3.5 ds potty training - help!

[frandango]

I have started toilet training my ds1 3.5 yo again - after 2 failed attempts...maybe I just have to be more patient but am worried now its maybe a physical thing. When he is peeing (has an accident) he doesnt realise he's doing it. He doesn't jump up and even try to get to the toilet he just sits there playing away. Is it just laziness or maybe he just isnt ready? He has never once asked or told us when he needs. Have had him in pants for yesterday all day and this morning but loads of accidents although he will happily sit on the toilet and sometimes we catch it. I dont see this as helpful though as he needs to know the feeling, any tips?

My son was the same although I did train mine a lot earlier. I used to set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes and take him to sit on the loo every twenty minutes even if he didn't go. It was the only way to remind myself! Eventually we caught them in the loo made a massive thing of it - song and dance, stickers the lot and finally he got the idea.

Don't put him back in pull ups just ride it out. He will work it out.

first: change your persepctive.

he is used to wearing nappies. therefore every time in his life he has ever had a wee, he hasn't needed to do anything about it. just sit there and wee. That is why he's doing what he's doing.

It is learned habit. He may even be suprised that he gets wet.

from an adult view this is hard to understand - but then we've been potty trained most of our lives!

next time he does a wee on the toilet: huge reward

You can demonstrate for him too - let him see you wee on the loo, saying how clever you are for doing it.

You will get there in the end - everyone does.

Sympathy is all I have to offer. DS is also 3.5 yrs and we're going a bit nuts with is too. Been training him for about a year!! Some days he gets it and some days he doesn't.

At the moment we are using marbles in a jar: he puts a marble in for every time he goes, and takes one out for every time he has an accident. The first time he got to 10 we took him to the toy shop to choose a toy. New jar - we're trying to get to 20 - it's taking some time...

I don't know if it's the same to do it for an older child, but surely if he has only EVER done wees in his nappy, why would he think to tell you he needs a wee now? You just have to teach him.
Have you tried telling him to sit on the pot about 10 mins after he's had a long drink? If you can predict when he'll need a wee and get him to sit on the pot/toilet til he does it (up to 20 mins without it being dull or a punishment) then you can give him a big clap and sticker etc so he gets the idea. Make sitting on the toilet fun while he waits to pee, read a story, have a chat, do a puppet show, watch tv, whatever.
Catch the wees first and then he'll know what it's all about. I'd monitor his drinking carefully e.g. Drink at meals and set snack times in between meals could in theory lead to about 5 nice drinks and 5 good wees a day.Obviously I am not a biologist, but that was my theory when potty training DD1. If she had an accident in the early days I saw it more as my failure to catch it as how would she know when to go if she'd never had any experience of knowing the feeling and taking herself to the pot.
I potty trained DD1 from about 18 months and then took away nappies altogether at 2. In other words I casually spent 6 months in nappies, but catching wees at set times until she got the idea. I don't know how it works for a 3.5 year old.
Good luck!

You need to remind him to try to go to the toilet very frequently (we did every 20 mins the first few days) and then acted like he had won an oscar when he did a wee in the potty/on the loo.

He needs to get used to the idea of getting up to go to the toilet.

DS used to get a sticker everytime he did a wee in the loo - once he got five he got a little treat (packet of buttons/tiny little toy etc). He soon got too good and we had to up the number of stickers he needed. You can give stickers when you're out as well easily to keep them motivated.

Thanks everyone - its good to hear your views. He always gets a huge applause and a choccy button if he pees in the toilet. Tomorrow is another day - will persevere!