Advice Needed for Bossy 4yo

[holidays2010]

Hi everyone, here's the story,
I'm pregnant with twins, have a 4 (nearly) 5yo who shouts back at me, refuses to eat her breakfast, tells on me to dad every time we disagree and generally does what she wants.

Now my partner isnt very good when it comes to telling me what I'm doing wrong, he simply tells me I am doing it wrong and she acts this way because of me. ?!

I need some constructive comments on this because at times when she's like this I really just want to scream and walk out.

She doesnt always behave this way, sometimes and usually when it's just me and her in the house we get on and she's a really sweet girl, helps me out etc, but it seems to me she's at her worst when her dad is about. He thinks it's because she doesnt like the two of us in the same house, she'd rather just have one of us all to herself?

Thanks in advance.

Is he softer than you? Can she get away with more when with him?

I wouldn't say so.
He tends not to do the telling off but he'll do it if needs be.

She is testing the boundaries. She may also feel threatened by your pregnancy and because she is only 4, she is unable to rationally discuss her feelings.
She probaly has noticed that her parents have diffrent approaches and is exploiting this finding to the maximum.
What might help is you present a united front. Your partner needs to back you up with discipline, consistently.
Next time she misbehaves, he needs to say something to her, to let her know that she can't behave like that. Whatever you do, do not argue/disagree about her in front of her.
I always find children this age respond really well to solid boundaries. They need to know what is acceptable and what isn't.

"Now my partner isnt very good when it comes to telling me what I'm doing wrong, he simply tells me I am doing it wrong and she acts this way because of me. ?!"

I would say she behaves that way because of him. He's undermining you and showing dd she can get between you to get her own way, frankly, he's encouraging this.

Hi (is it) Holiday 2010?

Your not doing anything wrong, you're just respondong in a way that gets a certain responce; which is not the one you want, so in order to get a change in the way your daughter behaves you need to change what you do, and so does your husband.

There are lots of things going on for your family here and the advice given above is good.

You need to break down what is happening, changes to family, home, routines, and how you are all feeing about the comming birth.

I am a Community Nursery Nurse for the NHS in South London, so deal with these issues a lot, plus I'v done a number of other jobs in childcare, parenting assessments, special needs co-ordinator, daycare manager. You can post here, although I dont always look; however I can be contacted at the following e-mails. The advice is free.

[email protected] - home [email protected] - work
[email protected] - work

Thanks for all advice everyone il take it all on board