned upon thing?

Am I just a lentil weaver who should accept that most people are doing it differently and I am the odd one?

OP posts:

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toeragsnotriches · 06/03/2011 22:30

We did it (unintentionally) with both DSs. I don't think we actually thought it was co-sleeping. Just, well, sleeping! As long as you observe the sensible, obvious common sense safety stuff with a tiny just do whatever feels right.

Ours still regularly end up in our bed and we love it. And, actually, most of my friends who gave birth around the same time as me do the same.

toeragsnotriches · 06/03/2011 22:32

Oh, and if you have room and the cash buy the biggest bed you can !

sfxmum · 06/03/2011 22:32

to OP no it is not uncommon and it is generally safe
I did it and I know many people who have done the same

there are safety issues but as long as you are aware of those I don't see the problem
I think professionals may advise against because they don't want to be put on the spot if something goes wrong which is a reasonable position since they don't really have the opportunity to really know the parent

still I loved having her in our bed and it was right for us, she either sleep on our bed or on a bedside cot for the first couple of years
and no we did not have problems when it was time for her own room other than me missing her

I can tell you I slept a lot less in that first week

GeordieBird1972 · 06/03/2011 23:05

Bringing children into bed for us wasn't wrong and felt completely normal to lie cuddling our babies. When I was breast feeding it was a route to sanity and a good nights sleep. I still bring DS into bed with me now when he wakes in the early hours and I know he doesnt need milk, and he always falls back to sleep. It reasures me that he his comforted by lying next to me and sleeping for another few hours.

Original poster

DuelingFanjo · 06/03/2011 23:17

At the moment I feel like I will only do it for a while, I don't fancy having a toddler in my bed. However I said I would never co-sleep so we'll see...

OP posts:

pookamoo · 06/03/2011 23:33

My dad said to me before DD was born "don't be scared to have the baby in the bed with you - you won't squash it, but it will take up more space than you can ever imagine!"
He was so right!

We now have a super-kingsize bed and although DD is mostly in her own room now she is 2.3, if she wakes in the night and doesn't settle almost immediately, she comes in with us. She can be a bit of a wriggler though!

I was surprised the first time someone mentioned to me that they co-slept, then I found out it is actually a lot more common than you think, and once I learned to bf lying down when DD was about 7 months old, it was the best thing ever!

AllDirections · 06/03/2011 23:56

I'm the only parent that I know in the RW that has co-slept. But after reading this thread I'm beginning to think that maybe people haven't been totally honest with me!

thuckingsumbs · 07/03/2011 14:18

I suppose I always thought of co-sleeping as the baby being in bed with you all night long. My DS goes to bed at 7pm very easily and hasn't needed a night time feed since he was 5mo, he's now 10mo. However, when he wakes in the morning, which can be anytime from midnight to 6am I just go to his room, unzip him from his grobag and bring him in with me. He instantly settles back to sleep, is happy and contented, and so am I. I cannot think of a more beautiful way to wake than to see his smiling little face right next to me every morning. Babies need lots of love so that they grow up feeling secure and happy, and my DS is a chilled and happy boy so I must be doing something right. I'm also single, work full time and he was formula fed and weaned on puree (not BLW).

Original poster

DuelingFanjo · 08/03/2011 09:59

this is what I meant when I posted - all night long.

OP posts:

TheOldestCat · 08/03/2011 10:02

I'm not sure if we're 'co-sleeping' now - DS was in bed with us all night long for the first few months. Now (at 12 months) he starts off in his cot, then i bring him into our bed from the first feed onwards (sometimes 11pm - boo - sometimes 2 or 3am - yay).

I think lots of people do this, although - like you, OP - I don't know many of them. I can't moan about the lack of sleep anymore as folk tend to blame my BFing, 'co-sleeping' ways.

MigGril · 08/03/2011 13:43

Crip - However, I have noticed that the overwhelming majority of the "my baby is 12 months old and still feeds every hour", "my child is 2 and still wakes up 3 times a night" are from parents who co-sleep.

It's total rubish, with DD we presaveaded with the traditional putting her in her own cot/room only occasionaly relenting and putting her in with us. It almost brock me she didn't sleep through until 13months and didn't sleep through consitantly until 2 and half. Wish I'd just relented and co-slept, we all would have had a lot more sleep and I wounldn't have been so stressed. I totatly belive now that babies sleep through when they are good and ready regardless of what you do.

So this time we're co-sleeping with a 3 sided cot for more room as our bed isn't big enough on it's own. I need my sleep and my sanity this time round as I have a toddler to look after to. DS will sleep through in his own good time and we'll all be happier for it.

Southwestwhippet · 08/03/2011 20:37

I know where you are coming from OP, I am also the only one in my NCT group who co-slept consistently from birth. I think it is more common with second and third children though. My mum co-slept with three of hers so I kinda grew up thinking it was the norm.

I echo theoldestcat though, DD now 13months starts the night in her cot then comes in with us when she wakes usually somewhere between 1:00am and 4:00am. she did go through a long phase of BF all night long which was exhausting but we worked through it and have a 'milk when you first come into mum's bed then no milk til morning' rule which she now understands and accepts. I love co-sleeping though, is so nice to wake up to kisses and cuddles (and demands for milk LOL)

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