sleeping routine advice needed!!!

[kelly99]

hi everyone, i have a 2 year old little girl and im at my wits end trying to get her into a sleeping pattern!!
shes had quite a lot of upheavel in the last 2 years including living in 4 different homes!! to cut a long story short we got ilegaly evicted near her 1st birthday and had to live in temporary accomodation which was really hard on my little girl!
we've been settled in our new house almost a year now and although i shouldnt iv always been happy enough with us both going to bed together and waking up together (as its just me and my little girl) but now shes at the age where come 7pm i cant wait to get her in bed and have a few hours to myself but it doesnt happen!! im currently trying controlled and although she only stands at safety gate crying for ten minutes, theyr the worst ten minutes ever!! she shouts,screams,makes herself violently sick and chucking anything she can get hold of over the safety gate before admitting defeat!
also she wont go in her own room,her beds still in mine,i tried her in her own room for a week and by the end of it i moved her bed back to my room just so we could both get a half decent sleep! anything iv tried so far is failing and making her extremely clingy during the day,she wont let me out of her sight and each time i begin walking upstairs she starts sobbing and being sick thinkin its bedtime! help please!!

What's your bedtime routine? Do you do bath/milk/story to get her properly relaxed? Does she fall asleep if you are there? If so I would try this method- FIRST NIGHT. Sit next to her bed and explain you will stay with her while she goes to sleep SECOND NIGHT Say you are just popping downstairs to make a drink but will be back in 5 mins. Come back and sit with her (maybe read a book or something) THIRD NIGHT Say you are just popping to the toilet, come back in 10 mins. Then carry this on leaving the time longer and longer in between, so eventually you rae (hopefully) returning to a sleeping child and she is learning to fall asleep by herself.
You could also try a star chart, for every night she goes to sleep well, she gets a star, 5 stars and a little pressie maybe. Though perhaps a little young for this?
The key is to be consistent and strong! If you waver once and let her in your bed, she will always expect this, so be firm. With regards to clinginess during day, do you tell her when you are going into another room? Try explaining 'just making cup of tea', 'just popping to the loo', etc so she knows you're not gone forever. Anyway hope this helps. Good luck

Hello Kelly,

You must be exhausted1I think things having been so difficult for you because of other reasons probably have impacted on both of you greatly? I suspect you have been having an extremely stressful time that has affected you both and caused you to cling together for comfort.Now things are more stable but the bad habits have been formed but good ones can easily take their place so don't despair it will just take strength and work!The one thing important in her life will be the security of Mum being in charge,her parent not her friend.If she thinks you aren't she will keep trying to do the job for you as she is now. She will want to continue sleeping together as that is what she has known up to now so temporarily all is well in her world but in truth it is far from it.The main thing is consistency of rules and it may take a week or so of being firm but showing her you are strong enough to take control,then she has no worries thinking Mum can't do it so I have to.In the end I know you will have a happy little girl who can go to bed on her own confidently.She has to learn and be shown the difference between her identity and yours so setting those boundaries are paramount for her stability.Time for bed,a nice story but this is your room and this is Mummy's room and bedtime is separate.To break the cycle it will be necessary for you to be strong and firm.See past the tantrums and behaviours which upset you as these are a reaction and her way of attempting to get you to do what she wants.Don't go back on your rules as it will be doubly difficult when it comes to sorting it out the next time.Be sure of yourself and that will flow to her and before you know it your daughter will be happy to go to bed and looking forward to bedtime stories in her own room.