Is Co-Sleeping rare?

[DuelingFanjo]

My DS is almost 11 weeks old and, apart from the first 9 days when he was in hospital still, he has always slept in bed with me. I left hospital with leaflets on how to co-sleep safely but also feeling that it was mostly not recommended; the health visitor told me it was an un-safe thing to do. Still, I prefer it that way, I am breastfeeding and my son sleeps from 11pm to 6am most nights.

I always thought co-sleeping was something a lot of people did, certainly seems so from what I read on mumsnet, but out of my NCT group (7 of us) I am the only one who is co-sleeping and some of the women have their babies in cots in a separate room already.

I am trying not to let it bother me,I know it shouldn't matter - each to their own etc, but some times I wonder if I am going to be setting myself up for sleep disaster in the future and if I'm actually doing a really unusual not to mention frowned upon thing?

Am I just a lentil weaver who should accept that most people are doing it differently and I am the odd one?

Here are some prevalence stats (based on numerous studies in the UK, USA and other Western countries) for all you interested folk:

During the first 3-6 months, appx 45-50% of all babies have bed-shared.

On ANY specified night during the first month of life appx 22% bed-share.

There's a big difference between breastfed and formula fed babies: In one study in the NE of England (late 1990s) 72% of infants who breastfed for 1 month or more have bed-shared, compared to only 38% of formula-fed babies.

So basically about a quarter of all babies under one month of age will bed-share on any given night; about half of all babies under 3-6 months bed-share with their parents; and this proportion is higher among breastfed babies - about three-quarters.

So the answer to your question is no, it's not rare

There is a strong association between breastfeeding and co-sleeping.Makes sense as it is so much easier to roll over and feed a baby lying next to you.If you have to get up anyway then its less of an issue. Women who co-sleep tend to breastfeed for longer and co-sleeping with a tiny baby is safer if you are breastfeeding-you are more likely to naturally sleep in a baby-safe position.(curled around the baby,knees up)I do know one formula feeder who co-slept but all the others were breastfeeding.

One of the best parenting decisions i ever made was to co sleep. I know a few people who do and a lot of people who technically don't - have a cot etc but their DCs end up in bed with them anyway.

I know one or two people who refuse on some point of principle to allow their DCs in bed with them at all which I find sort of weird and cold.

TBH, I don't know how people look after young babies if they don't co sleep? How do you resettle a NB baby in a moses basket after feeding at 3am? [mind boggles]

my 3 were bottle fed and co slept

Co-sleeping?? It's the middle of the night and we're all still up. Off to bed and will co-sleep when baby wakes :)

RE Feeding to sleep. DS rarely feeds to sleep, he feeds then I spend a bit of time winding him, sometimes chatting, then I do the Ssh Ssh thing and he falls asleep. I don't know if this is considered bad?

wave to Lavitabellissima

BertieBotts I recon I can dio that with the cot.

I am in bed now, with the baby asleep beside me

Everyone has kind of said what I would have done, but if you want numbers - DD came into bed with us until bout 6 months, the cot in her own room, but still came in from first wake up, so any time from round 3am, still do it now occasionally, although dd nearly 11months - and have found that she wakes early if we do it too often.

In the early days we had a co-sleeper cot - I sleep very deeply, and DH is an insomniac, so wanted out own space. But she generally ended up in with us. I don't really see how people with babies older than about 6 months ish do it though - DD just got so wriggly, and took up so much room, my back was in bits, from sleeping in an odd position - and she just wanted her own space. She woke up more in our bed, but went to sleep quicker, but in her own cot, she wakes up less, but at first took forever to go back off to sleep. I think if she was still sleeping with us, we would be getting less sleep than we are now. Now - she has been sleeping through for a month or two. bliss. but I wouldn't give up those first few months of snuggling to sleep for anything.

You just do what you are comfortable with - there aren't any rules - as long as you do it sensibly, (follow guidelines etc) if it gets you more sleep, then go for it, ignore the frowning, there will be lots more, trust me!

Oh, and you can't co-sleep after a few so sometimes it is a great thing that they sleep alone! Sorry if I rambled......

I read so many posts from sleep deprived mums who can barely function and I just can't relate to them. Any parenting decisions I've made so far, I've made because they are the easy option, not because I am a lentil weaver though there would appear to be some parallels. My baby is the most placid content little soul - I dunno, it might just be her personality, but I can't help thinking it has something to do with co-sleeping etc.

and for the bleeding awful typing!

I totally agree Udderly - at first, sleeping was the least of our problems, as I just turned over, plugged her in and went back to sleep. was much harder when she moved to her own room - however, we do get more sleep now, and better quality now. It was the best decision for us though, because dd was just feeding all night, and my back was bad. But as I say, the first few months, it was the best thing. It wasn't the easiest choice short term, but much better long term. however, who knows if her sleep would have just improved over time if still in our bed?

Feeding to sleep is the thing I think - we gradually made a gap between feeding and sleep, as much as possible - for example fed her before her bath. or changed her for bed after a feed, not before. However, it's useful sometimes to be able to feed to sleep, dd wont do it anymore, very annoying, we can't take her out for while we have a meal anymore later on in the evening, have to get babysitters, very annoying!

missmakesstuff Agree with you too - there will come a time when co-sleeping won't be the easy option, probably when she starts wriggling around the bed and safety is a concern. I'd say I might bring the cot in beside my bed then for a while, eventually moving her into her own room. It'll happen in its own good time.

We never set out to co-sleep with DD and she was a superstar for sleeping in her own cot from birth.

However since Christmas she has been spending an increasing amount of time in our bed for various reasons and now at 6.5 months we almost exclusively co-sleep to the degree that her cot is currently full of around 100 balls of wool (don't ask why!)

I sometimes worry that starting to co-sleep now is almost going backwards but she's still little, I'm still breastfeeding and I go back to work in a month so want to keep sleep as stress free as possible!

Thanks duelingfanjo that was my thoughts so I've not asked on here specifically. I'm sure they'll sort out what's best for them, but if he asks me my advice it is tricky.

So that's why I thought I'd ask the ones who've done it. We put both our boys in their own cots. DS2 came in with us more often in the first few weeks, but I like my so wanted to get him into his own cot. DS1 went in his own room from 3 days because his snuffling kept me awake and any duvet rustle woke him. It was a very small house so he was only about 2m away with an open door. My co-sleeping extended feeding friend sent me a very stern email when I told her.

My motto (and I know a strong MN one) became you do what's best for you and your family (and sod what people think!)

I think lots of people who didn't co-sleep with their DC as babies do at least part of the time when they're toddlers.

I co-sleep with my 14 m.o. DS - originally out of necessity, now out of choice. It was the only way I could cope with 5 night wakings every night. Now he usually only wakes once (and that before I go to bed). I've not done anything differently, and I always feed to sleep at bedtime and when he wakes.

Since co-sleeping my middle-of-the-night insomnia has stopped and I go to sleep more easily than I ever have done in my life. I love it. I'll miss DS when he eventually moves out.

I only know one person who co-sleeps with their baby. I don't co-sleep, but I can see the benefits. It just wasn't for us. My friend who does co-sleep is now wondering how it will stop - her LO is about 18mo. I had to bottle feed for medical reasons, which I guess makes a difference - I understand that co-sleeping works particularly well if breast feeding as the LO can feed almost while sleeping so that night feeds can continue for longer without a long term night-waking habit becoming established. We found that we all slept better once DD moved into her own room at 6mo - once I'd got used to the idea...

I never planned to co sleep at all, but DS is still a rubbish sleeper. He goes to bed in his own bed and when he wakes up he spends the rest of the night in with me.

I'd prefer him not to as he is wriggly sometimes, but overall I get more sleep that way, so we do.

I do like having him there, when he isn't shoving me with his feet or poking me though

In the unlikely event of having another baby, I would have them in the bed much earlier - DS never slept with me/us til about 13m.

I found in my baby group that getting baby to sleep through was one of the things mothers felt judged on- so it would have been quite hard for any mum to admit that they were actually co-sleeping. Come to think of it, I don't think I admitted myself that I let dcs come into our bed whenever they wanted to. I did admit it once to a HV and she was so shocked that I had to hide behind "well, it's normal practice in my culture".

I think it's more common than you think, just people won't admit to it. Although people will probably start them off in a cot and bring them into bed when they wake up and prob won't call it co- sleeping. Most of my friends will admit to that.

I wouldnt worry I have four children and had almost the exact experience of Justhalfway - my first baby was a nightmare (she's 20 and lovely now!), cried all the time - I spent hours on the floor in the nursery wondering what on earth I was doing wrong. With the other three I kept them with me in the bed or in a cot at the side and just did what gave me, DH and the baby the best rest and felt right.

By two they were sleeping most nights in their own beds it just happens gradually-my 9 year old DD3 hasbt slept with us for years (but comes in for a cuddle in the morning) but my 4 year old DS still sometimes pitches up in the middle of the night. Dont see whats wrong giving children comfort in the dark to be honest.

I agree with cori. I always told HV my youngest had a cot upstairs and thats where she slept. She didnt even have one. I know my HV would not have approved

I wonder if HV cannot be seen to approve/is scared to approve in case the baby dies and someone tries to blame the HV for advising the mother to co-sleep?

I didnt take much notice of the HV I am afraid after DD2 and still regret doing so with DD1 - I apologise to her frequently for not following my instincts with her - but she doesnt remember or hold it against me

The advice I have received has changed radically with each baby over the last 20 years just remember it is only that - current advice, its not the final word on anything.

cory sleep does seem to be the one thing people ask about. my son has 'slept through' from 11pm - about 6am for a while but that's something he's done all by himself. Other people have babies in the nursery going from 8pm to 5am! Not sure if co-sleeping has contributed to my son's sleep and if that would change if I put him in the crib. I sometimes wonder what people mean by 'sleeping through' as I've heard one person say her baby sleeps through but then say 'he does wake at 3am for a small feed though'!

I've only just admitted it to my group!

I never meant to co-sleep. I was a "straight into the cot" person, until DS was born. He stayed with me the first night, and then when I tried to put him in his bassinet, he wailed and I just picked him out again - instant peace.
When we got home, I kept him in with me - DH "needed his sleep" so he shipped out to the spare room which suited us, as we had more room to co-sleep safely. DS also had a tongue-tie so was feeding for up to 2hrs at a time; much easier to keep him in with me (his tongue tie was snipped at around 2wo)

When he was 5 1/2mo I put him in his cot - and he mostly slept there, unless I started to fall asleep while feeding him sat upright. Then I would bring him back to my bed, safer that way. DH still preferred to "get his good sleep" and, tbh, I preferred having some time on my own in my bed, because if I couldn't sleep then I could work on the computer or read to sleep.

So - DS was in his own cot until he was 18mo, which is when we packed the house up to emigrate. Then he was in a travel cot for a few weeks - but when we got over here, things went tits up again because we were staying with MIL and our room was separate from the upper levels of the house - so I couldn't put DS to sleep and then go back, it was too far away. I had to go to bed at the same time as him - and no way was he going to go to sleep in the travel cot while I was there in the bed! Back to co-sleeping again. He's now 3.3 - and he shares with either DH or me. I prefer DS's room because it's at the back of the house and is less noisy, and the bed is better for my back. DH has the master bed, which we all share at times until I can sneak off to the better-for-me bed.

Anyway - among my friends in the UK, I am unusual for co-sleeping; here in Australia, less so, it appears.

I always found that I slept better by co-sleeping - far less disturbance. I rarely went back to sleep while DS was feeding though - nearly always was awake when he finished at least, although I might have dozed off while he was going. But it was just much easier for us.